Whispers of a Soul
by BlackbAngeL
Summary: 2 years after NFA, Buffy believes Angel is dead. She's moving on with her life until she discovers that he might still be alive... BA, WIP! FINALLY UPDATED WITH CHAPTER 33!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Buffy and Angel, Joss Whedon does… Aren't you all happy about that ? I don't own the Bachert thing either, you'll have to thank Marc Levy for that beautiful story, in his book "Seven days for an Eternity" (I don't use the actual quote from the book, since it's in French, but I translated it)!

**Author:** BlackbAngeL

**Summary:** Good question… Is there even a plot? To make it short, it's about soul mates, love and hope… it's a future fic, post NFA, Buffy's POV… And it's, of course, B/A. As if it was even a question…

**Note:** It's unbeta'ed, so, all the mistakes are mine. I was so anxious to post it that I didn't have the patience to send it to anybody for editing! Bad, bad Marine… ;)

I promise that I'm still working on Broken Heroes, cross my heart, and hopefully, if I have the time, chapter five will be up before next week!

**Dedication:** To all my loyal reviewers, you make me keep on writing!! And especially to Rebecca, who's recently been traumatized by a C/A story she read by mistake… I hope it'll cheer you up!!

o o o o o o o o

"_**Where there is great love, there are always miracles…" Willa Cather.**_

_Denpasar, Bali, __July 2006_

It's raining again. I really didn't choose the right season to come here… Seriously, Giles could have warned me. The slayer I was supposed to pick up here has left days ago, and is probably in England already, listening to the tale I know by heart, about the one girl in all the world who can fight demons, and who, thanks to a nifty trick, isn't really that alone anymore. Or so they think…

Guess she doesn't know yet that you can be alone in a crowded room, even surrounded by the people you love.

I don't really know why I stayed here. Really… the weather is horrible, my clothes are sticking to my body, and my hair is damped, I don't even want to know what I look like… probably a drowned mouse. A drowned mouse in a blue summer dress. Not that I really care, anyway.

I suppose I needed a break. My life has been kinda hectic for the last few years… The last two years especially. The twelve months or so that followed the destruction of Sunnydale were actually kind of good. Dawn and I made a shiny new life for ourselves, an apartment in Rome just for the two of us – okay, and Andrew from time to time, but how that little twit has managed to worm his way into our lives for so long despite our constant annoyance at his contact is still beyond me… We lived there, and it was great. We had fun, we went out, met new people, dated… Gave a try at the normal life we never thought we would have. Good times.

And then, somebody in L.A decided to go all heroic on us and the world, and literally brought hell to earth. Figured… they weren't going to go down without fireworks, now would they? We went there, but we were too late. Saw them die right before our eyes, before we could move… even if we actually won. The months that followed that particular battle are still a bit blurry in my memory. When I came back from L.A, my whole world came crashing down around me… First, there was the fact that people I trusted had lied to me. That people had talked, and said horrible things, hiding behind my name to give some weight to their words. That innocent people had died, and that my own family had refused to help them… that I had been kept in the dark while the end of the world was brewing… And that he was dead, for good this time. There went my hopes, and desires for the future, along with what was left of my heart. It took me weeks to even try to live again… To get out of my dazed state, to see my friends, to eat properly, and to decide I could smile again. To be able to fall asleep without seeing his face twisted with pain and sorrow, and hear his voice calling my name, asking for the help I hadn't been there to give… without feeling his ashes on my skin. Dawn thought for a while that I was going crazy. Maybe I was.

Eventually, I dealt with it. Went on with my life, met new people, and tried to forget the mess that was my existence. I even had a boyfriend for a few months. Nothing really serious… even though I deluded myself for a while into thinking he was the one. The truth was, I was looking for comfort, and for a presence that would dull the ache in my heart, and cure my loneliness. He was sweet, and caring, and helped me out of this, and I loved him for that. But he knew this was never going to go farther… he understood this, from the beginning, and just pretended, for me. Pretended he believed the lies I kept telling myself, and held my hand through those dark times.

The day I finally discovered that I could stand up on my own, he kissed me on the cheek, and left me with a smile on his lips. He was one hell of a man… Sometimes I regret that I couldn't be his. That we weren't meant to be. Because I know he would have made me happy, somehow. At least, as much as possible.

I forgave Giles, even Andrew, and even if our relationship will never be the same, everything pretty much came back to normal. Or, as normal as my life can ever be… The only difference is that I don't live in Rome anymore. I don't really live anywhere actually, I keep moving, I travel around the world to find slayers, or train them… And I like it. I like this life. I feel like I'm doing the right thing. I feel like he didn't die for nothing, and like with every step I take, and with every new victory, I'm honoring his memory.

And that's pretty much how I found myself here. In Bali… I never imagined, in my young years as the Slayer, that I would ever travel this far. And if I did, I never pictured I would do that alone. In my little daydream, there was probably a cute guy with me, at my beck and call, making me visit interesting places, and laying on the beach next to me.

Well, a girl can dream, can't she?

I love the island. I haven't actually seen it in the sunlight, since it's been pouring twenty-four seven ever since I came here… But it's beautiful. Exotic, different… Something about the place makes it almost magic.

I'm walking down the market, for the third time that week. I'm not the only tourist here, but I still get intrigued looks from people around… Well, I understand them. A blond girl, obviously American, and soaked to the bone… I must draw attention. I stop at every stall, buying fruits, spices… and a lot of things I'll probably never use, but I can't resist. And fruits are so much tastier here…

I already bought souvenirs for the gang. A dress for Dawn, a book for Willow, a shirt for Xander… I don't know when I'll see them, but I buy anyway. I already have souvenirs from Melbourne and Mombasa in my suitcases. I'm gonna get to play Santa Claus when I go back to England. Dawn is gonna love me…

I'm preparing myself to face the rain once again, and leave the shelter that the market offered, when I catch a glimpse of silver and gems out of the corner of my eyes… Now that's interesting. I never saw that particular stall the first few times I came here. And old woman, engulfed at least a dozen of shawls, is sitting behind it, watching me intently as I look through what she has to sell. Some of those necklaces are beautiful, made with pearls, or jade, or other gems I can't name… I know I shouldn't spend more money than I already have, but those are just too appealing. I keep looking for some piece of jewelry I could buy for Dawnie, really, I'm spoiling her.

After a few minutes, I can still feel the woman's stare on my skin, and it's starting to bug me little. Do I have something on my nose, or what? I peek at her face, hoping she'll avert her eyes, but she doesn't. She looks at me with an intensity that's almost disturbing, as if I was about to grow a second head or something… or as if I was holding all the secrets of the world. In all my years as the Slayer, I've learnt to be careful. Everything is not as it seems to be. She looks like an old lady, but what if she's a demon, or an evil witch… You never know with people. I give her a slight glare, and she just smirks at me. Irritating. I go back to looking at the items, and smile when one particular bracelet catches my eye. It's a silver one, with deep green gems that seem to change color even in the dim light provided by the cloudy sky… Its design is complicated, and somehow, it feels like I've seen it before. It's very old, by the look of it; I can't help but stare at it, mesmerized by the way it glimmers each time I turn it in my hand.

"Do you like it?" asks a croaky voice.

I jump, surprised. It's the old woman… I didn't even think that maybe she spoke English. I smile sheepishly. Somehow, the fact that she talked to me made her seem more… human.

"Yes, it's beautiful" I reply "How much does it cost?"

She shrugs, thus making the dozens of little bells dangling at the edges of her shawl tinkle. "Depends", she just says.

I frown. What does she mean?

"Depends on what?"

She smirks mysteriously. "On what you are looking for"

Gee… cryptic much? I almost decide she's too much of a loony for me to buy anything, and think I should just walk away, but something prevents me from doing this. Is it just the bracelet I'm still holding in my hand, or the look in her eyes… I have no idea. I decide to play dumb, and get it over with.

"Actually, I'm just looking for a bracelet." I say with a forced smile.

She quirks an eyebrow at me. The bells keep tinkling. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am. So how much for the…" I don't have the time to finish my question.

"That's a very particular bracelet you got there, you know that?" she asks, cutting me off.

She's annoying me now. "If you don't want to sell it, that's okay, Ill' just go."

She ignores me, and stands up from her chair. She's taller than I thought she was.

"A long time ago, a man in love had it made for his wife… He said it would keep her safe from the demons while he was gone" she says softly. "That it held a part of his soul, the part that was only hers, because it was inlayed with the rocks of love… And if she kept it on, he would always be with her"

"It's a beautiful story" I say. I don't know why I say that. A part of me, the cynical part of me, is screaming at me to get away, because she's never gonna let me leave without buying half of her stock it if I don't do it now.

"You see, that man was a hero. He died in battle a few weeks after their wedding. She kept the bracelet on almost all her life, until one day it became too painful for her to wear it, to look at it, knowing that the man she had loved with all her heart, and had given her soul to, was gone forever." She takes a deep breath, and pauses. "She died the night after the day she took it off, with a smile on her face…"

I feel my breath catch in my throat. That story hit a little bit too close to home.

"I didn't know there were such beautiful legends here" I manage to tell her, attempting to smile, but failing. I can't buy that bracelet… I'm not sure I even want it anymore.

She grins at me. "It's not a legend, my child. It's the gods' honest truth. History just forgot it, like it forgets most of the important stories, the ones that really matter… You know what I'm talking about, don't you?"

I nod. I don't know how, but somehow, I know what she's talking about. She's talking about the kind of life I've led for the last eleven years. It doesn't even occur to me to ask how she knows this about me…

"That bracelet is a symbol…" she says "its meaning, its whole history, is the one of the Bachert".

"The what?"

She gives a sweet smile, and I can feel it warm up my entire being. She must me some kind of witch."The Bachert… listen closely, because it's the most beautiful story in the world" she says softly. I hold her gaze, and wait for her to go on. "The Bachert is the person that the gods, or whatever power that rules this world, destined to you. The other half of you, your true love. And all the purpose of your life will be to find that person… and to recognize them."

I draw a sharp breath. For a split second, all the old pains, all the sorrow, come back to the surface and I just want to go back to my room, curl up like a ball, and cry. But I don't. I'm stronger than that.

I give her a soft smile. "That's a beautiful story, indeed." I look at the bracelet in my hand. "I can't take it, it's too precious" I say. "Besides, I don't have the money anyway"

She gives me another of her mysterious smiles, and closes my hand around the piece of jewelry. "Keep it." She says. "It's a gift".

I look at her in the eyes once again, and find that I can't say no… And I know I'm not under some kind of thrall. I can feel the kindness in her voice, in her eyes. I couldn't explain how, but I feel close to her somehow. As if she could see the part of me that I'm hiding from the world.

"Thank you" I just say, with a grateful smile. I look at her again for a minute, before turning to walk away.

"He's still out there, you know?"

I froze, keeping my back turned to her. Who is she talking about?

"Your Bachert. He's waiting for you."

I can't find the strength in me to tell her that's not possible. Because I already met that person. I met him, and recognized him, but now he's gone. I don't even have hope that he's waiting for me on the other side, because I'm not sure the Powers would be kind enough to put us in the same place in the afterlife.

"Where there's great love, there are always miracles" she says. "An Angel told me that."

Time stops for a moment, as I take in what she just said. My heart is pounding in my ears. Could it be possible? I want to ask her why she said that, what she knows… Is that a coincidence? She can't have known his name, it's impossible. He's dead, I saw it with my own two eyes.

I turn around slowly, holding back my tears…

And she's gone. The stall isn't there anymore, and nobody seems to notice it just vanished in thin air. I look around frantically, I need to talk to her, where did she hear that name. I stumble on a few boxes on the floor, and vaguely apologize, still trying to find the old witch.

Only when I stop moving do I hear her voice, somewhere in my head.

"You just have to know where to look."

TBC

o o o o o o o

So? Is it worth a next chapter? ;)


	2. Chapter 2

**Note:** The two enthusiastic reviews I got convinced me to go on with this, so, here it goes… I hope you'll like it!;)

o o o o o o o

"_**Chance is perhaps the pseudonym of God when he does not wish to sign his work…" Anatole France**_

I don't really remember how I came back to my hotel. I walked, and my subconscious must have guided me somehow, because now I'm sitting on the edge of my bed, staring at the wall, and clutching the bracelet in my hand.

I still can't understand what happened exactly… It was strange, to say the least. Maybe I should talk to Giles, or Willow about this. Willow would be better… Somehow, I don't think Giles would want to hear me say that an old woman tried to make me believe that Angel was alive.

And, actually, she never really said that. Maybe I misinterpreted, maybe I'm grasping at straws, seeing hints, and possibilities, that were never there in the first place. She never really mentioned him, did she? There are a lot of other Angels in the world, and the one she was talking about probably wasn't a centuries old vampire with a soul who decided to play a too dangerous game and died two years ago… She probably meant angel, as in the ones that live in Heaven – except, huh, I've been there, and I didn't see any. I think somehow I would remember seeing a guy with wings… but people don't need to know this.

She was talking about love, and soul mates, and I jumped to conclusions. Yeah, that must be it. I need to stop reacting like this every time something reminds me of him… He's dead, ashes in the wind, and he's never gonna come back. Why am I doing this to myself? I was doing great, these last twenty months or so. Moving on, living my life, and I thought he was just a bittersweet memory of what I could never have. One that I would cherish for the rest of my life, but a memory all the same.

And yet, here I am, completely drenched, and wiping my eyes… I can taste salt on my lips… maybe the rain isn't entirely responsible for the dampness on my cheeks.

I wish I could have talked to her again. That old woman. I'm starting to wonder if I didn't hallucinate… No, she was there. And besides, where would I have gotten that bracelet?

She just disappeared. Vanished. Was it some kind of warning? I'm starting to regret Whistler, even he was less cryptic than her.

Why am I thinking about Whistler now?

My head is spinning, I think it was a little too much for me. I should sleep. I step out of my sandals, and take off my soaked dress… I almost decide to take a shower, but sleep is already claiming me. I lay down on the bed, not bothering to slip under the covers…

My last thought before everything goes black is that the bracelet is still in my hand.

o o o o o o o

_I don't know where I am. Everything's so dark… I'm walking, aimlessly, I don't know where I'm going… I try to reach out in front of me, and there's nothing. Nothing but a thick fog that is starting to surround me._

_I can't see my feet anymore. There's no sound, everything is so silent it's eerie. What am I doing here?_

_I feel a presence, not very far from where I am. I don't know if it's friendly…I have a bad feeling about this._

_It starts so softly that I don't hear it immediately. A panting… Somebody's in pain._

_Footsteps._

_And a weak voice._

"_Buffy…"_

_His voice. I gasp, and start to run, to run fast, I don't care if I don't see anything. I have to find him, but the more I try to follow the sounds, the more they seem to fade away…_

_I panic, I try to say his name but it just won't come out of my mouth. _

_I stop, suddenly. I don't hear it anymore. I can feel tears forming in my eyes… It's too late. My knees are about to give out when I feel an arm coming around my waist. A warm skin against mine… I realise that I'm naked. How come I hadn't noticed that? I turn around, and even if I can't see him, I know I found him. Or maybe he found me? I press my palm against his chest, and I feel his lips inches away from mine. I've been waiting for this moment… _

_But before I can touch them, the air suddenly freezes, and he's gone. I'm alone, and cold._

_I scream… _

I wake up with a start, bolting upright in my bed. My body is covered in cold sweat, and I'm sobbing uncontrollably… I hadn't had any dream like this one for the last year or so.

What is happening to me?

I lay back on the bed, clutching my pillow against my chest. I need to let the tears out. That's what Willow kept saying. _'Let the tears out, Buffy…'_

Who knew I still had tears in me?

I can't stay here. Bali is going to drive me insane. I need to go back home, if there's ever such a place… I need to see Dawn, and Will, and Xand…

I know I won't fall back asleep, and besides, it's already four in the morning, almost dawn. I get up, and start to put some clean clothes on. I won't stand to stay here, I'll hop on the first plane that leaves that damn island.

I throw clothes in my suitcase, gather my belongings… I need to hurry up, I'm gonna lose it if I stay any longer.

When I'm finally done, I look around the room to make sure I didn't forget anything. And that's when I spot it, on the bed. The bracelet. I can feel the tears coming back, I don't take the time to think, I need to get rid of it. I grab it from the rumpled sheets, and throw it in the bin.

I take my purse and my suitcase, and leave the room without a second glance.

o o o o o o o

The sun is just rising when I enter Ngurah Rai airport. I head straight for the information desks, I'm a bit lost, and I need to leave, fast. I don't know why exactly, but I have to, my skin seems too tight, my heart is pounding… Any minute now I feel like I'm gonna start to hyperventilate.

It takes me a few minutes, and I buy my ticket for London. It leaves at eight thirty. Two hours to kill.

I try to relax, and join the queue for the baggage check. For a few blissful minutes, I just wait, and every thought flees from my mind. I follow the indications, pass through Immigration, and I can finally enter the shopping area… My little panic crisis seems to have quieted down, I can breathe normally.

I sit down at a café. Somehow, knowing that I'm on my way home makes me feel better… But I can't shake away the feeling of dread and urgency the dream awoke in me. I can still hear his voice, crystal clear, in my head. Feel his arm, his breath… wait a minute? His breath?

Well, that was a strange dream.

As I wait for my flight, drinking my coffee, I decide to ring Willow. I don't know if she's in England, she was on a mission too when I left, but I try anyway… I need to talk, to hear a friendly voice, anything to make me forget…

She picks up her phone after the fourth ring.

"Hello?" says a sleepy voice.

"Will?"

There's a beat. "Buffy?"

"Yes, Will, I'm sorry, were you asleep?"

"Well, yeah…it's one AM where I am."

I curse under my breath. Of course. Time difference. I'm an idiot…

"I'm sorry, I totally forgot about that… where are you, by the way?"

"Romania" she says.

My heart skips a beat. Is this some kind of giant, cosmic conspiracy? It's the "let's remember I lost the love of my life" week, or what?

"Oh" I manage to say. "I can call back later, if you want to…"

"No, no, it's okay! I don't have anything particular to do tomorrow, I can stay up late…" I can hear the smile in her voice. That's Willow for you, call her in the middle of the night, she'll be there to listen. "Why did you call?"

I shrug, before remembering that she can't see me. "I just wanted to talk to you, nothing in particular… you know, catch up and all…"

She lets out a small, gentle sigh. "Okay, what is it? I know you, you have something voice."

I'm tempted to tell her everything. To pour my heart out, cry, and let her tell me everything's gonna be okay, because somehow, when she says it, I believe her.

But I don't.

"It's nothing Will, nothing important anyway. I'm in Bali, waiting for my flight, I'm coming back to England."

She squeals with delight.

"Really? Oh, that's great, I come back next week! I needed to meet some witches here, you can't imagine the amount of things I learnt from those gypsies… Their magic is truly unique, and old, it's fasc…" she interrupts her babbling abruptly "it's, uh… it's… interesting. And you probably don't want to hear how great gypsy magicks are, so, I'm gonna take my foot out of my mouth now."

I'm starting to think somebody hates me, up there. It's Buffy's twist-the-knife-in-the-wound day.

"It's okay Will. You can say the word 'Gypsy' you know, I'll survive." I make a pathetic attempt at a smile.

"Yeah, I know…" She quickly changes the subject. "Dawn is coming back too, she was on holiday with Vi and Lauren in France!"

Finally, something good. I'm gonna see the whole family. "That's great! I hope she bought souvenirs, I've never been in St-Tropez!"

"Hey, why don't we go there next summer?" she says, her voice cheerful.

We talk for a few minutes, make plans for our holidays, just like old times. Our friendship suffered a lot, after the last year in Sunnydale, but we managed to mend the broken fences, and I'm glad. At least, I still have the Scoobies… Or, what's left of it.

It's almost time to go, and while still talking to Willow, I search for my wallet in my purse. I have a lot of things in there, Dawn calls me Mary Poppins… It takes me a while, but I find it. I need to pay for my drinks. I try to get it out of the bag, but it's stuck, probably tangled with my headphones again. I pull, hard, and draw in a sharp breath when I finally manage to set it free.

It's not my headphones that are dangling at the corner of my wallet. It's the bracelet.

Willow is still talking, but I don't listen to her. I was sure I had thrown it away, back in my hotel room… How on earth did it end up in my purse?

"Buffy… buffy?"

My best friend's voice brings me back to reality.

"Will, uh, sorry… zoned out for a while. What were you saying?"

"Are you okay?" she asks, her voice filled with worry.

"Yeah, uh, I just… Listen, something is…" I don't know if I should tell her. I decide I should keep it to myself. She'd end up thinking I finally lost it. "Never mind. Look, Will, I have to go. My flight is leaving in a few minutes. I'll see you in a few days okay?"

"Yeah… okay. Bye then, have a good flight…"she says. She sounds suspicious… who wouldn't?

"Bye Willow."

I hang up, and watch the bracelet closely. That's the one, I'm not hallucinating. What did that old woman do to me?

I'm slightly shaking when I pay the bill, and head for the terminal. I can't really find my way, the airport is not that huge, but I'm really troubled… I turn around, trying to look at the panels.

I try to concentrate, but my thoughts keep going back to the piece of jewelry I'm holding in my hand, and to the woman I met in Denpasar… I need to see her again, I have questions to ask, I should stay here… But something tells me that I'll never find her. It's too late. I have to find another way…

I'm still lost in my thoughts when a deep voice rings in my ear. I jump, and turn around, a young man is standing next to me. If I was in my right mind, I would probably blush, because boy, he's a sight… Tall, with dark skin and dark eyes, and a friendly smile…

"Excuse me?" I ask.

"I just wondered if you were lost. You've been standing there in the middle of the hall for five minutes…" he says.

"Oh… uh, yes, I'm looking for terminal 2."

"That's easy, look, right behind you, there's an indication" he says, pointing at something over my left shoulder. I turn around, and look for the sign, and after a few seconds I see it, half hidden behind a palm tree.

"I see it!" I say, then smile sheepishly. I suddenly feel like the dumb blond in the joke. "Sorry, and thank you for your help, I could have spent hours here without spotting it…"

He chuckles. "You're very welcome, it was my pleasure… and you would have found it eventually. You just needed to know where to look."

I stop dead in my tracks, and stare at him. I had to know where to look… I can hear it playing in my head.

He frowns. "Ma'am?" he asks.

I snap out of it, thank him again, and run towards the terminal. That's where I had to look, that's the way I had to go… Terminal 2, headed for home.

He must think I'm insane… Well, maybe I am, because I'm starting to believe in the impossible.

o o o o o o o

TBC

So? Any comment? I crave some reviews!! ;) Pretty please? With a naked Angel on top? (smiles wickedly)


	3. Chapter 3

**Note:** See? I can hold my promises, from time to time… Thanks to all the reviewers, I hope you'll enjoy it!!

o o o o o o o

_**"If I could have one lifetime wish, one wish that would come true, I'd pray to God with all my heart, for yesterday...and you!"**__** Source unknown**_

I thought I had an idea of what hell felt like. Really, in my line of work, the things you see tend to make you think nothing can surprise you, and you've seen the worst of this world and the others.

Turns out that I didn't. Know what hell was, I mean. Not until a few hours ago, when I climbed into that plane and sat down between a man who obviously hasn't discovered that incredible invention that is deodorant, and a thirteen year old boy whose eyes were apparently for some reason irresistibly attracted to my breasts. For sixteen hours straight.

Oh, and let's not forget the pair of evil toddlers who cried during at least half of the flight, and the snoring old woman behind me.

Needless to say, seeing Heathrow was a relief. I don't think I ever ran that fast before… I grabbed my suitcase, and hurried out of the airport. I was ready to do pretty much anything for a bath and a quiet evening. Even hitch-hiking sounded appealing at that point.

That is, until I finally stopped ranting to myself about the council's wages and first class tickets, and sat down on a bench.

That was thirty minutes ago, and I'm still sitting on it, watching the cars pass by. The change, after all those weeks in Bali, is overwhelming.

Well, there's that thing that's exactly the same, actually. The rain, and its annoying habit to fall down on our heads. But I guess I got used to it…

Now that I can think clearly, I'm starting to wonder what I'm gonna do next. I had that revelation in Ngurah Rai, I just knew there was a way, he was somewhere out there, I could bring him back… everything was making sense, I just had to follow the signs. At least, it made sense seventeen hours ago. Because right now, I have no idea, no clue as to what I have to do, where I have to go… I'm even starting to think I'm losing my mind.

Really, I'm following the advice of an old weird woman who gave me a bracelet.

I snort, even thinking it sounds ridiculous…

I must have made some noise, because people around me are throwing me weird glances.

I just glare at them, and go back to my brooding. The first thing I should do, obviously, is to find a hotel for the night. It's way past tea time, and the Council's new offices are further north, I'd need two hours to go there if I took a bus… And jet lagged as I am, I would probably fall asleep in it, and miss the stop. I sigh, and finally stand up. A night in London doesn't sound like a bad idea at all, right now.

Somehow, I think a giant bathtub and a king sized bed will help me put my thoughts in order.

I take my suitcase, dragging it behind me, and start to look for a taxi.

o o o o o o o

I've been in this bed for three hours, and I still can't sleep. I'm tossing and turning under the heavy weight of my two blankets, desperately trying to clear my head.

One thing about England? The nights are cold. Well, that might be because I'm just back from a country where you have to sleep with the a/c on… but still! I'm wearing thick pyjamas, and I'm still chilled to the bone.

I'm trying not to look at the clock again. I don't want to know what time it is, because I would immediately start to count how many hours I've spent awake, and the number might unnerve me even more.

I can't get the bracelet, Angel, and that old woman out of my head. I wonder if I would have that dream again, if I managed to fall asleep. A part of me wants to, just to hear his voice… and the other part is afraid of what that might do to me… I know I should talk to somebody about this, Giles, Willow, Dawn… Hey, right now, I think I would even settle for Andrew.

Or, maybe not.

But I need to find the answer. I need to know if it's possible… and if it is, I'll do anything in my power to make him come back. Even if I have to drag him out of hell myself.

I probably won't fall asleep anytime soon, I know this, so I grab the remote and turn the TV on. I flip through the channels, nothing interesting, which is to be expected at this hour… but I can't concentrate anyway, it's like trying to focus on a raindrop in a storm.

…

I think I should go to Cancun next time. The word 'rain' appears way too many times in my thoughts… I need some sunshine. Badly.

I sigh out loud. Even in my own private dialogue with myself, I'm distracted and incoherent.

There's a documentary on one of the networks. About salmons. Given that I don't have anything particularly interesting to do, I start watching it. It's probably the most boring thing I've ever watched, but I keep my eyes on it anyway… seeing them swim against the current, despite the pain and the obstacles, is somehow hypnotizing…

A bear is starting to slaughter to poor fishes, oblivious to the importance of their struggle, when I hear a noise somewhere near the door.

I frown. I could swear it came from inside the room… I silently get up from the bed, and grab a stake on my bedside table… I know it's probably not a vampire, but old habits die hard.

Besides, I like the contact of the wood on my palm.

How twisted is that?

I shake my head, and start to walk towards the noise. I can hear it again, more clearly this time… It sounds like… a panting? The panting of someone who's in pain… I know I heard that before, if only I could remember wh…

Oh my God.

I drop the stake, and run to the door. I can see him on the floor, naked, bloodied, curled up like a ball… before I can reach him, he raises his head, and I see his face clearly even if we're in the dark.

"Buffy…"

It comes like a weak plea out of his mouth, but I hear it anyway. I hold back a sob, crouch on the floor beside him, and…

I open my eyes. The TV is still on, and I'm still watching that stupid documentary. There's no sound in the room, apart from the TV's almost silent humming, and my labored breathing.

The dream again. I don't even remember falling asleep.

I switch on the light, I can't stand to stay in the darkness. I get up, and walk all around the room to make sure nobody's there.

I'm in for another sleepless night.

o o o o o o o

I finally managed to find some rest between six thirty and eight. Not much, but, not the worst I've ever had.

I pack my things, hoping I won't forget anything. I try to pay attention, but my mind is elsewhere. On top of that, the lack of sleep is starting to take its toll… slayer or not, I'm still a human being, and one in desperate need of a nap. Or of enough caffeine to wake up an elephant.

I get up from the chair I was sitting in, only to fall back on it, my head spinning and blood pumping in my ears.

Make that two elephants.

I make a second attempt at standing up, slowly this time, and I don't lose my balance. I sigh in relief, grab my suitcase at my feet, and walk towards the door… It's gonna be a long day.

I pay for the night I spent here, then go out in the somehow hesitant morning sunshine. I can see dark clouds not very far away… I should enjoy the sun as long as it lasts.

The simple idea of running for a taxi, or a bus, makes me dizzy again, so I decide to stop for a coffee. I enter the nearest coffee shop, sit down, and wait for a waitress.

I don't know what to think anymore… Those dreams, the bracelet, the signs… it can't all be a coincidence, can it? Not that I believe in coincidences… One thing I learnt over the years, nothing really happens by chance.

I sigh. Why now? Why not two years ago, when I was still grieving? I'm pretty much over this now. I'm moving on with my life, I dealt with his death…

And yet…

Just the knowledge that there's the slightest chance that he's alive somewhere, or that he can come back to me makes me feel more alive than I've been ever since I realised that all the hopes I had for the future would never come to fruition.

There's one thing I'm sure about. It took me a few days, and it's an idea I didn't dare to entertain before that very moment because I was afraid to believe it was possible…

I want him back.

I barely glance up when the waitress finally comes to me and asks what I'll have, and before I know it, she's back with a wonderfully hot and steaming cup of coffee. I throw her a grateful glance, and quickly turn my face back to the window.

It starts to rain, and I let out a groan. I think I've had enough rain to last me a year…

I'm so busy cursing the Heavens and whoever decided that England was going to be renowned for its bad weather, that I don't notice the man sitting at the other end of the little table.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

I jump at the sound of the foreign voice, and finally realise that I'm not exactly alone anymore. Great… just what I needed. I swear, if he starts to hit on me, I won't be responsible for my actions. I'm not really in the mood for a little chit-chat right now, no matter how cute the guy is.

"Excuse me?" I say.

He just shrugs. "Well, you seemed lost in your own little world…"

And that's why you decided to come and annoy me, I want to shout at him. But let's stay relatively civilized here.

"I'm a little tired" I reply, "and if you don't mind, I'd rather stay alone". There. I wasn't too harsh. It's not the poor man's fault if my life is turning upside down.

Doesn't mean I have to be too nice.

He just stares at me. Now, it's getting creepy… He has piercing blue eyes, and if I wasn't so annoyed and if my head would just quit pounding for a second, I would probably find him attractive. But something in the way he's looking at me makes me ill-at-ease. I feel… naked. Ad if he could see everything that's going in my mind.

He lets out a sigh.

"You're getting closer, you know?" he finally says.

What on earth is he talking about? What is it with me and weirdos? Am I some kind of magnet?

I just look at him, with what I hope is a neutral look on my face.

"Listen" I say, "I don't have time for this okay? So, if you could just go away, I'm sure there's girl out there who will fall for the cryptic act."

Because as far as I'm concerned, been there, done that, and he was way more handsome than you are. But I keep that part to myself.

He chuckles. I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever get rid of him, and I feel my anger start to bubble up, when something in the way he behaves makes me stop for a second. I just can't put my finger on what exactly…

"You're quite the piece of work you know?" he says calmly. "We thought you'd have found him by now, but you were too stubborn to really believe…"

I draw in a sharp breath. Somehow, I knew it… He reminds me of the old lady in Bali. As soon as my brain starts to process what's happening exactly, a rush of questions flows through my mind. But oddly enough, I can't utter a single one of them.

He shakes his head. "You just have to trust a little…" he says.

"Trust what?" I manage to say, my voice coming out as a hoarse whisper.

He just smiles. "Fate."

Sorry buddy, but if there's one thing I've learnt not to trust, it's fate.

But in the meantime… Destiny has brought me to that point, right?

I'm getting more and more confused. But before I know it, he's standing up, and turning away to leave.

"Wait!" I say urgently. "How do I find him?"

He just smirks at me. "That's for you to figure out."

And he's gone.

I sit at the table for a few more minutes, hardly believing what just happened. My head still hurts, even more so since my little conversation with Mr Mysterious. When I finally snap out of it, I reach for my purse, and look through it to find some change and pay for my coffee. My hand touches something warm, and I jump a little, startled. I grab it, whatever it is, and get it out of the bag.

When I finally see what it is, I shake my head. Of course… it's the bracelet.

It's little too much for me. I don't know what to think, what to trust, what to do… I throw money on the table and get up from my chair, not paying attention to the fact that the room is slightly spinning around me. I start to run for the exit, the need for fresh air overwhelming me. Without thinking, I clasp the bracelet around my wrist, and finally go out under the rain. When the first droplets hit the top of my head, I feel like I can breathe again. I take a few deep breaths, and look around, wondering where to start, when I feel that tingle running down my spine.

I gasp, surprised, and drop my suitcase on the soaked floor. It can't be… I dart my eyes around the street frantically, hoping against hope that this might be it, but after a few minutes I realise that maybe it was just wishful thinking.

The bracelet is still warm against my skin, a nice contrast with the chilling London weather.

I bring my hand to my forehead, it hurts so much that I feel like my brain is trying to crawl out of my skull.

My limbs are feeling numb all of a sudden… I'm more and more confused, everything blurs around me…

Since when has London had so many fireflies?

That odd thought makes me stop for a second, and the next thing I know, my shoulder is hitting the hard concrete of the pavement. Somebody yells something about an ambulance, and the world around me goes black.

TBC

o o o o o o o

I know, I know, I'm evil… lol

Do you know that that story is actually developing a plot? It's a miracle! Do the snoopy dance with me now! I wanted it to be short, but my muse hit me with ideas, and we're in for a long story… I hope you like it, if you don't, please tell me, I'll stop writing before the afternoons spent with my laptop start to put a stop to any social life I might have… ;)

Next chapter coming soon!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's note – Please read:** I've been told that the use of the present tense in my story felt kinda weird. I'd like to have everyone's advice on that point, I honestly don't feel like rewriting everything, but if more of you are bugged by that, tell me, and I'll do it!! Thank you!! ;)

o o o o o o o

_I'm walking. I've been walking for what feels like hours, but I have no idea exactly how long I've been here… I know I should feel tired, but I don't. Everything seems so peaceful, so calm, I never want to leave that place._

_Something's vaguely familiar here. My surroundings are not totally foreign to me… The sunlit, beautiful park, the benches, the trees… I've already been here. _

_I stroll past a children's playground, and smile at the toddlers… _

_Dawnie waves at me enthusiastically from the swing she's slightly balancing on. "I'm glad you could make it!! We've been waiting for you!" she tells me, with one of those huge smiles that can light up a room._

_I grin back at her, and keep walking straight ahead. I stop near the river, and watch the pink floyds bending their long necks to fish their food._

_I hear footsteps, and somebody comes to stand next to me. I turn my head, and smile._

"_Pretty place, isn't it?" Angel asks me._

"_I love it here" I reply quietly._

_He smiles, and my insides melt. "I must admit it's kinda cool" he says "I had forgotten how it was… spending a Sunday afternoon here with the kids, and all…"_

_I chuckle. "Well, we've been pretty busy lately…" I tell him. _

_I frown. Why did I say it? What am I talking about? It's strange… Some part of me knows it makes perfect sense, but a little voice keeps telling me something's wrong with that scene._

_Angel slips his arms around my waist, and I quickly push these thoughts aside._

"_What about…" he starts asking me, but a delighted squeal rings up somewhere behind us._

"_Mommy!!!"_

_I turn around, but there's nobody, just an endless field of green and soft grass._

_I look back at Angel, but he's looking at something on the floor with a frown marring his face._

"_Buffy…" he starts "Where are your shoes?"_

_I glance down. I'm bare-foot… I'm about to ask aloud what's going on, but as soon as I turn around to look at him, I'm not in the park anymore._

_I'm standing in the middle of what looks like a graveyard. The temperature has dropped down a few degrees, and I'm shivering in my thin summer dress. _

_The place is grim, and cold… And something about the atmosphere makes it… scary. Which, given the fact that I'm a slayer, is saying something._

"_Buffy…"_

_I jerk my head up at the sound. I can hear it again… That panting. But this time, I know what it means. I run towards the noise, but every time I think I'm getting closer, it's seems to move to the opposite side of where I'm standing._

_It's unbearable, I have to do something, I want to scream, to tell him not to worry, but the sounds just won't come out._

_I start to cry, feeling helpless and alone… Somebody help me, please…_

_I run again, and suddenly the fog disappears, and I'm in my house. My house in Sunnydale… everything is exactly like it was the last time I saw it, the pictures, sleeping bags and girls' clothes scattered around the floor. But everything is silent. I climb up the stairs, I want to see my room…_

_When I open the door, he's standing at my windowsill, gazing at the sky… My heart is pounding, and he seems to hear it because after a few seconds he spots me in the doorway._

"_Hey…" he says._

"_Hey…" I smile. We were never much for long hellos. Or long goodbyes… _

_I walk and sit down on the bed. _

"_Where are you?" I hear myself ask. _

_He just shrugs, and sits down next to me. "Close to home" he says._

_I chuckle. "Cryptic much?" I joke. _

_He smiles. "I don't really know… I think that's for you to figure out."_

_I'm about to reply to him, but before I can open my mouth, I see him throw a glance at my bedroom door. I follow his gaze._

_Willow is standing there, staring at us._

"_Hey Willow" he says._

_She seems to snap out of her thoughts "uh… Hey Angel"._

_I frown. "What's wrong?" I ask._

_She darts her eyes around the room, as if looking for something, and finally looks at me in the eyes. "You've got to come back Buffy…"_

_I give her a puzzled look. "Come back? I never left…"_

_She shakes her head. "Wake up" she says. _

_I look back at Angel, who takes my hand in his. "She's right… You gotta wake up."_

"_O…okay."_

_Willow holds out her hand for me. I stand up, reluctantly letting go of Angel's. "I'll be back" I tell him._

_As soon as my skin touches Willow's, the world around me explodes in white._

I open my eyes, and almost immediately shut them back, trying to shield myself from the unexpected light assaulting my pupils.

When after a few seconds I get accustomed to the brightness around me, I blink, and try to look around. I'm lying on a bed, obviously, in a room I never saw before. Something is itching on the top of my left hand… I bring it to my face to see what it is… a needle.

Wait a minute… A needle?

Oh no… Oh no, no, no, no… this is so not good.

I hear a groan somewhere next to me, and for the first time I notice that I'm not alone in the room. Willow is sitting on a chair, looking… well, the right word might be 'worn out'. She's pressing her fingers against her eyes, and she looks like she hasn't slept in days.

But at the moment, I'm too panicked to care.

"Willow!!" I say in a shrilling voice "I'm in a hospital, why am I in a hospital? And how did I end up…"

"Whoa, whoa, wait a sec please…" she replies "Hello to you too!"

I calm down. "Sorry" I say after a pause. I would smile, but, you know, hospitals and me…

She grins a little, obviously understanding. "It's okay… How are you feeling? Do you need anything?" She hands me a glass of water, and I look at her gratefully. My throat is hurting.

"Thanks. I missed you, you know?"

"I missed you too..."

I drink the glass down, and set it back on the bedside table. "What am I doing here, Will?"

She sighs. "You don't remember? You fainted on the street… The doctors said it was just exhaustion, and a slight dehydration… Giles called me, and here I am. He just left a few hours ago."

And suddenly, it all comes back to me. The coffee shop, the rain, the strange guy, that feeling that he was near, the bracelet, the… fireflies? Now, that one's weird. But after that, nothing… blank.

"Oh…" I say. "Well, I'm feeling a lot better…"

She snorts. "You should"

What does she mean? I'm about to ask her to explain, when something suddenly occurs to me.

"Willow, not that I'm not glad to see you, but… weren't you supposed to come back next week?"

She frowns a little, then gives me a soft look. "Buffy…" she says "This is next week."

…

"Huh?"

o o o o o o o

Five days. I've been asleep for five days. I'm still trying to get used to the idea.

Willow just left to get a cup of coffee, and something to eat. The spell she used to get me out of my slumber took a lot out of her.

And why did she have to use a spell?

I'll have to ask her when she comes back.

Five days, just for exhaustion and dehydration… I'm no expert, but it seems a bit long. The doctor came to see me a few minutes ago, and declared me surprisingly healthy for a girl who's just waking up from a coma. I'm surprised he didn't ask questions… he acted as if it was perfectly normal to sleep for days after fainting.

In a way, I'm glad. The less time I spend with a doctor, the happier I am, thank you very much.

I'm deep in thoughts when Willow comes back from her little errand, with a surprise for me in the form of a deliciously warm and chocolate-y cookie.

"Thanks, Will" For the first time since I woke up, I smile.

"No big… besides, that's what friends are for. Feed you junk food and pretend it's good for your health…" she says, chuckling.

She sits back on her chair. "Nice bracelet" she says casually…

I frown, and look at my right wrist. I hadn't noticed that I was still wearing it. Which is strange, aren't they supposed to get all your jewelry off of you when you're admitted in ER?

As if she has heard my question, Willow tells me they couldn't manage to unclasp it.

When I look back at her, I realise that she's looking at me intently.

"Where did you get it?" she asks. Okay, now I know that she knows something I don't. Or suspects something I probably shouldn't keep to myself at that point.

"Bali" I reply.

She lets out a tired sigh. "What aren't you telling me?"

I look down at my hands, not knowing what to say.

"I know you're hiding something, you were acting weird on the phone the other day, and then when I come back from Romania you're in a coma after fainting on the street. You should have woken up within hours, you were perfectly fine! I had to use a spell to make you come back! It wasn't natural!"

And all of a sudden, I can't keep it to myself anymore. I have to tell her, or I'll go insane. I feel tears starting to prickle behind my eyes.

"Do you trust me, Will?"

She takes my hand. "Of course I do"

I take a deep breath, and start to tell her the strange tale of what happened to me since that rainy afternoon in Bali.

Once I'm finished, she's still holding my hand, and my cheeks are damp from the tears I shed. I feel like a heavy weight has just been lifted up from my shoulders… I needed to tell her, and I hope she believes me, because I definitely believe in it. I hadn't realised until when she asked me how deeply this whole thing is affecting me… The possibility that I could bring him back, and the possibility that it's all just a trick…

She remains silent for a few moments.

"I believe you, Buffy. And I believe in it."

I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Thank you…"

"I had kinda guessed, actually…"

I give her a puzzled look. "Guessed?"

"When I saw the bracelet. I had read about it sometime in high school…"

And she remembers it? That girl will cease to amaze me.

"Then, the dream…" She looks at me in the eyes. "I think he's alive Buffy. Or at least, not lost."

My eyes are misting up again, a wave of hope suddenly overwhelming me. "How can you know that?"

"I saw him in your dream… that wouldn't be uncommon, I could see Dawn the last time I was in your mind… but this time, it was different."

I swallow harshly. "Different how?"

She pauses, probably trying to find the right words.

"Different because he could see me."

TBC

o o o o o o o

Wow… two chapters in less than 24 hours… stand up and cheer!! LOL

Next one coming soon!!

Please, review ;)


	5. Chapter 5

**Note:** Thanks to all my beloved reviewers, you guys are the best!! I feel like I'm finally going somewhere with that story, I hope you'll like the direction I'm taking!!

o o o o o o o

"_**In dreams and in love, there are no impossibilities…" Janos Arnay**_

I don't really know what to think anymore… It seems to be a regular occurrence, these days.

Knowing, in my heart, in my guts, that it was possible was one thing. Hearing it from somebody else, from somebody I'd trust with my own life, is another.

Until a few hours ago, it was more of a distant dream suddenly become possible. Now that I've talked about it with Willow, it's a reality, a fact, a truth. But in the meantime, I'm almost afraid to put my heart on the line once again and act. Do whatever I have to do to bring Angel back. I already knew I would, of course, my decision was made even before I shared it with my best friend. Getting up and work for it, however, is something entirely different… because now, I'm in it. Now, it's concrete.

He could see her in the dream. I didn't understand immediately what it meant… I can be slow at times.

What it meant, is that he wasn't just a creation of my mind, I didn't make him look at Willow, I hadn't even noticed she was in the room… He was in my mind. Him, his soul, his spirit, whatever you want to call it, he was there in dreamland with me.

And that brings up a lot of questions. I thought all the dreams I'd had were some sort of warning, prophetic dreams like the ones I used to have when I was younger, with some sort of metaphorical meaning…

But what if it wasn't as metaphorical as I thought? What if all the dreams that showed him in pain, calling out my name, were his? Were giving me a glimpse of where he is, what he is going through… What if he was trying to contact me, and I failed to find him?

The simple thought makes me want to curl up somewhere and cry. But I can't give up now… He needs me, fine. I'll be right there, even if it's the last thing I do on this earth.

I think I scared the doctor and the nurses, because I only woke up a few hours ago and they're already letting me out, with a list of recommendations they probably know I'll never read… I'm perfectly fine, and given that I've slept for five days, I'm far from tired. To the point where I feel like I'm high on caffeine. Except, I'm not, because nobody accepted to give me a coffee, no matter how many times I asked…

Which is probably for the best, because it would just make me even more excited, and I'd spend the next part of the afternoon feeling like a slaying energizer bunny.

The thought of a pink rabbit with a stake glaring at a vampire almost makes me giggle, and gets me out of my moody thoughts for a minute.

I get out of bed with a sigh, and grab the bag Willow brought me. I look through it quickly, underwear, blue jeans, my grey sweater, and socks… I have to smile. I have the best friend in the world, she even brought my make up and vanilla soap. I'll have to remember to thank her later.

I take a long shower, and thank the gods that they gave me a private room. I feel like I have days of grime to scrub out of my skin. I really hate hospitals. Even more so when I'm the patient…

My reflection in the mirror almost scares me. I may feel better, awake and ready to fight for Angel's life, but I certainly don't look like it. I look like I haven't eaten properly in days, and the shadows under my eyes could rival the ones Giles has when he's spent the whole night researching and hopes we won't notice.

No wonder Willow threatened to shove the cookies she bought for me down my throat if I didn't want to eat them. Well, the cookies, and the hot cocoa, and the apple.

Yeah, I look the worse for wear, but actually, I think I look better than a few days ago when I was just coming back from Bali.

I shake my head and sigh, apply some make up, and open the bathroom door…

Only to find myself in front of a rather large chest, obviously male. I yelp in surprise, and raise my hands in front of me. It's too late to try to stop walking, and I don't want to bump into him head and breasts first, that would be kinda embarrassing.

But I don't hit anything as I expected I would. No, instead, I walk straight through him.

That's kind of a weird sensation, to say the least. I gasp, shuddering at the cold feeling that runs through my whole being, not entirely unpleasant but still strange… and somehow, familiar.

I turn around, my hands clasped together on my stomach, and look at the ghost I just walked in… on… through… whatever.

His back is facing me, and his palms are raised in front of him as he apparently stares at his chest, unmoving. The room is kinda dark, I closed the blinds earlier, but somehow, his silhouette is not unknown to me… I let my eyes wander on his body, from his black pants to his dark grey sweater, and onto the back of his head…

My breath gets caught in my throat.

Oh my god…

He slowly turns around, and I think I'm gonna faint again. My eyes are fixed on his face, as I wait to see if the feeling in my gut is telling me the truth…

And it is.

Because Angel is staring right back at me.

It all happens in seconds. My first impulse is to try to say something. Really, anything, or maybe jump him, why not, but the little part of my brain that's still working registered that he was apparently uncorporeal. And as for speaking, well, for that, my vocal cords would have to start working again.

So I just stay here, frozen on the spot for a short moment, as he looks at me with shock-filled eyes.

But before I can do anything more than gape at him, the room's door opens wide on a cheery Dawn, who launches herself in my arms.

I hug her reflexively, but my mind doesn't process immediately that my little sister is here. As she starts to babble about how happy she is to see me, and about her holiday, I look back at the bathroom door.

He's gone.

o o o o o o o

I did my best not to let her see how upset I was. She probably wouldn't have taken well my dissolving into tears when I haven't seen her in almost four months… I listened to her, holding back my tears, and swallowing my trouble.

Dawn seems happy, really. College is agreeing with her, and the few weeks she spent in France with her friends made my bubbly and funny little sister come back from the sad land she'd been living in ever since mom's death.

But as soon as she left my room, I started to search frantically for him, everywhere, under the bed, behind the curtains, in the bathroom, the closet… and the more I looked, the more panicked I became, because he was nowhere to be seen.

Willow joined me in the room as I was trying to prevent my hands from shaking. My cheeks were already damp with tears, and I think I was babbling incoherently because she kept telling me to calm down and explain.

I told her what I saw, and she told me that we'd figure it out. Not more. And that was enough to soothe me.

I started to take deep breaths, and managed to stop crying. We got out of the hospital, and now, we're on our way to the slayer's school.

We can't really talk in the car, and Dawn is looking at me with suspicious eyes. She doesn't ask any question, but she probably knows something's not right. The tension in Willow's little Mini is palpable.

I try to make small talk, I tell her about my travels, the things I saw, promise her I have presents, but my heart isn't really into it. Thankfully, the mention of a present seems to chase all suspicion out of her head. That's Dawnie for you.

Willow apparently understands I'm not really in the mood to talk, because she starts telling my sister about her own adventures. At any other moment, I might be interested, but right now, I tune her out and watch the landscape around us. Especially when she starts about the gypsy part.

It isn't long before I start to doze off, lulled to sleep by their voices and the motor's noise.

_A voice next to me makes me open my eyes. I stretch on the seat, sleeping in a car is really uncomfortable._

"_Slept well?" he asks._

"_Like a baby" I reply._

_He gives me a killer smile, one I'm not sure I ever saw before. I can't resist, I take his hand in mine._

"_Are we almost there?" Not that I'm against a little road trip with Angel, but I'm itching to stand up and walk._

"_We'll be home in a few minutes."_

_We fall back in comfortable silence. That little voice is there again, the one that tells me something's strange with that scene. But I can't really understand what. A question pops up in my brain, for some reason._

"_Where are you?" I ask._

_I know it's something I have to ask, I need to know. And then I remember, I'm looking for him in a hospital room, but he's not really there…_

_He shrugs. "I don't know"_

"_Are you on that plane?"_

"_Not really… It's cold."_

"_Are you… in Hell?"_

"_Not really…"_

_Now, this pisses me off. Enough with the cryptic act._

"_Where ARE you, then?" I ask in a desperate voice._

_He looks at me right in the eyes. I take a sharp breath._

"_Somewhere in between."_

My eyes snap open. A dream again… Did I share it with him?

I sigh, and look around me. I'm alone in the car, we're stopped at the gas station. I can see Will and Dawn in the store, probably buying candies, or any kind of food Willow is planning on making me eat.

I get out of the mini, needing to walk a little to ease the cramps in muscles. I head for the bench a few feet away from the car, and sit, stretching my legs in front of me.

I feel him before I see him, really. He sits down next to me, but I'm prepared this time. I won't run away, or yell, or cry, or break down.

Okay, maybe I'll cry a little. My heart is pounding so fast that it's probably gonna pop out of my ribcage anytime now.

I look at the side of his face, mesmerized by the simple sight of him. He seems so… real. I want to reach out and touch him, but as soon as my hand comes next to his, he turns his face to look at me. He opens his mouth, and I could swear he said my name, but I can't hear him. He's just mouthing words, obviously unaware that he's silent.

"I can't hear you, Angel"

The sound of my voice seems to shock him. He looks at me, his eyes so lost that it makes me want to weep. Or to take him in my arms and make his pain go away… But I can't do that.

"Did you say something ma'am?"

The young voice makes me jump, and I look around. A boy is standing next to me, about to insert some coin in a drinks machine, and looking at me strangely.

"Sorry" I say. And as I turn back to where Angel was sitting less than a minute ago, I'm not surprised to see him gone.

I sigh sadly, and get up from the bench as I see Willow and Dawn heading back to the car.

"Wait, ma'am, you forgot something!" the boy says. He walks after me, and hands me my cell phone. It must have fallen out of my pocket when I sat down.

But as I take it back, all thoughts of cell phone fly out of my head, and my eyes set on the T-shirt he's wearing. It's white, and there's an inscription in big bold red letters across his chest.

Los Angeles.

And everything makes sense, suddenly. It's the same feeling I had when I was in Ngurah Rai, that conviction that I have to do something, go somewhere. It's even stronger.

"Thank you" I say, and I kiss the boy on the cheek, walking away just in time to see the beginning of a blush creep up his face.

I run, and literally jump in the car.

"Willow" I almost shout, out of my breath, "You have to take me back to the airport"

And I think she understands, because she doesn't ask anything, and puts on her resolve face.

"Okay."

I could swear she's trying to hold back a smile.

TBC

o o o o o o o

I hope you liked this one!! Tell me what you think! ;)

And special thanks to AngstAddicted, for the quick beta'ing!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Note:** Thanks to all the reviewers again! I love you guys!

o o o o o o o

"_**Some things have to be believed to be seen…" Ralph Hodgson**_

I feel like I've spent my whole life in airports. Which is ridiculous, because obviously, I haven't, but it's the third time in a week that I find myself sitting on a bench, waiting for a plane.

And as much as I want to go to L.A right now, it's kind of annoying.

I bought a first class ticket this time, and to hell with my bank account… there's no way I'm spending ten hours or more in the same situation as the one I was in when I came back from Bali a few days ago. There's only so much a girl can take, you know?

I still have two hours to wait, but I don't mind, it gives me some time to think things through. I've been on a bit of an emotional roller coaster these days, and I haven't really had the time to ponder what was happening.

I explained everything to Willow in the car, all the while royally ignoring Dawn's shouts of "What? How? Why?", and she promised she would look into it. She didn't seem the least bit surprised when I told her I had seen him again, and didn't at any moment question my decision to go to Los Angeles. I'm sure she knows something I don't…

So, here I am. Waiting, and torturing myself with thoughts of what kind of horrible things Angel might be going through.

And yet, in the meantime, a part of me came back to life when I realised that there was a way for him to come back to me. A part I didn't even now was sleeping before it started to invade my thoughts and my heart.

But that part is better kept locked up for now. If I start to hope too much, if I let the walls around my soul fall down, I'm not sure I'll survive if the dream doesn't come true.

I sigh, overwhelmed by the feelings I try with everything I am to keep at bay, and run my hands through my hair. I shouldn't think like that now. I have to concentrate on the task. Save Angel.

My cell phone starts to ring in my purse, and I pick it up quickly.

Willow.

"Will?" I say, hoping she has some good news. She should be at the school by now, and she probably ran to the library… she looked like someone who has just discovered how to make gold out of lead when I explained to her what I was gonna do. It's not everyday you get to see things like that, she told me…

"Yeah! Do you have the time to talk?"

"My plane leaves in two hours, so, yes! Go ahead, I'm all ears!"

She clears her throat. In any other situation, I would laugh, because she reminds of a teacher about to start explaining his theory to his students… or of Giles.

"I'm back at the school with Dawn. Giles is kinda upset that you didn't come… but he'll get over it…"

I just chuckle. Poor Watcher mine.

"So, I'm in the library right now, I looked through some books, and I think I have an explanation" she says in an excited voice.

I take a deep breath. "Go on"

"Remember what I told you about the dream?"

I nod, even if she can't see me. I know she's not really waiting for an answer, anyway.

"Well, I was right. You were sharing the dream, his subconscious was in there with yours… I'm not even sure you were in your own dream, or your own mind. It's like both your spirits were just… somewhere else. In a sort of dreamland, neither in your mind, nor in his… and you were stuck in there. At least, that would explain why you were in a coma…"

"Okay… but you know, the dream I remember wasn't that long!" I tell her. I don't remember a five day long dream, I feel like it lasted only a few minutes.

She pauses for a second.

"I guess it's like for other dimensions, you know? Time passes differently… That's the only possible explanation" she finally says.

There's one question I have to ask, even if I'm not sure I want to know the answer. "Do you… do you think everything I dreamt about before was real?"

She sighs. "I don't know, Buffy… I'm not exactly an expert in dreams, and even if I was, there's still a lot experts can't understand. Human subconscious is a mystery… Did you share those with him as well? Maybe. But maybe they were just warnings. It wouldn't be the first time…"

"Yeah…" I don't trust my voice, so, I don't say more, waiting for her to continue.

"Anyway, about the ghost…"

I flinch. I don't like that word. "I'm not sure it was a ghost, actually…"

"It wasn't…" she says.

Okay… Now, I'm interested.

"Well… what was it, then?"

She takes a deep breath. "It was… What you saw is called a 'Whisper'. It's very rare, only a few people ever witnessed that kind of event, and the last one was in 19th century."

Yeah, I'm really feeling exceptional… Get to the point Will, please. But I don't tell her that.

"And the reason why you, and nobody else can see it, is because of the bond you shared."

A lump is slowly forming in my throat. "The… the bond?"

"You remember what you told me a few years ago? That you could feel him? Whenever he was near, and that you knew he wasn't just a random vampire?"

Of course I remember. How could I forget?

"It's very uncommon. And the reason why you could has absolutely nothing to see with your slayer senses. It's about your soul… Angel and you… entwined destinies, soulmates, bacherts, whatever you wanna call it… there are dozens of words in dozens of different languages to describe that bond, in every single dimension. And finding yours… very few of us ever have that chance."

There's a bittersweet edge to her voice, and my heart weeps for her. I know she still misses Tara, even if she's doing a better job at moving on than I ever did. She's strong, our Willow… and sometimes we forget she's suffered maybe more than the rest of us.

But the melancholic feeling lasts just a fleeting moment, and she goes on with her explanation.

"What I mean, is that you can see him because your souls are linked, somehow. What you see is not a ghost. I thought in the beginning that maybe it could be Shadow. You know, it happens sometimes, people who die violently leave a shadow behind them before moving on… like a resonance, an echo of what they were. But the fact that you can't hear his words, and that he tries to communicate, plus the fact that he died in L.A and not London, contradicts that theory…"

"Then what was he, exactly?" I ask, my voice surprisingly controlled.

"Like I said, what you saw is a Whisper… of his soul. And Whispers appear in particular circumstances only… They are like some kind of message, if you want. A way of trying to communicate, to say something… but they can only be seen by the person who shares their soul, and under particular circumstances. They are invisible to the rest of the world. There are probably dozens of them out there, but they wander aimlessly, hoping maybe they'll find the right person and the right moment… only some of them do."

"But if he's trying to communicate, how come I don't hear what he says?" I don't understand, and it's driving me insane.

"Well, that's part of the reason why it's called a Whisper. It's because their voice is so low that nobody can hear them. Or at least, no until you find the source" she says.

"The source? What do you mean?"

"Well, the books aren't really clear on that point. Apparently, Whispers are created from a sort of source. It can be anything, some people even thought they could be created from a person who's asleep, they explained somnambulism that way… the Whisper leaves the body, which, as a residual reaction, starts to walk to try and find it. But I think it's kinda far-fetched, honestly…"

"But he's not asleep somewhere, Will. He's dead."

She pauses for a minute.

"Well that's just it, Buffy. If a Whisper appears, it means he's not. Not really."

My hands start to shake, and I'm not sure I'm gonna make it to the end of that conversation without breaking down.

"Whispers don't cross dimensions" she continues "Wherever he is, whatever he is now, his soul is still here. Or at least, in limbo, waiting somewhere in between… You just have to find the source" she says.

"But…" I clear my throat, trying to chase away my tears. "But how can find something if I don't even know what it is? Am I looking for a body, ashes, a picture, or god knows what?"

"I don't know Buffy" she says softly. "I guess that's for you to figure out."

I run my hand over my face. This is gonna be even harder than I thought.

"Thank you, Willow…"

I can't see it, but I know she smiles.

"You're welcome."

There's a pause, and then a thought suddenly occurs to me.

"Why now?" I ask.

"What do you mean?"

"Why couldn't I see him before?" If he was looking for me, how come I didn't see him earlier?

"Because in order to see it, you have to believe."

Of course. That makes sense… but still… something's not right.

"I did believe a week ago, Will. And yet, I couldn't see him."

"Did you really? Weren't you a little sceptical?" There's that particular edge to her voice again… like she's hiding something. "Between the moment when you heard the old lady's story and the moment you fainted, didn't something happen?"

I'm searching my memory, but there's nothing.

"I don't know… I came to London, I met that guy in the coffee shop, and then… and then…" my voice trails away.

I'm starting to understand.

"I put the bracelet on."

I think I hear her smile again. "Yep… and by doing this, you showed that you believed, even if it wasn't a conscious move on your part."

I look at my right wrist, where the bracelet is still glistening under the harsh light of the airport.

"That's why I can't take it off… it's part of the link!"

There's a beat. "Exactly"

"You're gonna find him, you know?" she says.

No, I don't know. And that's the problem.

"What if I don't?" I ask in a small voice.

"Do you think he's gonna leave you alone if you don't? You'll never get rid of him, so, really, you better find him quickly!"

I chuckle through my tears. "I love you, Will, you know that?"

"Yeah, I do. I love you too. Now get a grip, Summers, and go find him! And don't even try to tell me you can't, I have my resolve face on."

"Got it, Captain Rosenberg!" She's making me smile again, and for that, I love her even more.

"I'll call you when I'm in L.A" I promise her.

"You better!"

"Bye, Willow.

"Bye, Buff."

I hang up the phone, feeling a lot better than I was a few minutes ago. I sit back on the bench, smiling slightly… and I could swear I can feel him, somewhere inside. In my guts, my heart… My smile widens, I hope he sees it.

I'm gonna find him.

o o o o o o o

Yahoo!! Lol

I hope it wasn't too confusing. And okay, it wasn't the most interesting chapter, but some things just had to be explained… ;)

**Special thanks:** To AngstAddicted, beta extraordinaire, and the best little Devil over my shoulder I could ever dream to have... lol! Thanks for coping with my rants, and babble fests!


	7. Chapter 7

**Note:** That chapter is unbeta'd, so any mistake is mine. Blame it on me. ;)

"_**She and I are yet one soul – hers half-alive in me, and mine half-dead in her…" Victor Hugo**_

"_Ladies and gentlemen, we're about to land in Los Angeles. Please fasten your seatbelts…" _

Oh my god, that's the nicest thing I've heard since forever.

The pilot's message rings through the aircraft, and people start to fidget in their seats, some because of fear, some because of anticipation… And some, like me, because they can't wait to get out of that damn flying can. I'm sick of it all, airports, flight attendants, uncomfortable seats, and anything that could possibly remind me of a plane.

Okay, maybe the seat isn't that uncomfortable this time. I did pay for a first class ticket after all… but still, believe me, after ten hours of sitting still, trying to read the stupid magazines you bought thinking they would be interesting, even the cosiest seat in the whole world wouldn't make the ache in your backside anymore bearable.

But I know I don't do it for nothing. I picture Angel's face in my mind, the lost look in his eyes when I saw him in that gas station, and that's enough to remind me of the reason why I'm doing this. Suddenly, complaining about a stupid plane seems really ridiculous.

I keep that in mind as I head out for the terminal, after a successful landing everybody felt the need to cheer, and then when I get my suitcase back. Before I know it, I'm out and waiting for a taxi.

As I walk on the pavement in front of the airport, I bask in what I think is definitely one of the perks of that little trip… the weather. It's not raining. There's a bright, and deliciously hot sun high in the sky, and I can't help but smile as I put my sunglasses on. I missed this… I missed home. Once I get Angel back, I so have to spend an afternoon at the beach. But at the moment, it's not really the most urgent thing…

I've pretty much followed my instincts with that whole thing. Trusted my gut and my luck to tell me where to go, what to do. I knew I had to come to L.A, but now that I am actually here, I have no idea what I'm gonna do. Probably wait for the next sign. Or for the next time I see him… or, his Whisper.

I choose a nice hotel downtown, nothing too expensive since I already know the plane ticket must have emptied what was left of my bank account, and decide to take a nap before heading out and starting to look for him… A big part of me is telling me to skip the beauty sleep and head out now, but my brain kicks in at one point and reminds me of what happened the last time I neglected my health.

I spent five days in a coma. So, thank you very much, but I think I'll be reasonable for once.

I quickly put the contempt of my suitcase in the closet, and lay down on the large comfy bed. As soon as my head hits the pillow, I'm fast asleep.

o o o o o o o

"_Wait!!"_

_I'm running after something, but I don't really know what… there's that strange smell in the air, I can't really identify it… I ignore it, and keep running._

_My legs start to hurt at one point, I don't know how long I've been running… there's that smell again… it smells like… metal? I don't know, I'm kinda confused… My head spins, and that pain in my stomach… I clasp my hand on my belly, and realise that my clothes are damp… I look down… I'm bleeding. I'm bleeding and don't remember being hurt… that's what that smell was…_

_The world starts to fade away around me, and as I fall on the ground, I hear a desperate voice inside my head, calling my name._

"_Buffy!"_

_It's him. I know it's him. He rushes to my side, and kneels beside me, muttering words I can't really make out. Through my half closed eyelids I see him look around in panic, and I want to reassure him that I'll be okay, but as I try to lift my hand to touch his face, he turns his gaze toward my face. His lips mouth a few words I can't hear, but understand anyway._

"_Hold on…"_

I wake up with a start. I'm not really surprised, I expected it… Angel has been guest-starring a lot in my dreams the last few days. What's different this time, however, is that I was the one getting hurt. Not him. I can almost still feel my blood on my hands, and the pain… I look down at my stomach instinctively in the faint light, even if I know it wasn't real, and let out the breath I was unconsciously holding. I'm perfectly fine, my white top unstained and my skin still intact.

I sigh, and run a hand through my messy hair. I glance at the window, I can see it's dark outside… I don't know exactly how long I've been asleep, but apparently it was more than the few hours I had in mind when I decided to rest a little.

I shake my head, and switch on the light on my bedside table, before turning around to get out of bed… only to be greeted by a sight that almost makes me jump out of my skin.

Angel is sitting on the chair next to the door, watching me intently.

My breath catches in my throat… it happens to me a lot, these days. At some point, I'm probably gonna die from lack of oxygen. Just like that. Is it even possible? And God, I'm babbling in my own thoughts…

I can't move, I can't do anything, I'm afraid if I so much as blink, he's going to disappear…

He smirks at me a little, probably guessing what's going on in my head, and stands up to come and sit next to me.

My heart pounds in my chest, so fast that I can hear it and almost feel the blood pumping in my veins. My breath quickens… that man is definitely not good for my health.

But suddenly, and before I have the time to realise he is sitting a few inches away from me, he locks his gaze into mine, and everything starts to make sense again… the world is back on its axis, and nothing really matters, because Angel is there next to me; and as long as I can lose myself in those mahogany pools filled with love, and pain, and a dozen other things I couldn't name but still understand, I know everything is gonna be okay.

Willow's words come back to me as I stare at him, not knowing what to do… _If a whisper appears, it means he's not dead._ And I believe it now… he's not dead. The concrete proof of that fact is right there for me to see.

I'm still not moving, and unaware of the tears that appeared in my eyes until I feel one run down my cheek. I watch as he raises his hand to try and wipe it away, but I never feel the smooth contact of his skin I almost expected... and craved. Something cool and soft dries the dampness under my eye, but the sensation, even if amazing, never chases the regret and longing that are slowly taking over my heart. He puts his hand down with a sad look on his face, and I wish with everything I am that I could take him in my arms, do something, anything, to make it go away.

"Don't cry…"

I jump once again. I heard it… I heard him!! How is it possible? I could hear his words, his voice is low and I have to concentrate, but I can hear him!

I do my best to get over the shock, and soon I'm trying unsuccessfully to find the words to express aloud the thoughts that are rushing through my mind. "H… how can I…"

Nothing more comes out of my mouth. I'm pathetic.

"You're getting closer…"

I hardly made out the last word, but I understood the meaning. And as the fact that he can communicate finally sinks in, my brain starts functioning again.

"How can I find you?"

He doesn't reply, just looks at me, and shrugs…

"I need to know Angel, tell me, where are you?"

"I… I don't know…"

I'm starting to cry again. My shoulders are shaking slightly… I don't want to, but I can't help it.

"But I need to know… please." He has to tell me. I have to know, if I don't find him now after everything we've been through, and after all the hope that has built up in me these last few days, I'll never recover from the pain. He's so close… I can't let him go, not again. I won't be able to.

He's still looking at me in the eyes, a stricken expression on his face.

"Don't… don't cry…"

And it only makes it worse. I try, I swear I try to stop, but I've held those tears back for too long. As I struggle to control my breath, I see him start to fade away.

"No!!" I don't even recognise my own voice, husky with sorrow.

But he seems already far, out of my reach.

"Love you…"

And he's gone.

I press my hands against my face, but no matter how hard I try, I can't contain the sobs that are now shaking my body. I fall back on the bed, and cry my pain away.

o o o o o o o

When I managed to calm down a little, and to breathe for a whole minute without feeling like my heart was going to fall to pieces, I grabbed a stake, and headed out of the hotel.

I'm now patrolling the familiar streets of L.A, hugging myself to try and chase away the coldness that seems to have invaded my whole body. I need to work out my frustrations, and what better way to do this than pummelling a vamp into a bloody pulp? Kicking ass is comfort food I always say, and given that I don't feel like eating right now, it's the perfect solution to get me out of the gloom and doom I seem to be stuck in today.

But apparently, the undead part of the population of this city decided to stay at home. Is there some kind of demonic version of the Jerry Springer Show on TV tonight? I've walked for what seem like hours, and I didn't even get a glimpse of a pointy tooth, or a horn.

And since I don't find anything to distract me, my thoughts go back the subject of the week. Angel. I wish I would see him again, even if I can't touch him… at least we can talk now. Next time, I'll try not to be as emotional… But when I saw him… when I realised that he really wasn't dead, and when he disappeared, it was just too much. I thought I had cried all the tears I had in me for him, over the years. I guess I was wrong.

I keep walking, heading nowhere in particular, and wishing some nasty will spot me alone on the sidewalk and attack me, thinking I'm just some pretty blonde who lost her way. I reach one of the poor streets of the city, the one where run away teenagers try to lose themselves, in drugs, or in sex, or anything they can find… Blank stares vaguely follow me as I pass by, and I don't take the time to stop. What could I do anyway?

I'm just passing the entrance of a dark back alley when I hear a scream. My slayer senses go wild, and I run towards it, never thinking twice. Some action, finally… I'm itching for a fight. There's no light, and it takes me some time to find the person who cried for help. A vamp, obviously male, is holding a brown haired woman in his arms, his face pressed against her neck. I react immediately, launching myself at him, stake in hand…

…When two pairs of arms grab me from behind. Crap. I'm getting too old for this.

The whole alley suddenly lights up, and I'm blinded for a minute. When my eyes finally accommodate, I look around. Two vampires, particularly ugly might I add, are holding me. I don't try to push them away immediately… Good move, because just as I wonder if we're alone, I see at least five more walking toward us.

Damn… How could I let myself get caught like that? Faith would die laughing if she heard about that…

The one who was drinking from the girl lets her body fall in the ground, and turns around to look at me, full game face on.

"Nice party you're having here" I tell him. "Care if I join you?"

He smirks at me. "Not at all… you're welcome… but I don't think you're gonna stay long…"

I give him a hurt look. "You mean you're gonna throw me out? I'm hurt…"

"We know what you're trying to do, slayer… and they don't want you to…"

I raise my eyebrows. "What I'm trying to do? And… what would that be?"

"You know what I'm talking about… They don't want you to bring him back"

So, that's what it is about… of course… I knew it wasn't gonna be easy. Newsflash buddy, I don't care what they don't want me to do… whoever they are. But instead of saying that, I decide to play dumb… it's safer.

"I don't know what you're talking about…"

He just shrugs. "Well, then I guess you'll never find out."

I choose that moment to break free from the vamps' grasp. I throw my legs in the air, using their hold on me for leverage, and kick them both on the face. In two quick movements, they're dust… I guess I'm not that rusty, after all.

Their surprise lasts only a moment, unfortunately. They all attack me at once, and soon, I'm lost in a blur of kicks and punches. I manage to dust three of them in the first five minutes, then two, and finally it's just their leader and me. I walk slowly towards him, and he walks backwards, trapped between me and the wall. I need some answers. Now.

"Who sent you?" I say, holding Mr. Pointy menacingly in my right hand. Maybe if I find who my enemies are, I'll figure out how to bring him back… Right now, I'm holding onto that hope.

He lets out a humourless laugh. "Like I would tell you… you couldn't do anything against them anyway. If you kill me, more will come."

I shrug. "Well, I'm willing to take the risk."

I'm about to throw him a punch when a noise at the other end of the alley is distracting me. Three young men are running my way.

"Crap…" I mutter. I turn back towards the vamp, and do a double-take. He's not there anymore.

Everything after that very moment seems to happen in slow motion. I don't know how he did that, but he's behind me, and holds me tightly against his chest. I can't move my arms, and my feet are not touching the ground. He closes his hand around mine, the one that holds the stake, and no matter how hard I try, I can't stop him… He lowers it until it comes in contacts with my stomach, and with one last push, breaks the skin just under my bellybutton. I let out a silent cry.

"Tsk, tsk… A slayer did a bad job today…" he mutters in my ear, before letting me fall out on the ground. "See you in hell, bitch."

When the men who were running toward us finally reach me, he's gone. One of them kneels beside me, I vaguely hear them talk about vamps, and hospital, and being too late…

"Hold on…" the one close to me says. He talks very gently, and I catch a glimpse of dark skin… He scoops me up in his arms, pressing something against my belly…

And then, for the second time this week, I fall into oblivion.

o o o o o o o

So? What do you think? Maybe I got a little over-dramatic...

Please, review! ;)


	8. Chapter 8

**Note:** Wow, that was a quick update, wasn't it? What can I say? Reviews make me write faster. So, you know what you have to do now… lol ;)

Chapter rated PG for use of the f word, and unbeta'd, again. Sorry.

Oh, and I'm not a doctor, nor a nurse, so the hospital procedures are not really my forte. Bear with me, okay?

Now, on with the chapter!!

o o o o o o o

"_Wake up…"_

My head hurts. Really… I feel like I have the mother of all hangovers, but I don't remember drinking anything. Actually, right now, I don't remember much of anything at all. The world is blurry around me as I struggle to open my eyes, and I'm starting to wish I hadn't woken up. My whole body aches, and my mind isn't really clear… I've been drugged, or something…

And then I hear it. A low, regular, and terribly annoying beeping sound.

Beep… beep… beep…

The haze around my memory starts to clear up.

Beep… beep… beep…

The alley, the vamp, my stake, the young men…

And suddenly, I understand. And I have to let out a groan.

Not again...

If I wasn't so pissed off, and if my body was in full possession of its capacities, I would probably laugh. Because, really, it's hilarious… in a pathetic way.

I'm in a fucking hospital, again. And yes, I know, language, but honestly right now I couldn't care less. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck… sometimes it just has to come out. Even if the therapeutic properties of the word are much less efficient when you think it than when you say it.

I would say it out loud, or maybe even shout it, if I felt like I could actually utter something that would vaguely sound like a word. My mouth is dry, my tongue feels numb, and my skin itches somewhere on my belly. Oh, and, the best part, I have needles poking everywhere, and a tube in my nose.

Great… this is bloody great, as Spike would have said. How on earth am I gonna get Angel back if I'm stuck in a hospital bed?

Not that I'm planning on staying… I'm the slayer, I heal pretty quickly, but I still need time to recover. And time is what I don't really have.

Those vamps were after me for a reason. And it wasn't to ask me out, or to add the Slayer to their collection of victims. No… they were organized, knew where I was, what I was doing… and were obviously acting on someone's account.

The sixty-four billion dollar question now is… Who?

Why don't they want him back?

Okay, stupid question, he wasn't exactly the kind of guy who everybody liked… He had his share of enemies. I remember the weeks after his death, we had quite a lot of work cleaning up his mess. Faith and a handful of the girls did most of it… I wasn't really in shape.

But still, it's strange… why now? Why attacking me and trying to stop me now that I'm so close? What did set all those events in motion? The old lady, the bracelet, the Whisper, the vamps… He's been dead for two years, and suddenly, the whole world knows there's a way for him to come back. I'd really like some kind of explanation for that…

And how could his coming back possibly be a threat for the underworld? Besides the obvious, I mean… What are they afraid of? Does he know something important? Is there some kind of master plan that requires his presence to fight evil?

I wish I knew… I need to understand.

Ow… but now, what I really need is some aspirin… or possibly some morphine…

"Ah, good, you're awake…" a cheery voice says, startling me.

Yes, I'm awake… and I hurt like Hell. A white human form is moving around me, and I can hear the sound of paper being shuffled.

"How do you feel?"

That question… I make a feeble attempt at rolling my eyes. Peachy, with a side of keen… Moron.

Did I mention how much I hate doctors?

He checks the bandage on my belly, and I can see him write something on a board before putting it at the end of my bed.

"You scared us, you know? But you seem to be healing incredibly well… and quickly!" he says.

I clear my throat. I really wish I could talk.

He lifts up the head of my bed, so that I'm almost in a sitting position. "I can't put it higher because of the wound on your stomach" he says, before handing me a glass of water "here".

I throw him a grateful glance. Okay, he's nice for a doctor.

"Thanks" I manage to croak.

He just smiles. "I can't give you anything to ease the pain at the moment, you have to wait a few hours… is it bearable?"

I nod. It hurts, but I've had worse… I'll survive.

"I have some information to ask you…" he says, grabbing a pencil from his pocket, and a sheet.

"Okay…"

"I suppose you have a name?"

I just look at him. No, genius, I don't, I'm No One, the vampire Slayer. Is he for real?

He sees the look on my face, and his smile widens. "Sorry, it's just, you didn't have any wallet, or ID on you when you were brought here. So, you were labelled Jane Doe, and we put you in a room with John Doe over there…" He points at a bed a few feet away from me, half hidden behind a curtain. I'm not alone in the room… great… my life keeps getting better and better…

"He's been here for about a week, and nobody came to reclaim him… So, we had a matching set of Does…" he says, chuckling.

I raise my eyebrows. I try to see the fun, but… no. I don't. And I'm friends with Xander, so, that's gotta mean something.

He has the grace to look embarrassed. "Sorry… Try working in a hospital… you'll develop a weird sense of humour."

He clears his throat, and spends five minutes asking me questions about my name, social security number, address, who's the president (and that, I wish I didn't know)… Given that I feel like my brain is surrounded with cotton, it's a miracle I can remember anything.

He explains to me the nature of my wound, what happened… I was brought here by two guys who found me on the street, bleeding to death, but didn't know what had happened… yeah, sure. But I'm not about to tell him anything about the groups of demon fighters in L.A, he would probably just call the nice men in white coats and send me to the psych ward of this miniature version of Hell.

I apparently went through a two hour long surgery, my organs needed some stitching up… And that was almost two days ago.

Well, it's still better than five days, isn't it?

He leaves the room after unplugging me – according to him, I don't need the heart watch anymore, and I'm kinda relieved because the insistent 'beep' would probably drive me insane after a while… my relief only lasts a minute, of course, since John Doe my unfortunate roommate apparently has his own little noisy computer. Damn. The doctor tells me to press the button beside my bed if I need anything, and to wait for the nurse who will bring me a telephone. Giles, Dawn and Will are probably freaking out, they must have tried to contact me… I remember telling Willow that I would call her once I arrived in L.A… and of course, I forgot.

Well, this is all Angel's fault.

I smile at that, and shake my head… Sure, Buffy… Blame it on the missing guy.

The nurse finally comes in, and I call Willow, who almost cries in relief. She makes me swear that I will be careful in the future, and once I tell her that she really doesn't need to come all the way here, she threatens to send Faith to help if anything else happens. My sister slayer is currently in San Francisco, so, she'll be here in a heartbeat if I need her. Our relationship has considerably improved, over the years. She's like family… you don't choose them, sometimes you don't even like them, but in the end, they're a part of you you can never get rid of.

I hang up, feeling a little better but still completely sore, and tired. I drink another glass of water, and lean back as comfortably as possible against my pillow… I can see the sky, outside my window. It's the middle of the night, and wish I could see the stars, but the city lights are making it impossible. I sigh, hoping I'll feel better soon… I have a lost love to find.

My eyes are just starting to close when I feel it. That little tingle, down my spine, in my stomach… that slight tug at my heart… I barely manage to keep my eyes open, just the time to see him sit down on the chair next to my bed, a smile on his face. I make a feeble attempt at grinning back, before finally falling asleep, feeling protected and at peace.

My Angel is watching over me.

o o o o o o o

I'm currently going through what must definitely be one of the most boring days of my life. Really…

And if I see one more nurse coming in with anything that vaguely resembles a needle, I might get violent. And we all know that doesn't happen very often, don't we?

I slept for nine blissful hours, having, for a change, very nice dreams, some of them not suited for young and innocent ears, which is why I'm gonna stop talking about it now, before I start to embarrass myself. Oh, and something about a fruitbasket and twizzlers… go figure.

I woke up feeling incredibly better. I'm ready to go out, I could run a marathon… Now if only the doctor would have believed me sooner… He was slightly surprised when he saw my wound this morning, it's closed, and already scarring. A few days from now, it will just be a memory. I played Miss Complains-a-lot ever since I came back to the land of the conscious, hoping I would piss them off enough so they would let me out. And it worked, but only after I spent the whole day in that damn bed, watching the ceiling, talking to Lisa, the nice young nurse who took care of me, and counting the beeps of my neighbour's monitoring system… all the while resisting the urge to get up, rip the curtain off, and choke the poor man, just to make it stop.

They have no medical reason to keep me here, since I'm perfectly fine, but my quick healing left them a bit puzzled.

I caught a few glimpses of Angel here and there, lurking in the corner of the room… he couldn't really talk to me, since I was barely alone for a few minutes in a row. There was always somebody, checking on me, on John Doe, cleaning the room… Frustrating. And when I was finally at peace for a moment, he was nowhere to be seen. Typical.

At no moment this time did I feel like crying when I saw him. I think I got over the shock of the first few times. Besides, now, I know it's just a matter of time before I have the real live version of him to hug and cuddle as much as I want. And to hell with the curse, he owes me at least that. Now, when I see his Whisper around, I just want him to come closer and talk, or, I don't know, just be there.

He was there only an hour ago, and smiled at me while Lisa fussed over me… and left after he realised that she was going to change my bandage, which meant I was going to be half-naked. Angel… always the gentleman. Even if I could swear he tried to peek before vanishing in thin air.

Hey, just thinking about this now… does he really disappear and go somewhere else? Or does he just become invisible and keep walking around without me noticing? I look around the room suspiciously at that thought, feeling suddenly very self-conscious…

I shrug that thought away. There's nothing I can do about that now, and I'd better not start with the "what ifs".

But still. Disturbing thought.

I signed the release papers a few minutes ago, and I'm now getting up from the bed. I really need to get dressed, and get gone, because I can't stand that place anymore.

I've barely put my feet on the ground when Lisa comes back in the room, humming slightly off-key.

I groan a little, but with a smile.

"Please, tell me you don't come to chain me to the bed… I might have to use my knowledge in martial arts if you even try…" I tell her.

She chuckles. "Don't worry, you're safe." She comes closer, standing next to me, ready to help me out if I can't stand up on my own.

"I still think you should stay longer, but actually, I'm not here for you. I'm here to take care of my very favourite patient over there" she says, pointing at John Doe's bed.

I give her a disappointed look. Of course, it would work better if I wasn't grinning. "You mean I'm not your favorite? I'm hurt" I say, putting my hand over my heart.

"Sorry sweetie, he's more my style. Besides, he's way quieter than you are."

I laugh at that. She gives me a grin, and once she's sure I can stand up without support, she hands me my clothes. "He's quite the celebrity here, actually… All the girls wanted to take care of him. But I won the prize!" She singsongs the last part of the sentence. Then, after a pause "Actually, we drew lots, and I got the better deal" she adds with a smile.

"You people in hospitals are weird" I tell her, raising my eyebrows.

She laughs, and seeing I don't need her, leaves me alone to change, walking around my bed to take care of her patient. I turn my back to her, trying to find some privacy. I hear her open the curtain around his bed as she continues to babble.

"Hey, it's not everyday an unknown guy in a deep coma is dropped in front of the ER entrance, with no ID, no papers, nothing…"

"Well, that happened to me" I tell her.

"Sure, but you woke up with enough brains to tell us your name"

Yeah… that's a plus. I put my clothes on one by one, slowly, trying not to rip out any stitch. My body is still a bit sore… I'm putting my shoes on when she starts talking again.

"And actually, it helps that he's one hunk of a guy" she says.

That got my attention. I can't resist. If only I had known earlier… Hey, just because I'm one man's girl doesn't mean I can't look, right?

"Now that's interest…" I say as I turn around, and see my roommate's upper body for the first time.

And any sentence I might have said dies before crossing my lips.

I freeze as I see his face… I would know those features anywhere. I drop my second shoe on the floor, and my right hand flies in front of my mouth.

Lisa obviously realises something is wrong, because she jerks her head up to look at me. But I don't really see her. My eyes are stuck on the guy who was next to me all this time, and whose little beeps threatened to drive me crazy.

"Buffy?" she says "Are you okay?"

She looks from the guy to me, and back, as the implication of my reaction finally dawns on her.

"Buffy, do you know him?"

Oh yeah. I know him. Quite well, I might add.

I can't believe what's happening right in front of my eyes.

"Buffy?"

I think she's getting worried. But I ignore her, as the tears start to fall down my cheeks. I walk closer, to make sure I'm not dreaming.

No. I'm not.

It's definitely Angel who's sleeping on this bed.

o o o o o o o

Evil laugh

I got you there, uh? Okay, maybe it was a little obvious… but what can I say?

I hope you liked that chapter, because I'm really excited about this one. This is where I reveal the main part of my plot to the world… please, if you don't like, be gentle… lol! That fic is my little baby, and I'm a little insecure about it…

Anyway, I have some things to say.

No infringement of any kind is intended to Marc Levy. The whole coma thing… well, let's just say, he thought about it sooner than I did, and wrote a great book about that, "If only it were true", which I really advise you to read if you're a hopeless romantic. Actually, it's the book that inspired the movie "Just like heaven", that, by the way, I really didn't like. The book is way better.

But I only borrowed him the coma thing, the rest of my plot is definitely very different. Maybe there will be a few other similar elements here and there, but nothing really essential.

And that's it for now!!

Now, please, click on the little blue button below… yeah, just there, you got it! ;)


	9. Chapter 9

**Note : **Hey there ! Second update of the day, I'm feeling incredibly inspired… maybe the fact that I'm stuck indoors because of the rain helps a little, too… lol;)

There are people here, and I know it, who read, lurk around like a certain Whisper we all know and love, and never review. Well, that's rude, you know that? –narrows her eyes and looks at your guilty face, you should hide now- How can I know if people appreciate the story, and if there are things I have to change, if they don't tell me what they think? Ever thought about that?

Except, of course, my beloved reviewers, you guys are the best. I send you all a naked Angel with a big red bow around his neck, a box of chocolate, and a bouquet of flowers. If some of you are male, make it a naked Buffy, and forget the flowers…

What? Jealous? Well, if you want one, review.

LOL, okay, I stop now, I had my fun for the day… ;)

On with the chapter… unbeta'd, again.

o o o o o o o

I'm starting to have trouble breathing. I don't know how long I've stood there, staring at him… I'm trying to form words, but nothing comes out of my mouth. I don't really trust myself to speak right now, anyway.

Lisa is standing a few feet away from me, but I'm barely aware of her presence.

The only thing that counts, is that I've found him. He's here, flesh and bones… if I dared to take the few steps that separate us, I could touch him.

But I'm not sure I can walk right now. My body is disconnected from my brain. The only thing it can focus on at the moment, is remembering to breathe. Slowly. In, and out.

My hands are shaking, and I'm not sure my knees will keep me standing for long, but no matter how hard I try, I can't move an inch.

I can just stay there, frozen on the spot, silent… and watch him, my hand still clasped over my mouth, the bracelet dangling from my wrist.

I watch, spellbound, as his chest slowly rises and falls, rhythmically… and only at that moment do I realise the only thing it can possibly mean.

Angel is in a hospital bed. He breathes. And I pretty much spent the last thirteen hours listening to his heart beat… or beep, depends. Whatever. Who cares about semantics in moments like that?

Angel is human.

That bit of information snaps me out of my daze, and I start to walk, finally. I have too many questions, I can't take the time to think about them right now. Lisa is speaking, but I don't hear her. I don't care.

Before I know it, I'm standing beside his bed. I don't know what to do… he's lying there, unmoving, with needles everywhere… so many wires… He's in rough shape. He has shadows under his eyes, despite the fact that he's asleep.

The beeping sound I found so annoying a few minutes ago is now like music to my ears… Soothing, reassuring… a proof that he is more than just a dream.

My hand finally leaves my face, and I tentatively reach out to touch his.

The moment our skins make contact, the world around me disappears. Nothing matters but him, his breath, his heart, his face… I let the tears that were gathering behind my eyes go, and sit down next to him.

I run my fingertips on the top of his hand, marvelling at the warmth that emanates form his body, before finally clasping my fingers around his. I'm trying not to sob too loud, I don't want to break the peace of that moment… of that feeling. I feel like suddenly, a part of me I didn't now was missing came back to life.

I brush the side of his arm with my left hand, the right one still holding his tightly. I never want to let go. I want to crawl into bed with him, curl up against his chest, and stay there until the end of days comes. Possibly even longer than that.

I'm so lost in my thoughts, in my feelings of relief, joy, confusion, sorrow… that I don't realise immediately that I have an audience.

When I finally hear someone whispering behind me, I turn to around, to find myself in front of Lisa, and two other young nurses. One of them is crying… but mostly, they look bewildered, and curious. I'm not sure I'm ready to face any questions. Because what I want, is answers.

Where is Angel when I need him? His Whisper, I mean? Did he know, all along? When I saw him last night, and today in the room… why didn't he tell me?

But what I also need to know, and it occurs to me just now, is what's wrong with him. Why is he in a hospital? Was he hurt? I think she said he's been here for a week, brought by some people, and… in a coma? Will he wake up?

My headache is back. I don't know if I'm strong enough for this…

Who am I kidding?

Of course I am. I can feel his skin against mine, his presence deep in my heart, and that's more than enough to keep me going. I was ready to fight for much less than that.

I clear my throat, trying to chase away my tears, and Lisa is by my side in heartbeat, handing me a Kleenex. I take it with a grateful smile… I know why she does this, and why they're all here. Sure, she's a very nice girl, and she wants to help, but I'm not stupid. They're all dying to know the truth, and the story of the gorgeous comatose patient. Great… now we're gonna become the hospital's favourite gossip subject.

"Sorry…" I say. I apologise for my little breakdown out of habit… but really, I don't care.

We all jump when the doctor who took care of me enters the room in a hurry.

"What happened?" he asks, out of breath. "You beeped me?"

The three nurses turn around to look at him all at once, and Lisa smiles at me before addressing her superior.

"Looks like our John Doe just found himself a girlfriend…"

o o o o o o o

When I recovered from the shock, they all started to bombard me with questions. I've spent the last few minutes trying to fill in the blanks in the very few information they have about him.

Well, actually, they know more about human Angel than I do. His blood group, for instance, and thank God nobody asked while I chuckled at that particular one… Probably blamed it on my nerves, which isn't that far from the truth, actually.

He is, physically speaking, completely healthy. No sickness, nothing broken or bruised, everything works properly... A young man in his late twenties, sportive, well-built… but in a deep coma. They are monitoring his heart just in case, since they have no idea what he can possibly be suffering from and don't want to risk missing any heart failure.

The thought of losing him again now that I truly have him back terrifies me. I'm gonna sit next to that bed twenty-four seven from now on, watching the lines of his cardiac rhythm on the screen.

I know I can't do that, but thinking it helps me. A little.

I'm at a loss as to what to say concerning his identity. Angel doesn't have a social security number, an insurance… Hell, he doesn't even have a last name.

They all left the room to give me some privacy, something I am really grateful for, and gave me some forms I have to fill in.

What would be really handy, right now, is a certain Whisper of an Angel that hasn't shown his face around here for the last few hours. At least I could ask him what to write… Like his age, for example… If I recall correctly, he was twenty-seven when he was turned. But he told me that years ago, and unfortunately, I'm no Willow… My memory isn't a book I can search through for information.

Besides, I'm still a little distracted by the fact that a very alive and breathing Angel is sleeping next to me. Every time I try to focus on the sheet on my lap, my eyes eventually go back to his face. My hand is still clasped with his, and I'm not sure I'm ready to let it go just yet.

I stare back at the form, and close my eyes, sighing in defeat. I don't know what to do. I feel like my cheeks have been damp for hours, and that's probably the case. Every time I realise that I've stopped crying, I start again.

I shake my head, and grab the phone the nurse left on Angel's bedside table. I quickly dial Willow's number. I have no idea what time it is in England, and frankly, that's the last thing I'm worrying about right now.

She picks up the phone after three tones. "Hello?"

I take a deep breath. "Will?"

"Buffy?" she pauses for a second, and I can almost picture her panicked expression in my head. "Are you okay?" she asks in a hurry. "What's that sound behind you? You're still at the hospital? I thought they were releasing…"

"Will…" I cut her off. "I… I found him."

"What? Who?"

I don't reply, and I think it finally dawns on her when I hear her gasp. "Really? Oh my god, how is he? Where was he? I never thought you would find him so quickly!!"

"He's…" I try with everything I am to utter a coherent sentence, but nothing comes.

"Why are you still in the hospital?"

And that's when I break down. Completely, hysterically. I tell her everything, the coma, the beeping sound I'm still obsessing over for some reason, his hand, the nurses, the doctor, his blood group… I pour my heart out to a silent Willow, who just lets me speak through my sobs without interrupting.

"And now" I finally tell her, my voice almost controlled "I'm sitting beside his bed trying to fill in those stupid forms, and I don't even know his last name!"

I stop, my breathing shallow and fast, in residual fear, anger, and lot of feelings I can't really identify at the moment.

There's a beat, a silence at the other end of the line. I'm almost afraid she's fallen asleep or something. But then, after a few seconds, I can finally hear her reaction.

And it's the last one I could have possibly expected.

She bursts out laughing. A deep, uncontrollable laugh, and I'm pretty sure there's even a tear or two somewhere in the middle. I remain completely silent for a few seconds, slightly hurt, wondering what on earth is going through her head right now, and what could be considered funny in everything I've just been through.

But the thing about Willow… her emotions are very communicative.

Only a moment later I'm laughing with her, barely managing to stay on my chair… I laugh so hard I'm starting to have trouble breathing, and I'm probably ripping out a few stitches. I hold my stomach, crying tears of laughter, and boy doesn't that feel good. Suddenly, life doesn't seem so complicated. I don't have a clue as to what I'm laughing about, maybe it's my nerves, but I decide to enjoy it while it lasts.

When we both finally calm down, I ask her why exactly she reacted that way.

She giggles again. "Buffy" she says in a soft voice "do you realise what you just said?"

I keep silent, I don't even remember what came out of my mouth.

"Did you even take a second to savour what you actually have? He is back, Buffy. And human. So, okay, he's in a coma, but we both know it's not always definitive! Especially given the particular circumstances! The only thing that should matter right now, is that you've found him, and he's alive!"

A slow smile starts to spread on my face. I take back Angel's hand, I had dropped it during my little laughing fit. He's here, and real.

"And I'm sorry" she continues "I didn't mean to react that way, but your last statement about his last name just killed me."

I chuckle. "Okay, maybe I'm being too pessimistic here" I admit "I should see the bright side of the situation."

"Absolutely!" she says "And, Buffy?"

"Yes?"

"About the forms… you don't necessarily have to fill in everything. How are you even supposed to know his social security number? Use your own name… in the next few days, I'll try to get him a real identity; hopefully, by then, you'll have talked with him about what name he actually wants."

I sigh in relief. "Thank you, Will… You're the best"

"I know, I know" I can hear her smile "What would you all do without me, uh?"

"Good question! Bye willow!"

"Bye"

I hang up the phone, and put it back on the nightstand.

I look at Angel's face, and run my fingers down his cheek.

She's right. I should count my blessings and just be happy with what I have. It's a hell of a lot more than what I had only a few days ago. And I'm more than okay with that.

I quickly fill in the form as well as I can, and put it down on the bed. I kiss his hand, and rest my head against his shoulder.

In matter of minutes, I'm fast asleep in my chair.

TBC

o o o o o o o

So? What do you think? ;)


	10. Chapter 10

**Note:** For some reason, I couldn't reply to the reviews I got… So, thank you everybody, you guys keep me writing!! I hope you'll like the new chapter!!

And, surprise surprise, it's unbeta'd again.

o o o o o o o

"Buffy?"

The soft whisper reaches my ear, but not my brain just yet.

"Buffy… wake up…"

The voice is familiar, and a part of my mind knows that I really should open my eyes… But I'm feeling way too comfy to really consider it seriously.

That is, until I realize that I'm not in a bed, I'm sitting on a chair… and my head is resting on something soft and warm, and… wet?

I jump, my brain suddenly registering where I am. I fell asleep with my head on Angel's shoulder… and, to my horror I obviously drooled on him.

I wipe it off, my cheeks heating up even if I know nobody sees me.

Only when I think that do I realise that somebody woke me up. I'm not alone…

I jerk my head around, and find myself face to face with a smiling… Angel. I close my eyes, feeling slightly dizzy… This is beyond weird. I still have my hand on his shoulder… only, it's not really his shoulder, it's his body's shoulder, because him being incorporeal, it would be kinda hard to touch his shoulder, and… ow… my head hurts. I should quit rambling to myself. It's not healthy.

I take a deep breath, and finally look at him. The Whisper him. He's still smiling, I'm sure he saw me wipe the drool off his hospital gown… I decide to just act as if it never happened, and smile at him.

"Hey…" I say when I finally get my voice back.

His grin widens. "Hey…" His voice is just a whisper, but I can hear him clearly now.

I still can't get over the fact that there are two of him in the room. It's kinda… disturbing. Though, the thought is kind of appealing…

Oh, God… bad, bad thoughts. Focus, Buff, focus.

I shake my head, hoping he won't notice the blush on my cheeks in the dim light. But something in his eyes when I finally find the courage to look back at him tells me he sees it. And I could swear he knows exactly what I was thinking about… if I didn't know better, I would think he was able to read my thoughts.

I clear my throat. I still have trouble with that 'no touch possible' factor. Well, where Angel's concerned, I should be used to it, but still… I grip the hand of his human self instead, longing for some comfort and strength in that awkward situation. He watches as I do it, and I know he wishes he could touch me as well…

"I was wondering when you'd show up again…" I tell him.

"I can't really… I can't do whatever I want. Sometimes, I open my eyes, and I'm somewhere close to you… the rest of the time…" his voice trails away.

My heart starts to beat faster. "The rest of the time what, Angel?"

He looks around, carefully avoiding my eyes. "I don't really know…"

I remain silent for a few seconds. The thought of what could possibly happen to him when he's not near me scares me. A memory springs to my mind… _It's cold…_

I look at him, suddenly wondering if he remembers the dream.

"Is it cold? Where you go?" I ask.

"Yeah… It's cold, grey… and I'm alone."

The look on his face makes my heart scream. Why does he have to go through this? His soul should have reached that place I was in when I died, that peace, that warmth… Why don't the powers realize the good he did? Has he been in that place for the last two years? I'm not sure I want to know… But I have to.

"How long have you… been there?"

He shrugs. "I have no idea… time seems to stop when I'm there… I remember the alley behind the hotel, and then… it could have been two months, two years… I don't know."

"Two years."

He jerks his head up. "Wow… somehow, I hoped it wasn't that long…"

I have zillions of questions to ask. I don't know how to start… It's the first time since the beginning of this that I can talk to him without breaking down. I realise only now that I haven't actually talked to him since that night in Sunnydale… A lifetime or two ago. I remember telling him some nonsense about cookies, and growing up… I tortured myself with those memories for months after his death, thinking about all the things I should have said but were too afraid to tell him. A part of me wants to tell him everything now, I'm tired of being reasonable, of hiding, of losing time… But I know that I would only hurt him.

And what if he doesn't feel the same anymore? What if he's stuck with me, but wishes I was somebody else?

All the little insecurities I had repressed come back full force now that I can actually think straight.

And I panic. But I can't afford to let him see it.

I try to think of something to say when I hear his voice again. I don't understand the words.

"Sorry?" I ask him.

"Don't…"

I frown. "Don't what?"

He sighs. "Don't start to think like that…"

I just stare at him. Now, this is getting weird. "Do you… do you hear my thoughts?"

He chuckles. "No, don't worry, your thoughts are safe. But I know you…"

"Oh…" I'm feeling a little ridiculous now. Am I that obvious?

He reaches out his hand to let it hover over mine. "I know we haven't been… close, for the last few years before I died. But I never managed to get you out of my heart…" he says with a smile.

I want to cry in relief. Even if the idea that he might have tried hurts a little… But my self-control kicks in… just in time. I take a deep breath, and look at him straight in the eye.

"Well, that's good… because you're kinda stuck in mine too…"

We both chuckle. It feels good, to be able to talk again. To find that the companionship I cherished so much never disappeared… We're gonna need time, to learn to know each other again. But I look forward to this.

He becomes serious again, and I'm starting to fear what might come out of his mouth. If I hear anything about a normal life, I swear, I'll choke him, after unplugging his heart monitor so that no one notices. I'm still bitter about that one.

I'm already ready to jump, but what he actually says takes me by surprise.

"You should stay here as long as you can."

I blink. "Huh?"

"You were hurt, remember? Because of me… as long as you're in the hospital, they won't come to you…"

I had forgotten that. Really, I had a busy few days. "Do you know who doesn't want you back?"

"No… not really…"

"What do you mean, not really?"

"I mean, not really."

I glare at him. "Well, that helps…" I mutter.

He sighs. "I'll tell you when I learn more, okay?"

I snort. "Learn what, and where exactly? You're stuck with me, remember? I'm the only one who sees you, can talk to you, and even knows you're actually already alive!"

"I don't want you to…"

I cut him off before he finishes the sentence. I stand up, letting go of his hand, and start to pace. "I'm the Slayer, I'm more than able to take care of myself…"

"Yeah, and that's why you ended up in the hosp…"

"Shut up, Angel. I was taken by surprise, but it won't happen again. Just in case you never noticed, I'm perfectly able to fight my own battles, and before you even think about objecting, this IS my battle. You're my battle. Just so we're clear."

I'm shouting now. "And why didn't you tell me where you were, actually, uh? All this time I saw you in my room yesterday? You could have at least pointed your finger to your bed, or something?" My breathing becomes erratic with anger. "And how on earth am I gonna…"

"Buffy?" a feminine voice says behind me.

I turn around quickly, to find Lisa staring at me with a strange look on her face. I realize that she can't see Angel… She probably thinks I'm shouting to myself. Well, now at least she knows for sure I'm insane.

I glance at the dear Whisper of my heart, who is currently sitting back on his chair, his hands crossed over his chest, and who's apparently having a lot of fun. He looks at me with the most annoying smirk on his face.

Asshole.

"I… uh… I was…" I'm desperately looking for some excuse "There was a fly… and I got a little angry." Oh my god, that's lame. Real smooth, Buffy. And Angel's seems more and more amused. If only he was corporeal… I would wipe that stupid grin off his face.

Maybe with my lips, but still.

"O-kay… Maybe you should sit down a little" she says.

I sigh. "You're right." I sit back down on my chair, determined to ignore him.

She leaves the room, and I immediately throw Angel my most impressive glare. He doesn't even flinch. God, that man is pissing me off.

I'm wallowing in my shame when he suddenly starts to laugh. A full laugh, the likes of which I rarely heard coming from his mouth, and I start laughing slightly too. He really has changed… and, actually, he seems awfully happy for a dead man. Or, half dead… or at least, a stuck-in-ghostly-state man.

I forgive him for making fun of me, and soon we're quietly talking about the forms I had to fill in. We choose his name –we argue on that for at least five minutes… I hope he doesn't know that I actually try to find one that would look pretty next to mine. Even if I wouldn't admit that under torture. He finally asks why on earth I don't let him choose his own last name, and I'm at a loss as to what to say. I just shrug, and tell him that fine, he can choose whatever he wants. He chuckles, and after five more minutes we settle for Callahan. Not my favourite, but I kinda like this one. He tells me his age, and I'm surprised to realize that I was right, he's twenty-seven. One year older than I am… with two centuries of difference, but who's counting?

We talk some more… and it feels really good. I missed this a lot. I tell him so… he tells me he probably missed me more. I smile. My life is great, sometimes.

But after a while, he starts to disappear again. And the reality of our situation comes back to me… for a few minutes, I had forgotten.

I won't cry this time, I promise myself. At least, not until he's gone. He fades away with a smile on his face, promising to come back soon. I smile back until he's completely out of sight.

The silence in the room once I'm alone with his body hits me like a brick. I bring my hand to his cheek, and kiss him slightly on the lips. I wish he would wake up, like in some sort of fairy tale, only the roles are reversed. I have to save prince charming.

But he doesn't even blink. Bah, I didn't really expect it, anyway.

I sigh sadly, trying not to think about where he might be now, and decide to go back to my hotel for tonight. I need a change of clothes, and a night in an actual bed.

I squeeze his hand one last time, and leave the room without looking back. Because if I do, I'll never be able to walk away.

o o o o o o o

Wow, it was about time Angel finally spoke, wasn'it?

I was thinking maybe I could write a chapter in Angel's POV… what do you think? Should I stick to Buffy's voice, to keep it straight, or should I switch POV from time to time?

Anyway, thanks for reading, and please, review!! ;)


	11. Chapter 11

**Note:** This chapter is Angel's POV! You wanted it, I write it! I'm your humble servant… lol;)

I hope you'll like it!

And again, unbeta'd! I have no patience whatsoever…

o o o o o o o

"_**Since you've gone I've been lost without a trace, … I look around but it's you I can't replace…" Police, **__**Every breath you take**___

I'm back in that place. I don't know where it is, what it is… It feels like I've been here forever, but in the meantime, like no time has passed since I first found myself in the middle of that grey and empty fog…

Everything around me here is silent. And cold… Always the same. After a while, you start to forget your life, who you were, who you loved, what you used to do… All the events, all the faces start to mix up, and all that's left of you is the knowledge that you're slowly losing your mind.

But there are some memories that are harder to give up than others. The moment I held my son for the first time... the peace I felt that particular night a few years ago, before I lost my soul… some random moments with my friends… Her face… I held onto those, like one would hold a lifeline, and only this allowed me to keep some kind of sanity. This, and the dreams…

I though I would never get out of that place. And then, at some point a few days ago, in the blink of an eye, I left it, and found myself in a hospital room. It took me some time to understand that it wasn't a dream… I heard a voice coming from what was obviously the bathroom… somebody was humming, slightly off key… I was sure I knew that particular voice. I walked closer, and before I could move, Buffy was walking right through me. That was a shock, to say the least. For me, and for her, obviously, if the look on her face was any clue. But before I could really figure out what was happening, I was back here.

It happened a few times after that… And between those flashes, I learnt some things about what was happening to me. I learnt that there was a chance that I could come back. I learnt that the dreams I'd had actually had only started a few days earlier, when Buffy had been given that bracelet that allows her to see me… To get me out of that grey area I seem to be stuck in. And I also learnt that I couldn't do anything, she had to figure it all out by herself.

And she did. She found me. But it cost her a serious injury, and two days in a coma.

When I realized what had happened, I hated myself for being the reason she was in this situation. I don't exactly know who is trying to stop her, but I have my ideas… She shouldn't be involved in this.

But then, I saw her face when she saw it was me in the bed next to her. I saw her fall asleep on my shoulder, smiled as I watched her realize she had drooled on me… and all I could think about was that I would let her drool all over me for the rest of my life if it made her happy, and if I could wake up and hold her against my chest. Just one more time.

I saw the glint in her eyes when she told me I was her battle. If I wasn't already in love, I would probably have fallen at that very moment. Hard and fast.

And I decided she should, be involved in this. Because I trust her, and because I'm so proud of her… because I need her. And because she needs me.

I don't know what will happen in the future. I don't know if I will wake up, but I hope with all my heart that I will. I'm tired of making sacrifices… I want to have that chance at life, the one I gave her once, the one I gave my son… I want to live.

I don't know if our relationship will work, but I know that I will do anything to make it last. Finally.

But all I can do now is wait, and see how things will turn out. All I can do is trust.

o o o o o o

_I'm back in her hotel room. She's not here… everything is silent and dark. That's strange… I thought I couldn't materialize anywhere if she wasn't in the area. I turn around, and suddenly see a dark form coming out of the bathroom. I don't know who, or what it is… I can't make out their face. They are shuffling through her clothes, and I clench my fists at my side, wishing I could intervene… They put everything back in its place, nobody would notice any change. _

_I know they put something in the closet. And in the bathroom. I can… feel it. The magic… it's strange._

_The dark form still wanders around the room, looking at her personal items… A few minutes later, they jerk their head up, and suddenly vanish in thin air._

_Just at that moment, Buffy enters the room, a tired expression on her face. She doesn't see me, but she looks around, as if she could feel something. The look in her eyes tells me she knows something's not right, but she shrugs it off… I watch as she takes off her jacket, the same one she was wearing when I left the hospital earlier. It's the same day, she probably just comes back to change and rest._

_She takes her clothes off, and I try to turn around to give her some privacy, but find that I can't. Not because I want to watch, though the idea is not exactly unpleasant… but because I just can't move. Not even an inch. _

_So, I watch. Guiltily, but after all, I'm not gonna pretend I don't enjoy it a little._

_But the feeling that something's not right still bugs me… a voice at the back of my mind tells me to take her hand and run… _

_She heads for the bathroom, with a towel around her body, and I still stand there unable to move my eyes._

_She turns the water faucet…_

_And the room blows up._

I open my eyes with a start, a scream trying to pass my lips. I hold it back just in time to realize I'm not back in my grey place. I'm in Buffy's room, and this time, it's real… I turn around, she taking her jacket off.

Same scene.

I don't even think twice, and try to shout her name. "Try" being the operative word, since I can just whisper. But it works anyway.

She spins around, I probably scared the hell out of her. I don't care.

"Angel?"

"You have to get out of here!"

She frowns. "What?"

I wish I could grab her arm to lead her out more quickly. Not that she would let me…

"Just trust me, and get out!"

She gives in at the urgency in my voice. She opens her closet, takes some jeans and a sweater, and hurries out. We're running together down the hall, good thing there's only her room at this end of the corridor.

Once we reach the stairway's door, she stops, and turns towards me.

"Angel, not that I doubt you, but why exactly are we…"

And as if on clue, at that moment, the room explodes.

o o o o o o o

The mess in the hotel is impressive. The police is investigating, and thanks to Giles, who Buffy called as soon as she had a minute, they don't ask too many questions. They conclude it's just vandalism, some gang that tried to attract attention. I'm surprised that after all this time, it's still so easy to make people believe in lies.

Buffy is still a little shocked. I'm standing next to her, but I'm not sure she's aware of my presence. She's lost on her own thoughts, probably wondering who did that. The why is kind of obvious…

Because she's trying to make me come back.

"You should stay at the hospital" I tell her "I know it should be the first place they come to look for you in, but the fact that I'm still alive tells me they don't know where I am. They won't find it strange that you go there, since you were hurt a few days ago… leave with the ambulance. They won't try to get to you as long as you're in a public place."

She just nods absently. "Okay…"

I sigh. This is not gonna be easy.

"Buffy?"

No response.

"Buffy!!" I say more forcefully.

She jumps, and looks at me, her eyes suddenly clear. "Sorry" she says "You're right…"

I raise my eyebrows. "Then why don't you go to the ambulance?"

We're still in the lobby of the hotel, and the ambulance is just outside the main door, a little on our left. They came for nothing, since nobody was injured, but I guess it's the procedure.

It's her turn to sigh. "I don't want to put you in danger."

"I'm not…"

"Yes, you are."

I just glare at her. She can be so stubborn at times… worse than Cordy. And that's saying something.

She holds my stare, never flinching, but her expression finally softens. "Okay…"

She turns around, and we walk together toward the street.

"You know that I'm gonna have to face them, eventually…" she tells me, her voice barely a murmur.

Yes, I know. But the later the better.

"I can't hide forever. Maybe fighting them is the only way to bring you back."

I reach out to touch her hand, even if I know that I can't… the closeness of her skin warms me up from the inside, and if that's all I can have, it will have to be enough.

We climb in the ambulance, they let her come with them when she shows the wound on her belly. She says the blow of the explosion hurt her, and they take her in.

As we drive away towards the hospital, I finally let out a breath of relief. She's safe.

The paramedics are joking together, congratulating one another about a non-existent job well done. Buffy laughs with them, and I can only look at her, mesmerized by the way her eyes crinkle when she's happy…

God, I hope I'll wake up soon.

o o o o o o o

Sorry, I know it's short… what did you think? ;)

Reviews, please!!


	12. Chapter 12

**Note:** This was a hard one to write. My muse must have had enough of me, because she ran away for parts unknown, leaving me with a story to write and not that much inspiration… But I'm not one to give up that easily, so, it took me a long time, but I wrote! I hope you'll enjoy!

Again, unbeta'd. Sorry. But I'll be careful this time! I had to edit the previous chapter today to fix some mistakes I hadn't noticed, I was on a hurry when I posted it yesterday evening… I won't let that happen again.

Oh, and, we're back to Buffy's POV.

o o o o o o o

I'm back to the hospital. Again. Not that I really mind… I feel better when I know Angel's not alone. 'Alone' meaning 'without me around'. The nurses don't count, they don't know what kind of danger he's in, and besides, sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't protect him from them as well. Seriously, they're always around, fussing over him all day, and I'm sure I saw one of them peek when Lisa had to take his hospital gown off to take care of him.

Good thing Lisa, for one, understands that he is already taken. Because I might have had to get violent if she didn't.

My wound has been taken care of. Not that it needed anything particular, it's almost closed now… But I had to justify the fact that I had come with the ambulance.

And now, here I am, sitting in the hospital's cafeteria, eating things I can't figure out the name of, no matter how hard I try, and drinking coffee.

I hold the steaming cup in both my hands, drawing strength and warmth for the dark beverage. I'm a little cold… I guess the fact that I was hurt and unconscious for two days is finally taking its toll on my body. Besides, I've had quite the emotionally exhausting week…

Angel's gone again. He disappeared when the ambulance was almost in front of the ER entrance. It was something like three hours ago, and I haven't seen him ever since.

I don't know how he knew that my room was going to blow up. I didn't ask, and frankly, all that counts is that I'm not dead. Good thing I didn't have anything too important in my suitcase. I managed to save my purse before everything burnt, so, I have my ID and credit card. As soon as this situation is taken care of, I'll go on the most deserved shopping spree of my life.

But for now, the clothes on my back and the ones I grabbed before running away from my room will have to do. Angel's situation is much more urgent than my lack of fashionable pants.

I sigh. I know I can't hide here forever. It's not in my nature… I'm used to fight my battles, not run away from them… but I also know that I'm gonna need help. Not that I don't want to do this alone, because I'm more than ready to take all the risks to protect Angel. But I can't afford to die now, or get caught. I'm his only chance to come back. I'm not exactly clear on the details, but that much I figured out from what the old lady, the dreams, and the guy in that coffee shop told me. Without me, he'll stay in this coma until he's old and grey.

If only I knew how… if only I knew what I have to do to wake him up, to make his soul go back into his body… but I have no idea. And the Powers probably won't help me… I feel like I'm fighting blindfolded, just going with instinct, hoping it won't fail me.

The sun is starting to rise, I can see the first lights of dawn through the high windows… I'm alone in the room, I suppose sane people are normally asleep at this hour… And doctors on duty are in their offices, not relaxing in the cafeteria.

I get up and walk to the machine to buy my third cup of coffee of the night. When I finally have it, I turn around to go back to my table…

But it's apparently not 'my' table anymore. I jump slightly, surprised… I didn't hear anybody come in. A young girl, probably seven or eight years old, is sitting on the chair next to mine. She's looking around, as if trying to find something… I briefly wonder what she's doing here, but then I remember that I'm in a hospital. There has to be children in here, somewhere.

I smile. "Hey…" I say.

It's her turn to jump. She looks at me for a few seconds, her mouth agape, and her green eyes wide-open. She probably hadn't noticed I was here, the machine is in a dark corner of the room.

"Hello!" she says finally. She gives me the brightest smile, and suddenly it's like the whole room lights up.

"Are you alone here?" I ask.

She shakes her head. "Not anymore!"

I chuckle. She reminds me of Dawn. "Where are your parents?"

She just shrugs. "Around…" she says.

"Do they know you're here?"

She nods, her long dark brown hair waving behind her. "They sent me here!" she says "And look, I have a muffin!" She points at the chocolate muffin in front of her.

"I can see that" I tell her. "Mind if sit next to you?" There's no way I'm leaving a child alone in an empty room in the hospital. I'm gonna sit with her until her parents come to look for her.

"No problem!" she says cheerfully "Why are you here?" she asks.

"Um, because I was hungry?"

She gives me a look. "No, I mean why are you in the hospital?"

I hesitate for a second. I'm not going to talk about my life with a seven year old. No way. But something about her makes me want to tell her, at least the essential.

"Somebody I love is in a really bad shape…" I tell her.

She glances at me, a curious glint in her eyes. "Family or boyfriend?"

I just stare at her, a little startled. That's definitely not the kind of question I was waiting for. And I don't really know how to answer. Angel's not my boyfriend, technically…

"A bit of both" I finally answer.

"Oh…" and she frowns "Is he gonna be okay?"

"I hope so…"

"Do you love him?"

That kid is way too talkative and clever for her own good. She asks the difficult questions. Well, okay, the answer to that one is pretty obvious, and I did call him "somebody I love"… but now that I have to answer the question directly, am I really ready to say it aloud?

Of course I am.

I look around, making sure we indeed are alone. "Yes, I do" I say.

She smiles. "Then, he's gonna be okay!"

God, I wish it were that simple. That kid's innocence is touching… I don't want to be the one to destroy it, so, I give her a smile. "You're probably right…"

She shrugs; "Of course I am! My big brother always tells me that if there's one thing he learnt from my parents, it's that love does win out in the end…"

I chuckle. "Well, you brother must be a very nice person."

"He is… he always brings me candies when he visits, and makes sure mom doesn't see it!"

She has sparks in her eyes when she talks about her big brother. It's kinda cute… When I was a kid, I always wished I had one…

"And what about you?" I ask "why are you here?"

She shrugs again. "Because my parents are here…"

I doubt she'll tell me more. Smart kid, she doesn't tell everything about her life to strangers.

"Why are you alone here?" she asks.

"Well, because my friends are far away from here…"

She frowns, and seems to lose herself in her thoughts for a moment "My mom and dad always say that when you're in a difficult situation, you have to let your friends help you…"

And how right are they? I know I need help… "Your parents must be very wise" I tell her.

She lets out a laugh. "Mom says dad is wise, and she just listens and repeats…"

I laugh with her, and it feels good to smile. I really like that kid.

Suddenly, as if she'd been called by somebody, she turns her face to the door, and stands up. Then, after a few seconds, and before I can even blink, she drops a kiss on my cheek, and starts to run. "Good luck!" she shouts when she's at the door.

I get up, completely taken aback. "Wait!" I shout, and start to run behind her. She shouldn't wander alone in the halls.

But when I finally reach the corridor, the little girl is nowhere to be seen.

That's strange…

I'm tempted to go and look for her, but somehow, I know I won't find her. Whoever she was, wherever she came from, she's gone.

And all of a sudden, everything clicks. I think I just met another of my signs.

I shake my head and look at the ceiling, muttering about how unclear the powers are… what was I supposed to understand? She wasn't like the others, giving me cryptic warnings or encouragements… she was just an innocent kid talking about her life and her family…

I try to think hard about what she told me, and what I should have figured out.

I look around, and only when I see a public phone a few feet away from me does it finally dawn on me.

I need help in this. I knew that… but now I know that asking for help is what I have to do.

I shake my head. There's only one person in the area I could possibly call.

I'm sure I'm gonna come to regret that at some point, but I put some coins in the phone, and wait for the person at the other end to pick up. After a few rings, I finally hear a tired and slightly angry "Hello?"

"Faith" I say "It's me. I need your help."

TBC

o o o o o o o

That's it for now! I know, it's short, but it was really hard.

How do you feel about Faith? Like it? Hate it? Tell me!!

Next chapter soon!! ;)


	13. Chapter 13

**Note:** the muse is back!! Guess she didn't go that far… Anyway, new chapter, I hope you'll like it!

Again, unbeta'd, my beloved beta reader is MIA!! Rebecca, where are you? Lol ;)

o o o o o o o

I thought Faith was going to kill me. Seriously. Yelling in the phone, cursing me, the Heavens, and everything available for being woken up just a few minutes after going to bed. But I knew she was going to come and help anyway, so, I listened, apologized, and told her where I was before hanging up, pretending I didn't have any money left for the payphone. I know, that's mean, but there's only so much my eardrums can take, you know?

That was something like six hours ago.

And now, I'm standing alone in the hospital's main hall, waiting for a mightily pissed off but still willing to give a hand Slayer. Between the numerous long pieces of ranting, I think I understood that she was going to take a bus, so, I suppose she'll be here soon. I'm pacing around, wondering if I took the right decision… Maybe I shouldn't involve anybody in this. I know it's my battle…

Well, that's not exactly true. Waking up Angel is my battle. Killing the guys that want to harm him can be anybody's battle, as long as they're willing to do whatever's necessary to save him. Hence, calling Faith. Among my friends, or acquaintances, she's probably the only one besides Will and Dawnie who doesn't secretly want to see his head on a stick… I guess that makes her the ideal ally in this.

I saw Angel this morning, the Whisper Angel, but he only stayed a few minutes. When I told him about Faith coming to help, he gave me a smile half of relief at the fact that I wasn't going to fight alone, half of joy at the prospect of seeing her.

I'm not jealous. Not at all.

I'm not.

Okay, maybe a little.

Moving on, now.

The secretary at the desk glares at me every five minutes. My pacing must be annoying, I'm gonna drive the poor woman insane… Well, too bad, because no matter how hard I try to stand still, or sit down, I start walking again after something like ten seconds, so, I'm not going to stop anytime soon.

I'm about to start looking for a coffee machine when the doors open on a certain brunette I know very well. Tight dark blue jeans, red tank top and leather jacket… Yep, that's her. Good thing the Council and what's left of the initiative pressured the US government into dropping the charges against her… because hospitals are not really the safest place for escaped convicts.

"Yo, B!" she yells, and some heads raise from behind the desks at the sound. That's Faith for you… Always with the subtlety.

"Faith… Thank you for coming" I say in a lower voice as she drops her bag at my feet. I hope she'll take the hint.

And she does, because when she speaks again, the volume is humanly bearable. "Hey, no big, I needed some action anyway…" she says, shrugging "so, what's the emergency?" she looks around curiously "And, why exactly are you in the hospital?"

I sigh. That's gonna be a long, long explanation. I would have told her over the phone, if she hadn't been in such a bad mood… But as I open my mouth to start, I realize that there's a much easier way to make her understand.

I put my hand on her arm, leading her towards the elevator. "I think you should see for yourself."

She gives me a strange look, but follows anyway. "Okay…" she says, frowning a little.

We catch up a little while waiting for the lift. She's apparently doing great in San Francisco, she has two slayers under her responsibility, a new word for her… I never thought I would ever think something like that, but I'm glad to see her. It's been a while, and I guess I had gotten used to her during those months following the battle in L.A. She kinda grew on me then…

"So, what with all the mystery? You woke me up at the crack of dawn to make me visit the hospital new ward?" she asks, joking, as we finally reach the first floor.

"Well, that's… kinda hard to explain" I tell her, and point at the corridor on our left. "This way…"

Some of the nurses wave their hand at me as I walk by them, and Faith keeps throwing me curious glances. Because of Angel, I became quite the celebrity on this floor…

We reach his room, and as I open the door, I can feel Faith stiffen beside me. She's not really keen on hospitals either…

I lead her inside without a word, the curtain is drawn around his bed and we can only see is feet. Faith stops abruptly as reach out my hand to pull it open.

"Okay, that's beyond weird, what the hell are we doing h… Holy shit!!" She brings up a hand to cover her mouth.

"Yeah… thought so." I tell her, shrugging. The curtain is wide open now, and even in the dim light, we can perfectly see his face.

"But… how… Oh God…" she looks quickly between me Angel, her eyes wide open, and takes a tentative step towards the bed. "It's not possible… I can't believe it…"

"Well, believe it… I checked, it's real, and possible…" I say.

"But… but he 'died', B, we were both there, and we both saw it!.. Him, Spike, that weird blue chick that looked like Fred, and Charlie boy… they all died right before our eyes! You… you cried for weeks… how can he…" her voice trails away, and for the first time since I've met her, I could swear I see the beginning of tears in her eyes.

I watch her walk closer to the bed, and put her hand on his wrist. I start to fidget, waiting for the questions to come… she takes a sharp breath as she probably realizes that he's human now. "Is he in a coma?" she asks.

"Yeah… cause unknown…" I say "I guess it's something mystical, I don't know… Or the shock of the journey back from… wherever he was."

"Hell?"

"No… he told me it was somewhere in between…"

She nods, then frowns, and looks at me. "He told you? ... Er…No offence, Buffy, but he isn't really able to talk right now…"

And at that very moment, as if on clue, Angel appears in the room. Right on time, you'd think he made it on purpose.

But of course, she can't see him.

That's gonna be funny…

I look at him, smiling, and Faith follows my gaze… certainly convinced I've lost some marbles somewhere along the road.

"Well, that's where the best part of the story starts… You should sit down" I say, releasing a sigh.

We both take a sit on the chairs beside his bed, and I start to tell her what has happened to me for the last few days. She keeps silent all along, surprisingly enough, her eyes opening wider every two minutes.

When I finally finish, she whistles quietly. "Wow… that's quite the adventure"

I chuckle. "That it is…"

She looks around, probably trying to see him even if she can't. After a few seconds, she turns her face back to me, a mischievous glint in her eyes. "You mean that there are two Angels right now in the room?" she asks.

"Well, yeah…"

She wriggles her eyebrows. "Interesting thought…" she says with a suggestive smile.

Angel laughs, and I just glare at her. Very funny.

She bursts out laughing at the expression on my face. "Chill, B, don't worry… tall, dark, and broody? Not my style… Besides, if other chicks couldn't get you out of his system, I certainly can't."

Other 'chicks'? I glare at him… I'm not sure I want to know.

"He's right there you know?" I say.

She shrugs. "So what?" And then, she turns around on her chair, looking vaguely in his direction "Hey big guy! Glad you're back from the dust…" she says.

"Glad to see you too, Faith…" he whispers.

I transfer the message. "You know, there's no way I'm spending the next hours playing the interpreter…" I tell them. "Angel, don't talk… that's too confusing…"

He shrugs, still grinning. "Well, I was gonna tell you she was right about the other 'chicks', and that you were still the one in my heart… but since you don't want to listen to me…"

I blush. "Okay, maybe you can talk a little."

Faith looks at me with a jokingly disgusted look on her face. "I don't even want to know…"

I clear my throat, trying to force the heat away from my cheeks. "So, what do you think about those guys?" I ask, changing the topic.

"The vamps?"

"Yeah…"

"Well, we're gonna look for 'em, find 'em, and kill 'em… Simple as that" she tells me with a shrug.

"I wish it were that simple… I doubt they're gonna wait for us in the middle of the street…" I say, raising my eyebrows.

"You told me you're the one who can wake him up, right? And they apparently know that… so, chances are that they're gonna look for you…"

I nod slowly, understanding "You want me to play bait…"

"Exactly" she says, smiling.

Angel walks closer to me, trying to meet my eyes. "No way!" he tells me, a panicked expression on his face "You can't do that, you don't even know who they are, what you have to face…"

"And what better way to find out than provoking them?" Faith asks out loud, interrupting his rant.

We both stare at her, surprised. She can't have heard him, that's impossible.

She smiles. "I guessed" she says. "The look on your face, B, it said it all… and besides, I know him well enough to know how he'll react to such a dangerous plan…"

I snort. I'm not jealous. At all.

I glare at Angel, slightly pissed off at his attitude. I'm a big girl, I make my own choices. "We're gonna do it" I say. "I can't wait forever, watching over my shoulder to make sure I'm not being stalked!"

He sighs, shaking his head. "Fine" he hisses, and starts to pace around the room.

"So?" Faith asks "Tonight?"

I nod "Tonight"

Angel turns around again "I still think it's a stupid plan."

"Well, nobody asked you…" I tell him with a stare.

"If anything happens…" he stops abruptly, and looks down at his body. He's starting to disappear. "Damn…"

I try to hide my fear for him. I hate when he fades away like this… I'm always afraid he's not gonna find the way back. I walk closer to him. "Don't worry" I tell him.

He jerks his head up, looking at me. "I will" he says, and reaches out his hand to touch my cheek.

And as he finally vanishes, I can swear I feel his fingers on my skin.

I sigh, and look back at Faith, who watches me with a saucy grin. "Come on, B… We've got to get ready if we want to save your Honey…"

I chuckle, and follow her out, dropping a kiss on Angel's forehead before leaving the room.

TBC

o o o o o o o

So? What did you think?


	14. Chapter 14

**Note:** Sorry for the time it took me to write that one, I had quite the busy week… it wasn't easy! But now, it's here, written and ready, but still unbeta'd!

I probably won't be able to post a chapter every day from now on, I'm on holiday in my family and we don't have any internet access at home. I have to go to a cyber café to read my emails! That's hard, but I cope… lol

I'll try to post chapters as often as possible!

And now, on with the story!!

o o o o o o o

_I'm walking through that fog again… that place… that's where I saw him in my dreams, alone, suffering… but this time, everything's silent. _

_I know he's here. I can feel it… I thought that particular gift I had, the fact that I could feel him whenever he was near, had disappeared with time. That years and distance had dulled it… I was wrong. It's still here, deep inside… and lately, that sixth sense has been going wild. _

_I keep on walking, sure he will find me… I'm cold, I feel like that fog is penetrating my skin, chilling me to the bone… I hug myself, running my hands on my arms to try and warm up my body._

_Before I even have the time to realize what happens, his arms encircle my waist. I lean back into his chest, breathing in his scent… I know, somehow, that this is a dream. I should enjoy it while it lasts… _

_He drops a light kiss on my neck, and the top of my head, before rubbing his cheek against my hair._

"_I'm gonna miss you…" he says. My heartbeat quickens… what does he mean?_

"_When are you gonna miss me?"_

_I feel him shrug behind me. "I don't know… I just feel it…"_

"_Don't go…" I say._

_He kisses my skin again. "I won't…"_

_The simple sound of his voice soothes me, and I stop worrying. He won't go, and that's all that counts. I feel slightly light headed… As if nothing mattered except him… _

_His right hand runs down my arm and lightly caresses my wrist… the bracelet tingles a little as he touches it. "You didn't tell me where you got it…" he tells me, still whispering._

_I frown… I was sure I had. __I lace my fingers through his. "It doesn't matter… soon, I'll have all the time in the world to tell you about my travels…"_

_His arms tighten around me "You shouldn't say things like that…"_

_My breath hitches. I turn around hastily. "What?"_

_But he's gone, again. "Angel?"_

_I realize now that I've left that place… the fog has vanished, and I'm back in my house in Sunnydale. In my bedroom… the sun is pouring through the windows…_

_There's a flash, and the whole room becomes dark… that cold… that feeling…_

_Another flash, and I'm back in the fog. Angel's standing beside me… the light blinks, and for a second I could swear he's bloodied and bruised… but before I even have the time to look closer, everything's back to normal. His shirt is still white, and his hand reaches out to touch mine._

_A flash, and his lips are brushing mine… My stomach tingles wildly, my insides hurt… I need to get closer…_

"_Buffy?" a voice says, echoing around us… but I ignore it, as I move to circle my arms around his neck…_

"_B?" that voice again… I close my eyes, and feel a warm hand on my shoulder, shaking me…_

"Wake up!!"

I jump, and open my eyes wide, to find myself face to face with… Faith. I groan, before sitting up on the bed, resting my weight on my arms. That girl has the worst timing in the world. "What?" I ask, a little more aggressively than I intended to.

She raises her eyebrows. "Gee, Buffy, not a morning person, are you?"

I glance at the clock at her words. It's five pm… "It's not exactly morning, Faith."

"Well, given that you snored for three hours, I figured it would be like a whole new day for you…"

I just stare at her… I think I'm missing something here. "I sno… what?" I ask, shaking my head slightly. And then I remember… We left the hospital and Faith chose a motel three blocks from there. She said she was going to buy cigarettes, and I decided to rest on her bed a little. Three hours ago.

"Sorry…" I tell her "I guess I need some coffee to clear the f… fog…" I say, but my voice trails away with my last word… I feel like I should remember something, a detail… I'm missing some important information, I know it. I shudder.

"Are you alright?" Faith asks, frowning.

I shrug the bad feeling off, and look at her. "Yeah… just a dream… a really weird dream…"

She watches me for a second. "uh uh… okay…" she says.

I stand up, and head for the mirror in the corner of her room. It's a small one, with little fishes and bubbles on the frame… the whole room is decorated with sea things, and blue… It looks like a picture out of _The Little Mermaid_. I smooth down my hair, sighing, and rub my eyes to try and make myself look more awake.

Faith moves around behind me, I can see her reflection in the mirror. She puts weapons out of her bag, and changes her top.

"The sun sets in a few minutes" she says as she disappears in the bathroom "We should head out soon".

"Yeah…" I let my arms fall at my sides and turn around to sit back on the bed. This is gonna be a long night… But we have to do this. We have to find them, and fight them… If I keep on hiding, I'll never get rid of them.

I rest my elbows on my knees, clasping my hands together, and stare at the window in front of me. Just a few minutes of light left…

A voice whispering in my ear makes me almost jump out of my skin. "Will you be careful?"

"Angel!! Don't ever do this again!"

He's sitting beside me, a sheepish look on his face. "Sorry… I didn't realize… but will you?"

I frown. "Will I what?"

"Be careful…"

Of course. What else?

I sigh "I will… you should quit worrying like this, Angel. I've been doing this for quite a lot of time now, even longer than Faith!"

"I know, but… I have a bad feeling about this"

I turn my face to look in his eyes. "Did you… did you dream something?"

The expression on his face gives me the answer. He was there with me too…

"Maybe we're overreacting… it was just a dream" I tell him.

"Yeah… maybe"

Faith storms out of the bathroom at that moment, and places stakes at the waistband of her pants. "You ready?"

I stand up, and clap my hands in what I hope looks like an enthusiastic move. "Yep!"

I walk closer to her bag, and look through it absently… Mr Pointy is still in my pocket, that stake has more lives than me. I have to smile at what I can see in her stuff… She thought about everything, really. Stakes, crossbows, axes, holy water, crosses… and at the bottom, the Scythe. I left it to her when I decided to travel. There was no way I could have brought it with me everywhere, I would have ended up at the police station more than once… My smile widens as I grab it and quickly swing it around me. The familiar slightly tickly sensation spreads through my right arm, the power it holds slowly invading my system… I missed that particular feeling. That weapon is like an extension of myself… it's mine.

Only, not exactly. It also belongs to the hundreds of slayers we activated thanks to it. But Faith and I managed to save it, and take it away from their inexperienced hands. After all, there are way too many of them, I don't see how they could possibly share.

It wasn't a selfish move on our part. At all. It was only to make sure it wouldn't be scratched, or destroyed. We, at least, could keep it safe. And use it well… A lot.

And we were there first. The others can just respect their elders and leave us alone.

What?

"You look like a kid who just found her favourite toy…" she tells me, shaking her head.

I just shrug. "You had it for a while. My turn to play…"

I can hear Angel chuckle behind me. What can I say? I love weapons. "You, Mister I-can't live-without-my-favourite-broadsword, don't laugh at me…"

Faith raises her eyebrows. "Angel's here?"

I nod, and she looks around, a dubious look on her face, before shrugging. "That's freaky, you know that?"

Angel and I both laugh. "What isn't, in our lives?" I ask.

"True... but hey, normal lives would be boring, don't you think?"

I sigh theatrically, and glance at Angel… "Yeah, definitely!"

She snorts. "Yeah…" she says, shaking her head "Now, come on, girlfriend… we got a vamp…" she frowns "… ex-vamp… or future ex-vamp, whatever, to help and save…"

I follow her out, still clutching the Scythe in my hand. Angel sighs, and walks after me.

o o o o o o o

Three hours later, we still haven't met anything remotely dangerous beside a couple of rats and a horny cheeseburger seller.

"Looks like we overestimated them… maybe they're not looking for you at all… you sure you didn't misinterpret that bastard's words?" Faith asks, looking around.

I shake my head "Yes, I'm sure. That was before I got stabbed, I might have been a little out of it, but not deaf… and not dumb."

She throws her hands in the air, and turns around, walking backwards in front of me. "We've been walking around for hours… I'm bored out of my mind, and even our personal ghost left because he'd had enough…"

I frown. "He didn't leave because he had enough, he left because I could see through his chest… it's not like he can exactly control this"

"Yeah, whatever… but still, I didn't see any vamp, or demon, or even a stinky street cat around here"

I don't answer. What can I say? I'm getting antsy too. But if she opens her mouth to complain again, I swear, I knock her out. Twice, just to be sure.

I glance at her out of the corner of my eye. She's toying with her stake, making it turn around her fingers… I know she's itching for fight as much as I am.

"Well, you know what they say about slaying" I tell her, shrugging "It's ninety-five percent…"

"Waiting, I know… Whoever said that better be already pushing daisies, because if I see them, I might get a little angry…"

"You mean, angrier than you are now?"

"Shut up"

"You know, I'm starting to wonder why I called you…"

"Because I was the only one in the area?"

There's a beat. "Probably…"

"And because you knew I wouldn't try to kill your sweetheart as soon as I had a chance…"

I nod enthusiastically. "Well, now that you mention it… Yep, I think you just put your finger on it…"

She smiles a little, before going back to her annoyed and annoying pouting and fidgeting attitude. "I say we should screw it for tonight, forget the patrol, and go party… there's a club two blocks from here, I'm sure we can make a lot of… friends…"

I raise my eyebrows. "You're aware that we're on a serious mission here?"

She throws her hands in the air again. "Yeah… basically, we're trying to wake up Angel so you can get laid."

"Very funny…"

"Ain't that the truth?"

The amount of times in my life I glared at that woman… good thing looks can't kill, because she would be dead by now.

"So, just because you're one man's girl doesn't mean I have to become a nun while I'm here… you don't want to have fun, fine. But don't spoil mine."

I just shake my head. "Faith, I'm not…"

"Oh come on… maybe they'll find us there, who knows? Besides, I need a drink, and a cigarette… and I'm sure we can meet really interesting people…"

"Of the male kind?"

"Of course" she says with a smug smile "where would be the fun otherwise?"

I sigh. "Indeed"

I'm about to tell her I'm just gonna go back to the motel when I spot a dark shape a little on my left. I look closer, and realize it's Angel. He looks around curiously, and raises his eyebrows.

"You're still here?" he asks. He's gotten used to his appearances and disappearances; it doesn't seem to unsettle him anymore.

"Yep, still waiting for the wolves to find us… and getting bored"

"Yeah, well, better together and bored than alone and hurt…"

I hear Faith clear her throat behind me, and turn around. "Sorry… uh… Angel's here…"

"Yeah… I kinda figured it out when you started talking to yourself" she replies.

"He thinks we're better bored than hurt…" I tell her, then sigh. "Maybe you're right, we should go to the club?"

"A club? What club?" Angel asks quickly. I manage to hide my smirk as I start to walk again.

"Faith wants to dance, and meet 'people'… I think she's right… I need some fun…"

"Um… I thought you were gonna go back to the motel, or something?"

The look on his face… priceless…

I just shrug. "The night just started…"

Faith is watching me with a grin on her face. I think she understands the main point of the conversation. "Jealous, Angie?" she asks out loud, trying not to laugh "Don't worry, I'm gonna take care of her…"

"Well, that's exactly what worries me…" he mumbles.

I start to laugh. "I'll behave…"

We keep on walking and laughing at Angel's expense, but as we pass the second block, the lights in the street suddenly switch off. We stop abruptly, and Faith and I immediately move to stand back to back in the middle of the sidewalk, stakes and Scythe at hand. Years of practice taught us not to waste time. "Looks like we just found them…" she says quietly.

Angel is standing a few feet away from us, looking around. "Can you see them?" I ask. He just shakes his head, but Faith pokes her elbow in my ribs. "This way" she whispers, pointing at a shadow on her left.

I follow her finger, and finally see it. Two vamps… That should be easy, but I know there must be more of them. My spider sense suddenly goes wild, and Faith's too, if the shudders I can feel coursing through her body are any clue. I look around, and that's when I see them. Fifteen, at least, maybe more… Angel is walking closer to us, a worried look on his face… "I don't think there are more… but you can't face them all. Just run" he says.

"I don't think it's a possibility right now…" I tell him. Vamps are encircling us, we have no way to escape. We're gonna have to fight.

I'm getting ready to jump when I spot a familiar face among them. The vamp who tried to gut me is here. The leader.

"How many lives do you have, exactly?" he asks. "You're harder to kill than a Clorsw'ath demon…"

I have no idea what a Clorsw'ath demon is, but I shrug. "You know… I'm like Kenny. They keep killing me, but I always come back…" He just looks at me, an eyebrow raised. "Never mind. Pop culture reference"

"I'm not gonna miss you this time…"

"Yeah, I know, I know… You're gonna stab me, bite me, and stomp on my corpse… the usual…" I tell him, smiling. "But there's just one thing you forgot…"

He smirks "Oh… and what is it?"

Faith steps out from behind my back, and faces him. "Me"

We don't take the time to see his reaction, and jump towards our enemies. Angel watches us fight, I know he wishes he could do something, anything… He clenches his fists at his sides, and his eyes never leave my body… I can feel them dig holes in my back.

We fight for long minutes. Good thing Faith is here, because if she wasn't, I don't know how I would get out of this. I probably wouldn't… We throw kicks and punches around, and soon, more than the half of them are dust. Faith shouts at me to take care of the leader while she kills the four that are left around her. I pause for a second, and when I see she can handle it, I run to the fifth vamp, and move to behead him. But before I know it, he's grabbed the scythe and thrown it away from me.

"I wanted to fight you myself…" he says, smiling.

"Yeah, well, savour it, it's not gonna last…" I reply as I take a stake out of my jeans. I see Angel's worried face out of the corner of my eye, and make a promise to myself that I'll be careful and save him.

That vampire must be an old one. I don't know his name, and I don't want to. I don't care. If I have a say in this, he will be dust in less than three minutes. But there are some things I need to know first.

"Who sent you?" I ask him between punches. Same question I asked the last time.

"I don't think you know them…"

"Try me…"

He just laughs, and ducks as I try to kick him in the face. He's fast. Really fast.

"You wouldn't even understand… you can't begin to conceive what they're able to do… even if you get rid of us, they'll send others… and on, and on… until you're dead. We can't afford to let him come back…"

"Why? Why him?" I ask, exasperated. This is getting old… some information would be nice, I wouldn't feel like I'm walking in the dark that much.

"Do you really need to ask that question?"

Well, not really. Angel is walking closer to us, as if trying to intervene even if he knows he can't. I let myself be distracted for a second, and the vamp takes advantage of that. I just have the time to hear Faith shout "Watch out!!" before I fall on the ground. I barely manage to roll on my back when he straddles me, and starts to hit me wherever he can.

But I'm not one to lose so easily. With a quick move of my hips, I flip us over, and soon I'm standing on my knees beside him. I raise my stake to finally kill him, I can't waste anymore time asking questions he won't answer…. But he grabs my wrist, and I pull reflexively, sending him flying away from me. I hear the sound of something breaking, and Angel's voice whispering "No…", but I don't pay attention to it as my enemy starts to run towards me again. I'm vaguely aware of Faith's fight, I think she just got rid of her last opponent. I keep watching as the leader approaches me, and when he's at arm's length, I brutally shove my stake in his chest.

He opens his eyes wide, and a few seconds later, he's dust.

I sigh, turning around to look at Faith. "Well… we didn't really learn anything interesting. Looks like we're back to square one…"

But she doesn't listen to me. She's staring at something behind me, a shell-shocked expression on her face. I frown, and look over my shoulder…

Angel is standing there, looking down at his chest.

I'm about to ask what's wrong when I realize that Faith can see him. How can Faith see him? Is it over? Is he corporeal? I start to smile, but my brain registers that something's wrong…

He's becoming… transparent. It's not the first time it happens, he disappears every now and then… but right now, I don't know why, I feel like something's not normal… A wave of cold washes over me, and I start to shake.

"A…Angel?" I ask tentatively.

He looks up, and I can see the panicked look in his eyes… He slightly shakes his head, and before I know it, before I can even realize he's walking, I'm in his arms.

He's solid. He hugs me tightly, and I hug him back, not really able to do anything but try to hold back tears… He cups my face in his hands, and everything seems to happen in slow motion. He lowers his head as I stand on my tiptoes, and our lips meet halfway… I pull him closer, circling my arms around his neck, and soon, I forget we're in the middle of the street, I forget Faith, the soreness of my muscles after the battle… all I can think about is Angel, as if my whole body was singing his name… I feel like I've been waiting for this forever, his skin, his hands on my back, that particular scent… He deepens the kiss, and I completely lose myself in the feeling of his lips, his tongue slowly caressing mine after all this time… I could stay like this forever, with my heart beating wildly behind my breastbone, and that heat… I'm warmed up from the inside, it starts in my belly and spreads through my whole being…

But something's not right. Something in that kiss… salt? And… Farewell?

I tighten my embrace, and let out a moan… there's no way I'm letting him go now. No way. He kisses me more urgently, and if I was able to think straight, I would realize what's not normal here.

He pulls away, and I whimper at the loss of contact.

When I open my eyes, he's gone.

It takes me a while to come back to earth. My legs are shaking, and I feel like my knees are about to give out. My breathing slows down, and I slowly turn around to look at Faith, whose eyes are glistening in the dark. She's just standing there, her arms limp at her sides.

I swallow harshly. "Did you… did you see him?" I ask with a weak voice.

"B…"

"It's just, if you saw him… I mean…" I try to find the words. I grasp at straws, I know it… "it's a… good sign, right?"

I start to walk towards her, and she just shakes her head. Something crushes under my foot as I take my second step, and I look down to see what it is.

When I finally figure it out, a strange but somehow familiar pain starts to swell in my chest… or is it in my soul? I don't know… I can feel my heart break as the world comes crashing down around me.

There, on the ground, broken in a dozen pieces and its rocks still shining in the dim light, lies the bracelet.

TBC

o o o o o o o

Wow… that one was hard to write. Took me forever, I think it's my third try… I kept writing it, reading, deleting, and writing it again! Lol

I think it's my longest chapter so far!

What do you think? I know I'm cruel…

I'm not really sure about the battle scene, it's not my specialty! And I hope I didn't get too emotional with the kiss…

Please, review, and tell me what you liked or disliked!! ;)


	15. Chapter 15

**Note:** Wow… a lot of people are hating me now! I'm almost scared to go out on my own… I've been threatened you know? Lol ;)

I don't know if I've replied to all the reviews I got, I only have a limited access to internet, so I don't have the time to do everything I'd like to do… I'm sorry, but even if I didn't reply to you, I really appreciated the feedback, I was grinning like an idiot at all the "Oh no!!" or "you can't leave it at that!!" Some of them even made me burst out laughing, and believe me, people were looking at me strangely!! Lol! Thank you guys, you're the best!

I started this one with Faith's POV, but I'll switch to Buffy's after a while. Don't worry, it'll be indicated!!

Still unbeta'd, but the good new is that my slave-driver is back… she didn't say anything, but it made me write anyway! (If I don't, I'm afraid she's gonna hunt me down and beat me with a shovel… LOL! Just kidding, love you Rebecca!!)

o o o o o o o

"_**I'm being haunted by a whisper, a chill comes over me…" Full Blown Rose, Somebody help me (Tru Calling's theme**___

_Faith's POV_

I'm not sure I understand everything that's just happened. The whole story in itself is kinda confusing… I mean, Buffy just told me about it a few hours ago, and she didn't exactly have the time to list the details. The one thing I know is that the big guy had a chance to come back, and his fate was somehow linked to that bracelet B was wearing.

And now, that bracelet is broken. I saw Angel become transparent, kiss her, and vanish like a sort of ghost… I couldn't explain how or why, but I all the while I had that feeling in my gut… that feeling that something was gonna be bad, really bad… maybe it was just the look on his face that said it all, I don' t know. But it sure as Hell felt like the end. Just like that… No dramatic music, no tears, just a few seconds of silence in an empty street, and the sound of Buffy's harsh breathing.

I'm still standing here, unmoving… thoughts are struggling in my brain, some tell me to grab B's hand and run, because if a vamp finds us like this, we're dead. Some tell me to cry… And others tell me to yell at her for not being careful, for not making sure that the damn thing would stay intact…

Didn't she tell me it couldn't be broken? Wasn't it supposed to be stuck on her wrist until she found the solution? Guess it wasn't… I'd like some explanation for that, I'll call Red as soon as I can.

Because I'm not sure Buffy is able to do anything right now.

I snap out of my daze, and finally look at her. She's kneeling on the floor, frantically picking up pieces of gems and silver…

I've seen her at her worst before. More than once. But the expression on her face… I remember that time, back when the whole gang was in high school, we had to fight demons from the Hellmouth in the library, to prevent the Apocalypse. Angel got knocked out for a few minutes… she was pretty much in the same state she's in right now.

It's what's gonna come next I'm afraid of. Because what's gonna come next is worse… It's gonna be like it was two years ago, when we came to L.A too late and saw them all die right under our nose. She fought then, fought hard, we won, but afterwards… afterwards she disappeared. Not physically, she was there with us, but Buffy herself… she died a little. I don't think she cried right away. She played Slayer General with the kids for a while, talked to us, but I'm not stupid… I could see what she was trying to hide. She was trying to hide the ugly and bleeding wound in her heart.

I found her on the roof of the Hotel five days or so later, and beat her into talking. We fought, yelled, and after a few minutes she just burst into tears, heavy sobs that shook her whole body, and before I knew it she was clutching me between her arms, crying, sobbing her pain away, cursing him for leaving again… and I was hugging her back. Me…

It took her a few weeks, but she started to come back to life at some point. And then, I left, I don't really know how she dealt after that… I was near her only periodically. I just know that her life was a mess for a while, the veil had been lifted on all the lies, all the manipulations… She ran away from the Scoobs for a few months. But she moved on with her life, and forgave them eventually… that much I know. There was David for a while, and apparently the whole gang thought she'd found the love of her life in the person of that really nice and cute cook who knew more than he should have about the real world. I think she even believed it, she was holding onto him like a lifeline, they were so lovey-dovey it was sickening… but in the end, it became clear that it wasn't really love… just need. Loneliness, coupled with a lot of affection, and need.

When I saw her earlier, in Angie's hospital room, I was stunned by what I saw.

A smile. A real one, that even hidden behind the mask of exhaustion and stress, made her eyes shine… I don't know when exactly I started to consider her my friend and pay attention to that kind of detail, I wouldn't admit that under torture, but I do. She's kinda like family you know? Sometimes, you don't even like them, but they're a part of you anyway.

And what I know for sure, is that I hadn't seen such a smile on her face for years. Maybe for ever, now that I think about it…

I still haven't moved an inch. I don't know what to do… She's shaking so hard, that I don't think she really manages to pick up anything from the ground.

I look around, making sure we're alone, and finally take a step towards her.

"Buffy?"

She doesn't reply, doesn't even look at me… she's mumbling words I can't make out, and trying to prevent her hands from shaking.

"B?" I call out, a little louder.

She jerks her head up, and the look in her eyes makes mine mist up. She's… lost.

"Faith" she says, as if realizing only now that I'm here "I… uh…" she runs a hand on her face, and through her hair, closing her eyes. Her breathing is still fast and shallow. "Can you… can you help me? I need… I need to find all the pieces…"

I don' t move. The bracelet fell into pieces so tiny that some of them probably aren't visible.

"Buffy, Maybe-…"

"Faith" she says more forcefully "I need to get it all back okay? Maybe… maybe I can fix it, or I don't know, do something…" she's almost shouting. Then, she sits down on the ground, and paws at her pockets. "I need my cell phone… I got it back before my room blew up… I need to call Willow, maybe she can fix it…"

She's babbling now, almost incoherently… I don't really hear what she says. But I know I have to say something.

"B, you can't fix it, okay?" I say angrily. And immediately regret it when she finally stops talking and looks at me. I feel like I've just slapped a kid… or killed a puppy… only, a thousand times worse.

She blinks a few times, and I can see the beginning of tears in her eyes. She shakes her head slightly "No… no, I know I can… I have to, you know? If I don't, he'll… he'll…" her voice trails away, and I can see her bottom lip start to quiver. "He'll be…" She takes a deep breath, and stands up. The tears finally fall down, and are now running down her cheeks. "I can't let him go, okay?" she shouts, and I jump. "I just can't… not now, not after everything…"

I walked tentatively towards her, she needs to calm down… now is not the moment to break down, or do anything stupid. "B…" I don't think I'm gonna be able to say anything besides her name tonight. Not if I want to master my emotions.

"Shut up!" she yells. "I'm not gonna give up now, okay? I'm gonna pick those pieces up, and fix the damn thing!" Her voice is husky with tears, and sobs she's holding back with all her might. She raises her chin, in a typical stubborn Buffy posture. And I should know it.

I tried. I really tried. But I'm not really known for my capacity to keep my temper.

"You can't!" I say, yelling too. "Look at this thing, it's BROKEN, Buffy, teared, wasted, FINISHED! You . can't . fix . it."

I don't see it coming, really. I must be getting rusty. But she punches me in the face, so hard that she sends me flying. Well, serves me well for not keeping my big mouth shut. But still… I get up to try and hit her back, but before I know it she's on me, screaming at the top of her lungs. "Don't say that, ever again! You have no idea, no idea what it is to-…"

She doesn't have the time to finish that sentence. She pushes me out of the way as a car enters the dark street, almost hitting us. Then, realizing something, she opens her eyes wide as it passes by, and opens her mouth to shout, but it's too late.

We hear something crack, and we know that the bracelet ended up under a wheel.

I watch, shocked, as she gasps loudly. She shakes her head again, faster and faster, but I don't think she's aware of that. She opens her mouth, again and again, only to close it back without uttering any sound. Her hands fly to her face as she falls on her knees, and that's when they finally come. The sobs. "No…" she says, but I can barely hear it through the hitches of her breath, and the moans. She draws her knees closer to her chest, and rests her forehead on them, burying her hands in her hair.

I'm not a big fan of that kind of situation. It's awkward, because I never know what to do… but right now, I do the only thing I can think about. Something I would never have done a few years before, but I learnt, over the years… I kneel on the ground beside her, and lock my arms around her shoulders, clutching her as tightly as I can for the second time in my life, trying to absorb some of the trembling of her body. Because if I don't, if I hold her too loosely, if I don't pay attention, I think she might really fall apart.

o o o o o o o

_Buffy's POV_

I don't know how long we stayed there. On the sidewalk of that street, me crying my heart out, and Faith holding me… I'm starting to see a pattern here. Three times in my life I cried for him, for his… his… disappearance, and two of them it was in my sister Slayer's arms. Who would have thought, uh?

I don't want to think about it too much. I don't want to think about anything… I just want to, I don't know, maybe lie down and sleep.

Which is what I'm trying to do at the moment. Faith made me stand up at some point, and led me back to the hotel. She's in the bathroom right now, soaking in the tub, to give me some privacy and maybe mourn on her own…

It's strange, that I don't cry anymore. I don't even feel like it.

Actually, I don't feel much of anything. I'm just… numb.

I think back of what happened, of the bracelet, his face, his kiss… and it doesn't hurt. It doesn't do anything at all. I feel like I watch somebody else do these things in my memory, but it's not me.

A thought, an idea, or I don't know what, is nagging at my brain. I know there's something I should think about, I should remember, but I can't figure out what… it's like trying to remember a dream, the more I think about it, the closer I get, the more the details slip through my fingers.

I toss and turn on the bed, trying to make myself comfortable, but I can't. My whole body aches unbearably, inside and out… I wasn't hurt during the battle, I don't understand where that pain comes from. The only wound I have is on my wrist, the bracelet scratched my skin when it was ripped off. Strange… it should be closed already, but it's still bleeding, staining the light blue sheets. I watch, spellbound, as the tiny droplets of blood slowly trickle down my arm to fall on my pillow… all those tiny stains, like pieces of a broken heart plainly spread out for me to see…

I have the strangest thoughts when I'm not in my right mind, really. But it doesn't bother me… nothing bothers me anymore.

I keep staring at the blood, intently, until my eyes hurt and everything becomes blurry… I've watched it for so long that I start to imagine things… The stains are dancing in front of my face, moving, melding together to form… letters? I tilt my head, frowning… yeah, it's definitely a word… A red, angry word…

_Help me_

What? Help who? A part of my mind knows that it should make sense to me, but I can't listen to it… I just shrug… that day was really strange.

But when I feel a cool hand on my shoulder, everything comes rushing back.

I jump, and turn around, and he's here. Beside me, staring at me with hurt in his eyes, pain written all over his face.

A pain that brings out mine.

I remember now, I remember why I cried, how it felt, to be so close to him only to have him ripped away from me again. To feel his lips on mine, his arms around me, for the sweetest of goodbyes I wish I never experienced. Goodbye doesn't work well with us.

"Angel?" I ask, my voice barely above a whisper.

He doesn't reply, but gathers me in his arms, and I don't protest. I literally jump on his lap, sobbing… it can't be true, but it feels so right, so real… what is he doing here? I thought he was lost forever… I lock my legs around his waist, and drop kisses all over his face, on his neck, his shoulder… maybe if I don't let go of him this time, he'll stay with me.

He holds me just as tightly, never minding the tears I drop on him… he runs his hand up my back, under my sweater, sending shivers through my whole body, and straight to my heart. A few seconds later we're kissing again, desperately, passionately, as if our lives were depending on it. The urgency is making dizzy…

I want him, now. I don't care that Faith is in the bathroom a few meters away from us, I don't care that he's not supposed to be here, I don't care that a little voice in my brain tells me something's not right… I just need to feel him, to get closer… I would claw my way inside, if I could, just to meld with him forever.

Soon, we're not in the hotel room anymore. We're on a beach at night, but I don't take the time to wonder why or how… I just pull at his clothes, urging him to get rid of them while he unbuttons my jeans, his other hand brushing the top of my breast. It's a good thing he doesn't need to breathe, because with the hold I have on him, he would be dead by now.

Dead…

Why does that word ring a bell in my mind?

I stop abruptly, and look at him in the eyes, frowning…His expression seems a bit lost, the look in his eyes telling me he's a little out of it, dazed by a passion and hunger that are probably mirroring mine… But I'm forgetting something here. His shirt and my sweater are lying on the sand beside us, along with his pants and my shoes… I look at them… is it… blood?

There's a blinding flash of light, and I find myself alone, only clad in my bra and half-removed pants, in a white room… What on earth is happening here?

I hear whispers around me, words I don't understand, in different languages I can't identify… I turn around, and things seem to turn faster and faster around me, my head spins, I close my eyes and bring a hand to my forehead…

When I open them, I'm back on the beach, but I'm alone.

Before I have the time to turn around, two strong and aggressive arms encircle me, and a foreign hand is clasped against my mouth. That body behind me is way taller than I am… strong… and it's… cold, really cold, and in the meantime unbearably hot. It's strange. Not natural. The skin of my back burns, and the pain brings tears to my eyes, but I can't move an inch.

I can feel a face come close to mine, a hot breath brushing my ear as a voice starts to whisper. "You have to know… what do to, where to look. You have to know…"

I moan as the pain in my body intensifies, but I still can't break free from the grasp that thing has on me.

"Just… look"

And he vanishes. The burning sensation disappears, and as I touch my back, my skin is still smooth.

I open my mouth to call out for Angel, but before I can utter a word, flashes of images, faces, moments, landscapes, all sorts of things, start to dance in front of my eyes, trying to force themselves into my mind… it feels like a rape, even if I close my eyes, I can't stop the horrors from reaching me, touching me, violating me… I try to scream, to run, anything…

And all of a sudden, I feel a wet hand slap my face. I open my eyes wide, gasping for breath, my throat sore…

It takes me a while to realize I'm back in the room, it was just a dream… only a dream… Everything was just an illusion… Faith is standing over me, dripping wet, enveloped in a bath towel, and looking at me with a slightly panicked look in her eyes.

"You were screaming like crazy!" she shouts "What happened? What did you dream about, and don't give any 'nothing' crap!" she says, holding out a finger threateningly "We're in this together now, and if the Apocalypse is coming, I have a right to know!"

I'm about to tell her I don't really know, I need time to sort it all out, when my cell phone starts to ring. We both jump a little, she grabs it from the chair and throws it a me.

I open it quickly. "Hello?"

"Buffy? It's me."

Willow. Good, because I needed to talk to her anyway. To her, or anybody else… anything to distract me from the knowledge that kissing Angel on a beach was just a dream.

"Will, I'm sorry I didn't call, I…"

"I know" she says "I know what happened"

"What? How do you-…"

She sighs. "I don't know exactly, I just felt a perturbation, or something, and I know it's linked to you, and, is Faith with you?"

I nod. "Yes, she is…but Will, about A… Angel…"

"I know, it's linked to him too… what the Hell happened?"

And I tell her. I tell her everything while Faith goes back to the bathroom to get dressed. I cry, we both cry, Willow says she's gonna come here and help… She says she doesn't understand how the bracelet could break, it was supposed to be untouchable…

"I'm so sorry, Buffy" she says after a silence. "Did you… did you go back to the hospital to see if…"

Time stops for a minute at her words.

Oh my God…

My breath catches in my throat. How could I forget this? How come I didn't think about it before? I can feel new tears coming to my eyes, what kind of a person am I? I forgot, I completely forgot… Maybe…

This is what I was trying to think about, the wandering thought I was trying to catch… the thing I didn't understand…

I saw him disappear, I felt it, but that place in my heart he's living in, that feeling I'm not always aware of but that never leaves me, that certitude that he's out there, the one I got back only a few days ago…

It's still here. I search for the emptiness I should feel, the hole there should be in my heart, but it's not here. He's not gone. Not really…

"Buffy?"

I snap out of my thoughts at the sound of her voice. "I have to go, Will… Bye." And I hang up, ignoring her questions.

I run to the bathroom, and open the door wide. Faith is putting on her jeans, and looks at me with a reproachful glint in her eyes. "Don't you knock?" she asks.

"Faith… I have to go to the hospital"

She frowns "What? Why?..." And it finally dawns on her. Her eyes widen "Shit!" she says "How could we not think about that?"

"I don't know… but I'm going"

"I'm coming too…"

She puts her boots on quickly while I grab my purse, and we both head out of the room without looking back. As we finally step out of the hotel, I can swear I feel that chill wash over me, that sensation… the same I felt whenever Angel's whisper was touching me.

Maybe everything's not lost after all. Maybe.

o o o o o o o

Woo hoo… don't kill me please… lol

Now, what on earth happened to 'coma' Angel? Maybe he's…

Wanna know? Review, and maybe I'll post the next one today!

I know, I know, blackmail is a horrible word… ;)


	16. Chapter 16

**Note:** I promised it, I do it… New chapter, just for you!! I hope you'll like it!

Interesting thing, listening to Muse makes the muse work harder… Go figure… lol;)!!

Oh, and maybe (a big 'maybe') I'm gonna update Broken Heroes tonight… not sure, but you never know… Now that I'm in front of my computer, wearing my favourite old and loyal two sizes to large pair of jeans, with coffee and chocolate, I can write all night (I enjoy the peace while I'm away from my family… it's not gonna last…lol)!!

And now, after that absolutely fascinating interlude, let's go back to the story… lol

Buffy's POV, again

o o o o o o o

I don't know what I'm expecting, really. Maybe he just died on his hospital bed the minute the bracelet fell on the ground, and maybe that feeling in my gut is just wishful thinking. Maybe he's alive and kicking, waiting for me, tapping his foot on the floor because I'm late. Maybe he's still in a coma. Maybe he just vanished in thin air…

Maybe, maybe, maybe… I'm gonna drive myself insane if I don't stop thinking. Stop hoping, stop wishing…

Faith walks beside me, she hasn't said a word since we left the hotel. We didn't even wait for a taxi, both silently agreeing to walk to the hospital. Just to work off the steam…

Her hair is still wet from the bath, and I envy her for a minute. I wish I had at least taken a shower, I feel like I haven't washed in days… the fight, the tears, the sweat from the dream… If he's awake, I'm probably gonna scare him off.

I try to smooth down my hair, but I stop when I see Faith looking at me, a smirk on her face.

Even if said smirk is a bit tainted by worry and fear, it's still a smirk. She's mocking me… Now, of all moments. I try to narrow my eyes at her, but my heart isn't in it…

I just sigh, and we both chuckle nervously. I know she wonders what we're going to find… Just like I do.

When we finally reach the hospital, I feel my hands start to shake. A part of me doesn't want to know… I'm too afraid of what I might discover. My heartbeat speeds up, and I feel a little out of breath.

Faith squeezes my shoulder as we climb into the elevator. I barely notice it, engrossed as I am in my own thoughts.

I feel like I'm walking in a fog all along… everything is oddly silent around me, but I know it's just an impression. I walk straight to the corridor, never stopping once even when I finally hear a nurse calling out for me…

I only snap out of it when Faith shakes my arm.

"B…" she says softly. I look at, she's pointing at something on our left. Lisa is running toward us, an unreadable expression on her face…

"Buffy!" she finally shouts when she's just a few feet away "We've been trying to call you for an hour!"

I blink. Call me? Why?

"Sorry" I tell her "I… I don't have my cell phone" I left it on the bed after hanging up with Willow. "Why were you trying to call me?" I ask.

"Buffy, it's about Angel…"

I take a deep breath; I think I'm ready to hear anything. But please, please make it be good news…

I open my mouth to speak, but no sound come out of my throat… The words just get stuck somewhere between my lungs and my lips. I just nod, and look at her expectantly.

"He's… he's awake."

I vaguely hear Faith gasp beside me, and my brain registers the death grip she has on my arm, but apart from that, the world around me disappears behind a wave of relief… Relief, confusion, joy, love, hope… So many different things, so little time to savour them all… I nod again, and my face breaks into a tentative grin. I breathe deeply, and start to walk towards his room, not really paying attention at the fact that she's trying to tell me something. I don't ask how, when, why… I just need to see him for myself.

"But, Buffy, wait, you-…"

I just wave a hand at her, cutting her off, and start to walk faster and faster. Faith doesn't follow me, I guess she stayed with Lisa to hear what the nurse had to say… I don't care.

I storm into the room; my heart beats so fast that I feel like my ribcage is going to burst.

When I finally see him on he bed, still plugged to his monitoring system, I feel like crying, and laughing all at once. He didn't die, he's here, alive, breathing, I could touch him if I dared… But he's still asleep.

I frown. Didn't she just tell me he was awake?

I walk closer to the bed, keeping my pace slow and silent… I thought I would never see him again, feel him inside, breathe in his scent… He looks so peaceful I'm almost tempted to take a step back, in order not to disturb him. But I can't.

I run my fingertips down his face, tracing the outline of his lips… His lips I just want to kiss, and never pull away… What I said a few years ago, in what sometimes feels like an other life, is still true. When I kiss him, I wanna die. Die in peace, safely held in the circle of his arms, my last thought for him and my last sensation the softness of his lips on mine.

I smile a little, and take his hand in mine. Maybe I just dreamt what Lisa said, maybe he didn't wake up at all… But he's here, and that's enough.

I sit down on the chair beside his bed, the chair I came to consider as mine, and squeeze his hand, trying to give him some part of my energy, of my strength… I want him to wake up, I need him to come back to me.

But never at one moment do I really believe it's possible. I lace my fingers through his, distractedly listening to the soft beeps of the monitor, a proof that he is, indeed, living…

And almost shout in surprise when I feel him squeezing back.

I hold my breath, and my eyes fly to his face…

He's awake.

His eyes are wide open, he blinks a few times, as if to chase away some blur, some fog…

I don't drop his hand, but stand up immediately, and stare into his eyes. Tears are blurring my vision, but I don't care. Who would?

When he looks back at me, I let out a shaky breath, and clasp my other hand over my mouth to try and prevent the sob that's threatening to come out of it.

Our eyes lock, and the world is right again. He's here, with me, for good. Not a whisper, not a dream, not a ghost… A real live Angel, corporeal and breathing, and with a heartbeat no less.

I start to cry harder, tears flowing freely, but those are not bitter… they are just tiny droplets of joy I can't keep inside, no matter how hard I try.

"Angel?" I whisper when I'm sure I'm not going to break down.

He tries to clear his throat, and I open my eyes wide, and shake my head. "No, don't… don't talk, it's okay, I know it's gotta hurt… But don't worry okay, everything's gonna be alright now…"

I bring my hand back to his face, cupping his cheek, and drop a kiss on his forehead. "I thought… I thought you were gone" I tell him "I thought I would never see you again…"

And more tears… God, I'm gonna dehydrate.

I sit back on my chair, and rest my head on his shoulder, throwing one of my arms across his chest, one hand still clasped into his. I'm gonna wet his hospital gown with my tears, but I don't give a damn… I can almost hear his heart, and I feel his breath under my ear… That's the most amazing sensation in the world.

I haven't really taken the time to ponder what it means, for me. Angel human. I felt before like I shouldn't think about it too much, because if I started to hope and dream, it might slip through my fingers. It didn't feel… real. Possible.

But now, it is.

All the things we can do… all the possibilities… simple things, like going to the beach, eating ice cream together… and more important ones, like children, marriage… maybe I'm being too optimistic here, but it's what I would like to happen. Never wasting one more minute, one more day…

"Everything's gonna be alright now" I tell him softly.

He clears his throat again, I can hear it hurts him, but if he wants to talk, I can't stop him. I look at him, waiting patiently, and squeeze his hand to try and give him comfort.

He looks at me in the eyes again, and for a second I'm lost into those brown orbs I cherish so much and thought were lost only a few minutes ago…

But something in them…

"Do I…" I jump as I hear his voice, low and croaky. I have to concentrate to hear what he says…

"Do I know you?"

I thought nothing could throw me anymore. I thought the worse was behind us… I thought it was over.

But as the meaning of what he just said finally sinks in my brain, as the world suddenly reverts back to the Hell I knew it to be, I realize something I should have known all along.

I was wrong.

o o o o o o o

I don't know how long I've just stared at him, unable to avert my eyes from the ones I know so well… the ones that don't recognize me anymore.

The world around me is slowly falling to pieces… For a second, I think maybe I haven't heard right, maybe I'm just… maybe… I don't know…

But the look on his face says it all. I heard perfectly well.

"That's what I was trying to tell you…"

I jump again, my nerves are very fragile these days. I spin around, almost falling out of my chair… Lisa is standing in the doorway, a sad expression on her face. She points her chin towards the corridor, inviting me to leave the room and join her outside. I look back at Angel, squeeze his hand again, and stand up, reluctantly letting go of it. "I'll be back" I promise. I see a flicker of something in his eyes… something I can't really put my finger on… I push the thought aside, that's not important right now.

I follow the nurse out, and a doctor is waiting for me in the corridor. "Miss Summers" he says, and I shake the hand is holding out to me.

"Doctor Perkins" I say, nodding.

He leads me towards the waiting room, and we both sit on the chairs. Faith is already sitting there, and looks at me sadly.

"Miss Summers, it appears that your… uh… friend is suffering from a form of amnesia"

No really? How did he guess?

"He remembers a lot of things, who's the president, where he is, the year… he's perfectly healthy… the only problem is that he doesn't remember anything about himself."

I nod again, I don't seem to be able to do much of anything else, really. "Will he… will he remember… after a while?" I ask.

He just shrugs "Maybe… maybe not. Some things, particular events, or persons, can trigger his memories and make them come back to the surface. But it can take a long time… Don't push it, let him figure it all out by himself…"

I nod again.

"You should go home now" he says.

I jerk my head up. No way, no way am I leaving this hospital until Angel leaves with me.

Faith intervenes before I jump at his throat. "It's okay, B, I'll go back to the motel, you stay here, I'll bring you clothes" she says.

I throw her a grateful glance. The doctor knows there's no need to discuss it, I won't listen to him anyway… He stands up, and starts to walk away. "Fine" he says, smiling "your chair is still here…"

I smile back at him before turning back to Faith, letting the mask fade away from my face. I swallow harshly, and she nods.

"Looks like it's never over, uh?" she asks.

Yeah. Looks like will never see the light… It occurs to me that maybe she wants to see him "Do you… do you want to-…"

She cuts me off with a wave of her hand "Nah, not now… maybe tomorrow" she says "I'm gonna head back to the hotel, 'kay?"

"Yeah… take a cab, you know we're still not safe"

She just snorts, and raises her eyebrows "Worried about me, Summers?"

I chuckle sadly "Never"

She smiles "Thought so… I haven't seen pigs fly through the window yet…"

With that, she turns around and walks towards the elevator. I take a deep breath, and start to make my way to the room… only to stop halfway, standing alone in the middle of the hall. I don't think I can do this. I'm going to break down in front of him… I'm already starting to fight back the tears…

As I ponder the possibility to just run after Faith and leave the hospital, a tiny hand slips into mine.

I look down…that's the same little girl I met this morning…

She's staring at me, a curious look in her green eyes. "Are you lost again?"

I just nod, again… my head is probably going to fall, at some point. "I think I am"

She shrugs "Well, I think what you're looking for is not that far… you did tell me the person you loved was in this hospital"

Point taken. A few feet in front of me actually… But is he really?"

"I don't know" I tell her "Maybe it's already so far that I can never get it back"

"I think the only way to know that is to start looking for it…" she says, smiling. Funny how children seem to always have simple solutions to hard questions.

I have to smile again… the innocence of that kid is contagious. I know she's not a regular child, she knows things I don't… I didn't meet her by chance. Chance doesn't exist in my world. "Maybe you're right"

She chuckles "Sure I am!" she drops my hand, and starts to walk away "I have to go now…"

"Wait!" I call out "I don't even know your name!"

She spins around, and looks at me with a smirk on her lips, brushing a strand of long dark hair away from her face. "There are some things you need to figure out by yourself"

Figured… Of course. I look down for a second, and when I raise my eyes again, she's gone.

I sigh, and head for the room. There are things I need to figure out.

TBC

o o o o o o o

I know!! I'm the meanest person on this planet!!

Please, review… I'm a little insecure about that part of the story, tell me if it's okay!!


	17. Chapter 17

**Note:** I'm working like a slave for you, folks, I hope you appreciate it…

Okay, just kidding, I'm enjoying myself a lot right now!! Lol

On with the story…

o o o o o o o

_I'm walking down a street somewhere in L.A… I don't know which one exactly, but I don't care, really. The sun is shining, caressing my skin, and I bask in its warmth for a while…_

_He joins me only after a few seconds, handing me my ice cream before kissing my lightly on the lips. "Here" he says "Strawberry, lemon… just like you asked, ma'am"_

_I chuckle "Thank you, kind sir" I reply, smiling at him. I like those moments… They are rare, our lives are too complicated, too hard, we don't have the time to enjoy the gifts we've been given. I guess it's part of the price we had to pay… _

_But at least, we have a life to live, together, and that's more than what we had only a few years ago. _

_He puts an arm around my waist, resting one hand on my stomach, and we start walking together. I don't know where we're going… who cares… _

_Soon, the sun is setting, and we're standing together on a beach, watching the ocean… listening to the waves' soft whispers as they come dying on our feet. Everything around us seems… silent. Quiet. Peaceful… it's a nice change. I want to stay here forever… his arms come around my body, and I hold him tightly, never wanting to let go… _

"_Just a little patience, my love…" he whispers in my ear._

_I sigh, and tighten my embrace. I'm tired of waiting, tired of going through those trials, those battles… I want to live. I've waited for so long, lost hope more than once, died twice, what else do I have to prove? And him… he had it rougher than me. We deserve a bit of peace, finally._

_But a part of me knows we won't have it. We're champions, tied to the world and its fate by duty and destiny. _

_We lost so much… and it's never over. It goes on, again and again, the curse of our life cutting through the little bits happiness and comfort we somehow managed to find, taking loved ones away from us…_

_When will I finally get my happy ever after?_

"_Just wait" he tells me softly, as he nuzzles my hair. I sigh and lean back into his chest._

_I tilt my head a little, so that I can see his eyes._

_He's right… what else could I possibly do anyway? It's what my whole life is made of. Waiting. For what, I don't know, but waiting anyway._

_I take my decision when I see the hope and love written on his face. I rise on my tiptoes, and kiss him softly, revelling in the intimacy we can share here._

"_I will" I say._

I wake up with a start. My head hurts a little, I suppose I should have expected it… I feel somebody's eyes on me, and it takes me a little while to get my bearings and realize where I am.

In Angel's hospital room. An Angel who doesn't remember me… or anything, for that matter. An Angel that I found fast asleep when I went back into the room yesterday evening, a few hours ago…

I look at the time on my cell phone. Wow… seven hours ago. I can't believe I slept that long, and in a chair. My backside is suffering a little, not to mention my spine. Slayer strength is a great thing, really, but it doesn't help in that kind of situation… if I fall asleep in a bad position, I end up aching all over, just like the rest of humanity. You'd think that, at least, the Powers would make it so we don't have to worry about everyday classic problems, but no, where would be the fun?

But I'm getting sidetracked here.

I clear my throat, and finally raise my face to look at him. I gasp a little… he's watching me intently, a strange expression on his face. I couldn't describe it, or interpret what it means… it's just… strange. Kind of puzzled I guess, with a side of curiosity, a side of wonder, and a huge part of 'who the hell is that'.

"Hey" I manage to croak.

He smiles at me, and my heart melts. He smiles… God, I'm hopeless.

"Hey" he says back. "I didn't want to wake you up, you seemed to have a nice dream"

His voice seems almost normal, I guess he's been awake for a while. The heart monitor is unplugged… I can't believe I say that, but it makes me kind of sad. I had gotten used to it. Now, everything is silent.

"How do you feel?" I ask, before chastising myself. Stupid question, Buffy, he just wakes up from a week long coma. Maybe even longer than that.

He shrugs, and winces at the effort. "Fine, I guess… for someone who only remembers his own name because the doctor told him what it was" He chuckles a little, but I can hear what he's trying to hide. Fear, worry, and a bit of sadness.

I want to take his hand, but I don't dare. I don't want to see him flinch at my touch, I wouldn't stand it.

The name the doctor told him… god, it's not even his real name. It's a name he and I chose three days ago. A name we created, along with the rest of the life he thinks he has now.

"What… what did the doctor tell you?" I need to know, if I don't want to make a mistake.

He shrugs again. "My name's Angel Callahan, strange name by the way, I'm 27, born in California from Irish parents… no siblings, no family left, except for the girl who's visiting me everyday, and who I guess is you" he says.

God… More than the half of that is a lie. I want to tell him everything, who he is, who he used to be, the good he's done… but I can't.

And besides, would he really want to remember? I think about that only now, I can't believe it never occurred to me before. I know he would want to remember his friends, his son, me… but he can't remember those things without recalling what he used to be. A soulless demon who committed the worst crimes this earth has ever seen… without recalling the centuries he spent in Hell, courtesy of Summers&co, the pain of the loss of his friends, the guilt…

Given the choice, would Angel want to remember that?

I open my mouth to try and find something to say when a cheery voice rungs up in my ears. "Hey, looks like Sleeping Beauty finally came back to the land of the conscious!" Faith says as she enters the room, holding two steamy cups of what I hope, please let it be, is coffee. She hands me one, and I look at her gratefully. It is coffee. Sometimes, I love that girl.

And did I just think that?

Never mind.

Angel chuckles. "I wish I could have some… but I doubt the doctor would approve it"

Faith nods enthusiastically "Sorry Angie, no coffee for you… Coma is a pain, and believe me I know that, but I don't want to be responsible for any kind of sickness. B over there would have my head."

I just glare at her.

"I gather you two have been talking before?" I ask her, trying not to sound angry, or to show any kind of petty jealousy I might be feeling.

She raises an eyebrow at me. "You were sleeping like the dead… the poor guy needed some conversation" she says with a saucy smile.

I shake my head. "Sorry… I'll be better once I drink that coffee. And see a mirror."

She smirks at me "Yeah, well, that sure wouldn't be a bad idea"

I instinctively bring up a hand to touch my hair at her words, looking for the cat that probably nestled there.

"Don't listen to her, you're beautiful" a soft voice whispers. Angel's voice.

I stop breathing for a second, and look at him. He's staring at me, that half-grin I love so much plastered on his face. Just that tiny compliment made my legs wobble. Good thing I'm sitting down.

I hear Faith sigh loudly, and mutter under her breath "Here we go again…" But when I look at her, I catch a glimpse of the huge smile she's trying to hide.

Angel looks down, probably surprised by his own words.

"Uh… thank you" I say. "So, what have you two been talking about?" I ask, changing the topic, and trying to sound cheerful.

We start making small talk, about everything and nothing, weather, hockey, cars, food, hobbies… we all laugh, Fait and I sometimes exchange meaningful looks when something brings up the secret we're hiding, but apart from that, the conversation is pretty entertaining.

Nurses come and go… One of them finally opens the blinds, and I have a hard time getting past the lump in throat when I see Angel bathed in sunlight for the first real time in my life.

We have lunch, talk again, and when finally our newly human ex-vampire starts showing signs of tiredness, we leave the room to let him sleep.

We both head down for the cafeteria, never talking until we're sitting at a table with coffee, chocolate, and juice.

"Do you think he'll remember?" she asks.

I look down at my cup. "I don't know… and I don't know if I want him to"

She nods. "Yeah…well, we'll see as it goes, I guess"

I don't reply. I don't know what I want… the Angel I just left was cheerful, talkative, and smiling. I'm not sure he'll stay that way if his whole life comes back to him. I remember how it feels, to have all those memories coming back to you in a rush. To lose the bliss of not knowing, see it slip through your fingers… I don't know how he'd react to his.

"You know that he still has enemies, right?" she asks "we didn't get rid of them… they were just the beginning… he's not really popular"

"Yeah… I know. I was planning on researching, calling Giles, Willow, or I don't know… the problem is, we don't even have any hint, nowhere to start looking"

"I'll stay here until we figure it out. And until it's over"

I look at her. There's a decided expression on her face. "Will you?" I ask.

She nods. "I owe him, ya know? Big time… So, I'll do anything necessary"

I smile at her "Thank you"

She grins back at me "I don't really do it for you, actually…"

"Yeah… figured as much" I say, chuckling and shaking my head. It feels good, to be able to joke with her again. I guess time really does close the wounds. Most of them, anyway… some are too raw and deep to ever really scar. But as far as Faith is concerned, I think we forgave each other. I still don't like her, of course. At all…

Yeah, sure… I would roll my eyes, if I was alone.

"So?" she asks "What do we do now?"

I shrug "Dunno… maybe I should start with calling Will, and…"

A smiling voice makes us both jerk our head up. "Calling who?"

It takes me a second to react, but when my brain registers the identity of the person who just spoke, I get up from my chair in a heartbeat, smiling like an idiot, as I hug the newcomer. She did say she would come, after all.

"Will!" I say as I hold her.

"Somebody apparently needed me…" she says, hugging me back.

"Oh yeah, definitely…" I tell her. She's the best, coming all the way here. We both sit down at the table again.

Faith waves at her, a small smile on her lips "Red…"

Willow gives her a bright grin. "Faith…"

And they say nothing more. Well, they were never the closest of friends… at least, they're civil. Looks like saving the world together, and sharing a murderous past erases the bad feelings…

And I can't believe I just thought that. 'Willow' and 'murderous past' in the same sentence sounds weird. And yet… it's only the truth.

But it doesn't mean I love her any less.

She puts her heavy bag down on the floor, and brushes a strand of red hair away from her face. "So?" she says "Care to fill me in?"

Faith and I exchange a glance. This is gonna be funny…

"Well… it's kinda complicated" I start "you see…"

And the further I get into my explanation, the higher her eyebrows raise. When I finally finish, she stares at me for a second, then nods slowly.

"Wow…" she utters "Well, I guess we have a lot of work to do"

I wouldn't have said it better myself.

TBC

o o o o o o o

Next one coming soon!!


	18. Chapter 18

**Note:** I had to use the most unimaginable stratagems to manage to sneak out of the house and post this one… my family is probably gonna drive me insane before I write the end of that story. The thing about leaving your folks to become independent… when you go back there for the holidays, you wonder how on earth you managed to bear with that bunch of freaks for nineteen years. Nineteen freaking years!! Lol

But I love them anyway… go figure…

Anyway, I hope you'll like that chapter!! It might take longer from now on for me to update, but I'm still writing, so, don't worry… I have it all planned and almost ready until chapter 26, and after that, it's still a little vague… but I won't let you down!!;)

**Buffy's POV**

o o o o o o o

The week following Angel's awakening seems to last only a heartbeat. I stay there day in and day out, watching over him while he sleeps, and talking to him during the day… it's a whole new thing for me, spending my days with Angel. Joking about hospital food, watching stupid TV shows… He doesn't remember me, who I am, what we had, but somehow I feel closer to him than I've been for years. Not in terms of a relationship, but of him as a person… He's more… open. Every time I hear his laughter, I feel tears coming to my eyes…

And I fear what will happen when everything comes back to him.

Faith is here almost every afternoon, but she leaves after a few hours. I think she enjoys having some time to herself… She calls her Slayers in San Francisco every two days, which kind of amazes me. Where is the Faith I used to know? The one who fled responsibilities like the plague? I guess she grew up…

Willow joins us every day too. I think Angel took a particular liking to her… with her babbling and permanent good mood, she's hard to dislike, to tell the truth. She introduces him to cookies on her second day here, and what is it with her and cookies, by the way? She insists on feeding us chocolate-y things, it must be some kind of misplaced maternal instinct kicking in after the weeks she spent with some of the youngest new slayers a few months ago… Not that I complain, but at this rate, I'm gonna turn into a whale before my 26th birthday.

Angel still doesn't remember anything. His memory, at least concerning personal stuff, is a gigantic black hole… Sometimes, when he wakes up, in that short moment between sleep and complete awareness, I could swear I see a flicker of recognition light up his eyes, and for a fleeting second, I hope… but it disappears as fast as it came, as he smiles a good morning at me.

He asks a few times who we are, what's our place in his life… we just say we're his friends. I try not to meet his eyes every time I have to reply that, because I don't want him to see on my face how much the words are hurting my own throat when they come out. Angel and I are not friends… never were, never will be. No, what we are, I don't think there's a word for it. Willow told me once that there are dozens of them, but I still think words are just too small. In my opinion, anyway.

I'm now waiting for Lisa to hand me the papers I have to sign. It's his last day here; Doctor Perkins told me yesterday that he was going to be released… They have no medical reason to keep him, but I had to promise I would bring him here every day for general check up. Faith left earlier, to book a hotel room next to the ones she and Willow are staying in. I'm gonna have to share with one of them, but I don't care, I don't think I could handle being completely alone now anyway, after having spent a whole week surrounded by people. I like my peace, but sometimes, loneliness is hard to bear.

I can't believe the situation we're in now. Three weeks or so ago, I was in Bali, hearing a strange old woman talk to me about bacherts, soulmates, hope, and I got a bracelet there… then I left for England, spent five days in a mystical coma, met a Whisper, left for L.A, got stabbed, which got me two more days unconscious, realized the guy in my hospital room I had been dreaming of choking for something like twelve hours was, in fact, the guy I was looking for in the first place. Oh, and, after that, my hotel room blew up, and I broke said bracelet… All of this while I was trying to find a way to bring the love of my life back, and all along, I had no idea what I was doing.

Really, my life is some sort of bad soap opera, one Spike would have loved to see on TV, I'm sure. Maybe even more than Passions.

But unfortunately, it's my reality.

"Ready?" a voice says behind me. I turn around and find Willow smiling at me.

"Well… yeah, I guess" I shrug. What could I possibly be worried about?

Well, actually…

Should I start the list now?

She sighs. A sigh of the bad kind… of the 'I know you're lying' kind.

I open my eyes wide, surrendering, and raise my hands in the air. "Okay, okay, I'm not. Ready, that is… I mean, we're going out of the hospital, which, personally, I'm all too happy about, but…" I stop there, trying to find the right words.

"But?"

"But what are we gonna do, once in the outside world?" I say "What if keeping him here is the only way to protect him?"

"Buffy…"

That's not the only real problem, and I know it. I take a deep breath. "What if once we're in the real world, he realizes he doesn't need me?" I ask in a tiny voice.

Willow doesn't answer, she just stares at me for a second or two… and then a slow smile spreads on her lips. "I really don't think you should worry about that"

I look at her hopefully "You think?"

Her smile widens, and she squeezes my arm. "First of all, he'll be in a room between the two oldest Slayers in the world" she says. I cringe at the word 'oldest'… but that's only the truth, whether I like it or not. I'm trying to find another word to describe what Faith and I are, and I'm so engrossed in my thoughts that I don't catch immediately my best friend's next words. "And then… ever noticed the way he looks at you?" she asks me.

There's a beat when her voice finally reaches the part of my brain that's still working properly, and I just look at her, my mouth slightly open. She chuckles, shaking her head. "You weren't that oblivious when we were in high school… what on earth happened?" she tells me with a grin "And close your mouth, you're gonna catch flies"

I start to chuckle too, at my own ridiculousness. "You think?"

She lets out a dramatic sigh, rolling her eyes. "Quit asking me if I think, and see for yourself!"

Just at that moment, Lisa comes out of the room a few feet behind the counter with a blue sheet, handing it to the secretary. She smiles at me, and walks closer. "So… ready to go and take my very favourite patient away?"

I nod enthusiastically. "Oh, yeah… I don't trust you lot with my amnesic boyfriend… too easy to take advantage of."

I did say 'boyfriend'. I can't believe I just said that… I didn't, did I?

Well, if Willow's slight snort is any indication, I did very much say it.

Lisa just smiles, and puts a hand on my shoulder. "Don't worry…" she says, looking at me in the eyes "I'm sure everything's gonna turn out okay in the end".

I smile back, but I'm not really convinced of that fact. "Yeah… I hope so…"

She squeezes my shoulder one last time, and takes a step back. "Sorry, but, gotta go… my other patients are gonna think I neglect them" she tells us, joking.

We both wave a hand at her, and I quickly sign the release papers. Angel is being released to me… it's kinda strange. It makes me feel like… he's mine, somehow.

I sigh out loud at that thought. God, how I wish he was.

o o o o o o o

Soon, Willow leaves, deciding to wait for us outside of the hospital in the car she had the good idea to rent. I take a deep breath and head for Angel's room.

I knock, and, hearing no response, open he door tentatively. "Angel?" I call out.

"Yeah… You can come in"

I step inside, and look around the brightly sunlit room. He's not in his bed, which has become a very common occurrence these last few days… He was getting antsy, and we spent our afternoons wandering around the hospital, me trying to control the wobbling in my knees every time he so much as smiled at me, him trying to get his own knees to work properly. Even if a week or so in a coma is not that long, he's still kind of weak.

Well, seeing that he has actually spent the last two years in a place somewhere between our dimension and Hell, it's not that surprising. But unfortunately, that's something I really can't explain to him.

When I finally spot him, stepping out of the bathroom, my breath catches in my throat. He's standing there shirtless, holding a piece of what I think is silk in his hands, and staring at it with a puzzled look on his face.

It's not the first time in my life I see him without a shirt. Really. But, I don't know, I feel like I'm invading his intimacy, or something… but no one and nothing will make me go out of this room. I just stare at him, resisting the urge to wet my suddenly very dry lips…

What is it with me? I'm becoming Horny, the vampire Slayer…

It's all that man's fault.

He finally raises his eyes to look at me, and blushes a little. I shake myself out of my daydream, and somehow manage to open my mouth and utter a coherent word. "Hey…"

Okay, it's not a word. But at least, I tried.

He grimaces apologetically, gesturing at his bare chest. "Sorry… it's just… that shirt is so torn I have trouble finding the sleeves."

No offence of any kind, seriously.

But I don't say it, and instead, thank the Heavens, and especially Willow, for suggesting me the idea of going shopping for him.

I grab the bag I just dropped at my feet, and take the grey sweater I bought for him out of it. I walk closer to him, and hand him the piece of cotton… before taking two quick steps back. I don't really trust myself with a half-naked Angel right now, and the last thing I want is to embarrass him, or myself.

He smiles gratefully at me. "Thanks…" he says.

I just shrug, and turn around to find a chair to sit in while he puts the sweater over his head. "It fits perfectly" he tells me, slightly amazed, once he looks at himself in the mirror.

The mirror. Another amazing thing I can't get enough of. Angel in a mirror. Angel reflecting in a window, next to me…

I chuckle at the expression on his face. Perfect fit… well, I had a lot of time, a few years ago, to study his chest and shoulders… and his wardrobe. And… never mind.

"So… ready to go?" I ask him, fidgeting in my seat.

He shrugs, putting his shoes on. "I guess… anything's better than staying here, anyway…"

I couldn't agree more. But we do have to come back tomorrow…

"Besides" he adds with a smile, "I'm leaving the hospital with three gorgeous women who swear they're my friends… I'm in every guy's version of Heaven…"

I have to laugh at that, even if a big part of me is stinging with jealousy. He did include Will and Faith in the 'gorgeous' category…

And what on earth is wrong with me? I'm getting worked up about things my friends didn't even do.

"Yeah, well, wait until you've spent two days with us… you'll probably change your mind"

He grins again, and shrugs "I've just spent the whole week with you, days and nights, and you're still not tiring me…"

He's talking about me. Not the three of us, just me… my heart sings so loud that I don't hear his next words.

"Sorry?" I ask, snapping out of my thoughts.

He gives me a curious look. "I said we can go now, if you're ready…"

I immediately stand up. "Ready as ever!"

We fall into step side by side, and he holds the door open for me as we finally get out of that bedroom.

We don't really talk on our way out. But it's not an awkward silence… I guess we're just both lost in our own thoughts.

When we reach the hospital main door, nothing but a bay window separating us from the sunlit street, he stops walking abruptly. I stop next to him too, and raise my face to look at him. I watch as he takes a deep breath… I guess that whole situation must be kind of scary for him, after all. The hospital was like some sort haven, a little world on its own… now, we have to face the real world, and despite the fact that he keeps saying he's ready, I know it must be hard.

But before I have the time to say anything, the words are getting stuck in my throat when I feel his hand tentatively slip into mine. I gasp slightly at the unexpected contact, but react immediately, squeezing as he laces our fingers together.

If I had a say in this, I would stay like this forever, and never let go.

He looks down at me, and gives me a shaky smile.

I can't resist. I try, but I can't help it. I rise on my tiptoes, and drop a kiss on his cheek, before taking the first step and walking through the door, chuckling to myself.

The expression on his face… he's so shocked that he doesn't realize we're out until the sun hits his head, making him close his eyes. He grins again, and for a second, I have this overwhelming urge to jump in his arms right here and now, and kiss him senseless.

But thankfully, Willow's car pulls in beside us. "I was starting to wonder what you were doing" she says, smiling, through the open window.

I just shake my head, and climb in the car, still holding onto Angel's hand. We both sit on the backseat, there's no way I'm letting go of him.

I catch a glimpse of Willow giving me a knowing smile in the rear-view mirror.

"Ready to discover your life?" she asks Angel with a grin.

He squeezes my hand, and grins back at her. "Well… I guess we're gonna figure that out"

TBC

o o o o o o o

Wow… took ma a while. I know this is a rather pointless chapter, but don't worry, there's still a lot of action to come!!

I wanted to write more, but I literally fell asleep on my keyboard. I promise. I'll try to update soon!!


	19. Chapter 19

**Note:** Back in action!!! Hope you'll like it!

o o o o o o o

**Angel's POV **

I've been awake for a week now. It's strange… I don't remember anything personal, any kind of life I might have had before my coma, any people… nothing. I remember the world, history with amazing details, maths, all sorts of things, but as far as my own past is concerned, I feel like everything's hidden behind a thick veil I can't seem to be able to lift.

The girls are really nice to me, each in her own way… Faith is that cool, sexy woman who seems to be the kind of person who enjoys life no matter what it costs. I know she has a secret, a secret all three of them share, but she's probably the one who's the best at hiding it.

Willow is adorable, chatty and open… she has the brightest and sweetest smile I've ever seen, of the kind that can light up a whole room, and she often makes me laugh with her babble fests…

And then there's Buffy. She… she's kind of a mystery, to me. She was the first one of them I met, the one who spent the whole week with me in the hospital, the one I… I don't know. Sometimes, she looks at me with a look so sad in her beautiful eyes that for some reason, it makes me want to take her in my arms and kiss her sorrows away. And sometimes, I feel like she wants to do the same to me… it might seem weird, but I get that feeling… I don't know. I don't really know what to think, where Buffy is concerned. And when I ask who she is, she keeps saying she's my friend… every time she says that, I try to meet her eyes, I want to see if she tells the truth… maybe because I want it so much to be a lie.

And when she laughs, I can't help but stop and stare, mesmerized by all the colors it brings to her eyes, and her face… I could look at her for hours on end and never get enough of the sight of her.

But there's no way I'm telling her that. Maybe it's just a consequence of the amnesia, and the fact that she's always with me that makes me think that way… Maybe it's nothing but a strong feeling of friendship that I'm mistaking for something more.

We just got out of the car, and we're now opening the door of the room Willow and Faith chose for me. I can still feel Buffy's hand in mine, she hasn't for one second let go of it ever since I took it before walking out of the hospital. I was really stressed out, it was a huge step for me, leaving that place and facing the world… but the minute her fingers laced with mine, everything felt suddenly right. I was at peace, and ready to do anything.

We step inside, and Willow immediately opens the blinds, showing me around… I want to tell her I'm sure I'll manage to find my way in a hotel bedroom, but she seems so enthusiastic that I just smile and listen, nodding once in a while to show that I understand. Faith just looks at her with a grin on her face, and tells her after five minutes that maybe it's time to leave me alone. They both head out, but Buffy stays with me.

I try not to flinch when she drops my hand to show me the clothes she bought for me. She thought about everything, really… she smiles, babbling about sizes, colors and styles, but I don't really listen. I just look at her as she paces around the room…

"Well… I think that's it" she says after a while, fidgeting a little "I'm gonna leave you alone now, and… if you need anything, I'll be in one of the girls' room"

She grabs her purse on the bed "Your room is situated just between theirs… Will on your right, Faith on your left…"

She turns around and starts to walk away before I even have the time to say anything. "Buffy… wait!" I don't know why I tell her to wait, it's a mystery, really…

She looks at me expectantly, but I can't find anything to say. I walk closer to her, trying to find words, anything to make her stay longer… "Thank you" I finally say "For everything you did… all three of you"

She smiles at me, and brings a hand to my cheek. "You don't need to thank me…" she says softly. She lets her palm linger a short moment, and then leaves the room without looking back.

I let out a sigh, and avert my eyes from the door, walking towards the bed. I lay down on it, on my back, and stare at the ceiling… I wish I knew who I was. And above everything else, I wish I knew who she was for me.

o o o o o o o

**Buffy's POV**

I had to leave Angel's room. One more minute, and I don't know what I would have done… Having him so near, touching him, talking to him… I would probably have ended up breaking down, the thought of everything we could have now if only he was totally himself getting the best of me. He's human, breathing, living, everything we've dreamed about for so long… we could have it now, the life, the happy ending, all the things we've been denied of ever since we met.

But of course, somebody up there probably decided that it wouldn't be fun. Decided we had to get through more trials, more pain, more heartbreak, and made that damn piece of jewelry fall to pieces. The bracelet… Willow keeps telling me that maybe it was meant to be this way, I had to break it to make him wake up, to get him back. A part of me knows she's right, the bracelet was supposed to be indestructible and stuck on my wrist… it broke for a reason. Why that particular moment, I don't know. But I can't help thinking that maybe, given more time, we could have found another way, a way to make him come back to me with his memories.

Always the optimist, Will says that he will probably get them back at some point… that there has to be a way, something we can do… Faith doesn't say anything, and just supports us all. I think she's just glad he's alive and well. I wish I could think that way.

I take a minute in the hall to try and even my breath, and get my heartbeat to slow down a little. As I've said before, the proximity of that man doesn't do wonders for my physical health… Well, actually, I could think of a way or two to use that proximity as a mean to cure that little problem, but seeing as he doesn't even remember me, I don't think those ways are really conceivable.

I shake my head at that thought, and start to walk towards Willow's room. I'm probably going to share with her, unless she doesn't want me… but since she took a room with two beds, I think I'm welcome.

She opens the door before I even have the time to knock. Nice timing, Will…

"Come in" she says, smiling.

I enter the room… and literally collapse on the closest bed. She chuckles when I put a pillow over my face. "Hard day?" she asks. I just nod.

She comes to sit next to me, and we both remain silent for a minute. I finally let out a sigh, and throw the pillow away from the bed. "I don't think I can do this Will…" I tell her, trying to control my voice.

She raises an eyebrow at me, prompting me to go on.

"He… he doesn't… I don't know how to cope with this. It hurts, because I love him so much, but in the meantime, I feel selfish for wanting him to get his memory back" I say in one breath, holding back my tears "I know I should just want him to be happy, but there's that big part of me that doesn't care about how much it can hurt him, as long as I can have him back."

There. I said it.

She takes my hand. "It's not selfish, Buffy" she tells me softly "it's human".

I just look at her.

"And besides… he's gonna have to remember, at some point" she says.

I frown. "Why?"

"Well, maybe because there are some things we need to know if we want to get rid of the demons who want him dead."

God, I can't believe I had forgotten about them. The danger was always present in my mind, but my priority was Angel and his lack of memory. Never once did I realize that we needed his memories to try and discover who the hell wanted him to stay in dusty state.

I sigh. I think I've had more than enough of that situation… it's taking its toll on me. I wish I had all the answers, I wish it was over, and Angel was here with me… I wish…

The door opening interrupts my list of wishes. Faith storms into the room, and flops on a chair near the bed we're sitting on.

"So… what do we do now?" she asks "not that I don't like the amnesic Angie, but, you know… I'd like some action."

Will and I both shake our head.

"I don't know, Faith" she finally says "I guess we have to give him time"

Faith gives her a dubious look. "Time is kinda what we don't have, right now… I doubt those guys are gonna nicely wait for us to find a way to handle the situation"

"I don't think they know he's alive…" I tell them.

My sister Slayer snorts. "Not yet…" she says "but it's just a matter of time now"

Great… Way to make me feel better, Faith. As if I wasn't already worried sick.

Willow stands up, and starts to pace around the room. "Maybe… maybe I know a way to bring his memories back"

Faith and I both jerk our head up. Something tells me that I'm not gonna like her idea… but Faith reacts sooner than I do. "Oh…" she says "And… what would that be, and why didn't you mention that before?"

Will sighs, and sits back down on the bed. "We could use magic…"

Before I realize what I'm doing, I'm on my feet. "No way!" I shout "No way are we doing this to him!"

I remember all too well what it feels like, the pain of remembering everything all at once… and if it was hard for me, I can't imagine how it would be for Angel, with his two hundred plus years worth of really, really bad memories.

Willow lowers her eyes. "It wouldn't be like it was for you" she says softly "I would be careful, and use-…"

"No… and I won't change my mind" I tell her, more harshly than I should have.

Faith just looks at us, an interested expression on her face… but she doesn't ask questions.

I sigh. "I'm sorry, Will… I don't mean to be angry at you, or anything… and I know you have more power now" I tell her "but it's just… no. If he's meant to get his memory back, he will. But I refuse to do this to him"

She just nods, and gives me a small smile. "It's okay… I can understand"

I don't reply, and we just all sit there as the sun sets behind the window, lost in our own thoughts, until Faith stands up and says she needs to go out for a while. She tells us not to worry, we nod, and five minutes after she's gone, Willow falls asleep on her bed.

I stay in the dark for a while, maybe an hour I don't know, thinking about everything I wish I had, and then decide to check on Angel before going to bed. I guess I've gotten used to watching as he fell asleep, and being there when he woke up.

But when I stand in front of his door, I'm not so sure anymore… we're in a hotel, not in the hospital, and maybe he'd appreciate some privacy… I'm about to walk away when the door opens, revealing a still fully dressed Angel.

"Hey…" he says, apparently surprised to find me here "I thought I heard some noise"

Busted, Buff… nice job, really.

"I… uh… I just wanted to…" And I can't even form a sentence. Great…

He just smiles, and gestures for me to come in. "It's okay" he tells me "I wasn't asleep anyway…"

I sit down on the chair next to his bed, some habits die hard, and watch as he shuffles through the clothes in the closet.

I'm about to tell him I can leave him alone if he wants me to, but before I can open my mouth, he stops, and turns around to look at me.

"I'm sorry…" he says after a few seconds.

I frown, I don't understand… Sorry for what? But then again, it's Angel. I'm sure if he tries hard enough, he could find a reason to feel guilty for World War Two, and global warming.

He sighs, and goes on. "I'm sorry for not remembering… I know it must be hard, and… I'm sorry" he finishes, looking down.

I didn't think my heart could hurt more, but apparently, I was wrong. I swallow back the tears that are threatening to fill my eyes, and stand up. "Don't be…" I say "It's not your fault" No, it's not. It's mine. I take his hand, and our gazes lock for a second.

He squeezes my fingers, and before I have the time to convince myself it's not a good idea, I take a step forward and hug him. I sigh in relief as he holds me back, feeling suddenly like everything is going to be okay in the end, nothing can go wrong ever again, because he's here, alive, with me… After two years thinking he was dead, it's a huge improvement.

We stay like this for a few minutes, not talking, and I feel so comfy here that I could probably fall asleep. I stifle a yawn, and he chuckles. "Feeling sleepy?" he asks. I just nod in response.

"Well… maybe you should leave, then…" he says. But I can see in his eyes that he doesn't really want me to… Or is it just wishful thinking? Maybe. But since I don't want to go either…

"Can I… can I stay here for a while?" I ask tentatively. He stares at me for a second "Sure" he says "You can rest on the bed, and I'll…"

I shake my head. "No… I mean, it's gonna sound stupid, but… I guess I've gotten used to being with you twenty four seven" I say with a sheepish smile "Maybe we can… both lie down on the bed, and once you're asleep, I'll go back to my room". I hope he can't see the color of my cheeks… red doesn't go very well with my complexion.

He gives me a weird look "you don't need to baby-sit me, you know?" he tells me.

I sigh. "It's not that…"

He smiles. "It's okay, I understand"

I yawn again as I lead him to he bed. I don't know why I'm doing this, I know it's a bad idea, and I shouldn't… But I guess I need it.

I let go of his hand as we lie down, trying to stay as far from him as the queen-sized bed allows. He switches the light off, and kicks off his shoes. "Good night, Buffy…" he says.

But I'm already almost asleep. "Night…" I tell him.

And as I fall into slumber, I can swear I feel his hand brush a strand of hair away from my face.

TBC

o o o o o o o

Okay... I'm not really sure about the end of this one. Didn't it feel strange, the whole hugging and sleeping on the same bed thing? I don't know, really... I rewrote it an impressive amount of times, but I couldn't find any other way to say it!

Anyway, action to come in the next chapter, that I'll probably post today!!!;)


	20. Chapter 20

**Note:** Woo hoo, look at that, two chapters in one day!! Don't get used to it… lol

Thank you so much to all of you who reviewed, or added me to their favorite or alert list!! I'm sorry I can't reply to the reviews I get, I really don't have the time with my desperately limited internet access... But it doesn't mean I'm not grateful, and extremely flattered that you all like my story! Thanks!!!!

We start with Faith's POV here, and switch to Buffy's after a while!!

o o o o o o o

**Faith's POV**

I spent the almost the whole night out… I came back to the hotel only a few minutes ago, after hours trying to find something, anything, a hint, a clue… I pummelled a rather impressive number of vamps and demons in countless different demon bars, streets, and cemeteries. With no result. At all. Either those guys are really discreet, or the whole underworld is afraid of them.

I don't want to tell B about what I've been doing these last few nights. She has enough on her mind, I don't want her to insist on coming with me… besides, I'm a loner… I work better when I don't have unwanted company. I wanna know who the son of a bitch who wants Angel dead is, but I don't want Buffy do beat the living shit out the guy before I can have my own fun. Or before we can ask any question.

Well, actually, given what I've witnessed only ten minutes ago, that thought almost makes me laugh to myself. But since I'm not totally insane – yet, I just smirk in the darkness of my room… I really think our little problem is the last thing on her mind right now.

When I came back, I decided to check on the girls… I thought maybe they weren't asleep, or if they were, I wanted to be sure they were okay. We're not exactly in the safest of situations at the moment, and, you never know.

What?

I'm not getting softer… it's just… we all need each other in this.

Anyway, I opened the door, only to find Red snoring on her bed, with her clothes on and just her jacket covering her legs. But Buff was nowhere to be seen.

I panicked a little, thinking she'd gone out on her own. She probably wouldn't last three minutes in a fight these days. I know she's strong and all, but come on, she's not wonder woman… even Slayers need a break once in a while. Even Buffy.

But as I started to think about where she could possibly have gone, the thought occurred to me that there was another room I hadn't checked. I snorted aloud, it was ridiculous… she wouldn't…

And yet.

I walked out of the room, silently closing the door, and tiptoed to the one next to it.

I hesitated before knocking softly… I didn't want to walk in on something I never, ever want to set my eyes on. But since I didn't hear anything, I opened the door slightly, and when I finally saw the bed, I had to smile at the sight…

Buffy and Angel were cuddled together on the comforter, fully clothed, thank you very much, but so entangled that I wonder how they managed to breathe. It was kinda cute, actually… He held her so tightly against his chest, his nose buried in her hair, that you'd think he was afraid she might vanish. But honestly, she didn't seem to mind at all… she looked rather comfy there.

I shook my head, trying not to chuckle despite the urge I felt to just burst out laughing, in order not to be too noisy. So much for being patient and waiting, uh, B? I smiled, and went back to my own room, never waking them up.

I'm glad, really. For them. I hope everything will turn out okay, and they'll finally get their happy ever after… I've been there for a long time now, and believe me, they deserve it more than anyone. They've fought for that world… it's about time the world returns the favour.

I sigh in the oppressing silence of my room. Life isn't exactly known for its fairness… but I hope it will be, for once.

I should sleep now. I have work to do tomorrow evening. I'm gonna find who those guys who want the big guy six feet under are, even if it's the last thing I do.

o o o o o o o

**Buffy's POV**

_I don't know where I am, but I feel… safe. Loved, protected, and cherished… It's been a long while since I've felt that way._

_I open my eyes… I'm in a brightly sunlit park, the same one I was in some time ago, with the pink floyds, and the children._

_I smile, and take a few steps towards where Angel is sitting on the grass, his back turned to me. I try to be silent, I want to surprise him… but as soon as I come within his reach, he turns around abruptly, grabs my legs, and I fall on his lap. I let out a squeal I would be ashamed of with anybody else, but it's forgotten when he starts tickling my sides. Oh, I'm gonna take revenge, buddy… I laugh out loud, like I haven't laughed for a while, and launch my upper body at him. We both fall down on the grass, and the second our eyes meet, all ideas of revenge or tickling are forgotten. I give him a mischievous smile, and he's still grinning at me when our lips meet… god, I could stay like this and never move for the rest of my life. Really… I'm sure the kids can handle themselves, they won't miss us._

_Wait a minute… what kids am I talking about?_

_I want to frown and ask him, but his hand under my shirt on my lower back makes me forget the question I had in mind… bah, who cares…_

_I push the thought away, and go back to what I was doing. Make out session with the love of my life… my very favourite activity, second only to, well… what generally happens when we start a make-out session in a place that's not public and full of innocent minds and eyes. _

_Though, right now, the fact that we're not alone is starting to escape my mind… uh-oh… We really should stop. It takes everything I am to convince myself to start to pull away, but when I finally do, he grabs the back of my head and draws me back down for another kiss, moaning something that probably has a meaning but I don't get it. I rest my forehead on his when breathing becomes an issue._

"_Angel…" I mutter, gasping for air "we should stop now…"_

_He shakes his head slightly "No… Don't go… stay with me this time"_

_Something in his voice triggers that little alarm in my gut. Despair, pain, sadness?_

"_What?"_

_I open my eyes to look at him, and meet two panicked brown eyes. I kiss his brow, and his cheeks before brushing his lips with mine. "I'm not going anywhere…" I tell him. He tightens his embrace around my waist, to the point where it's almost painful, and I jerk my head up, opening my eyes wide…_

_We're not in the park anymore._

_We're back in that fog, that cold place I came to hate… Why are we here again? I thought he was back, it was over… _

_Back from what? _

_I'm confused, I don't know what to think anymore, where's reality and where's the dream, what's my life… Everything is mixed up._

_His hold on me suddenly loosens, which makes me look back down at him… and every thought immediately leaves my mind, to be replaced by fear and panic._

_He's hurt. Battered and bruised, his eyes are closed, and my clothes are stained with his blood, blood he's losing everywhere, his chest, his arms, his neck… and a red trickle down his chin._

_I roll over and kneel beside him, touching him frantically… I want to scream, but no sound will come out of my throat. Hot tears fall down my cheeks as I put my hand on his jugular, trying to find a pulse… he's not breathing, I can't see his chest moving, he can't be, he can't be, he can't be… _

_But he is. Angel is dead. How did that happen, we were kissing only a minute ago?_

_I shale my head and bring to hand to my mouth to prevent myself from throwing up. This is just a dream, only a fucking dream I wish I would wake up from… please, let it be a nightmare. I sit down, staring at his face for what seems to be an eternity… until I see him start to stir._

_Hope bubbles up inside me, but when he sits up, I know that something's wrong. He looks at me with a smirk on his face, his eyes cold and feral… and yellow…_

"_Hello, lover…"_

_This time, I scream. _

_Until I feel something touching my forehead, something that makes the world turn black._

I open my eyes wide, my breathing coming out harsh and shallow, my heartbeat fast; I don't know where I am… I can feel two strong arms hugging me, and for a second, I panic, wondering who the hell is sitting with me on what I'm pretty sure is a bed. But memories come back to me and I immediately calm down. I'm with Angel, in his room, and… in his arms? Now wait a minute…

"Shhh…" His voice caresses my ear, whispering nonsense to try and calm me down. Reality sinks in, and I can finally see and hear properly. We're in the dark, the sun is just starting to rise, slightly lighting up the night blue sky. I'm sitting on Angel's lap, clutching him against me, and he holds me equally as tightly. The collar of his shirt is wet under my cheek, probably a result of my tears.

My breathing finally slows down as he runs his fingers through my hair, and I relax in the safe haven of his arms.

When my body stops shivering, he pulls away a little, and looks at me with a worried look in his eyes. "Are you okay?" he asks "For a while, I thought you were choking…"

I just nod, and swallow harshly to try and get rid of the lump in my throat. "I am… it was just a nightmare."

He runs a hand down my cheek. "Wanna talk about it?"

"No… I mean, yes, but…" I sigh "it's just… hard to put into words, and I don't want to bother you with that"

He gives me a small smile, and my heart melts in a rush of incontrollable tenderness towards him… "You never bother me" he says softly.

He's still holding me against his chest, and I'm not about to complain. If he lets go of me, I'm not sure I'll be able to sit up on my own.

"Thank you…" I manage to tell him "but it's just… stay with me for a while, okay?" I need to reassure myself that he's here, himself, not the soulless demon who made my life a hell back when I was seventeen.

He doesn't even frown at the request, and kisses my forehead before running his hand up and down my arm. "Okay"

God, I love that man. If I didn't know it before, now would be the revelation moment. I love him so much it hurts, and I would give anything to have him really back in my life.

I raise my face to smile at him, and I just intend to kiss him lightly on the cheek…

But when our eyes meet, I know I'm lost.

The way he looks at me, that particular glint in his chocolate orbs… I know it all too well. Funny how even without his memory, he still wants me that way. That's something I couldn't explain, I couldn't even really understand, but I know he wants to do what I'm about to do as badly as I do. I can feel the pull of his soul, tugging at mine to draw it closer… the residual fear of my nightmare is still here, and it makes that moment all the more intense…

I can see his eyes move from my own to my mouth, and before I know what happens, his lips are brushing mine in the most achingly tender of touches. I try not to push to hard, I know I shouldn't do this, but I can't help it, it's like trying to stop thinking, or stop breathing… everything happens in slow motions, his hand squeezing my waist a little bit harder, his fingers grabbing fistfuls of my hair… my own arms coming around his neck… My eyes close, and the world around really disappears, nothing but me and Angel in our little bubble…

I press my lips against his more forcefully, and draw his chest closer to mine. He responds in kind, and soon, we're kissing like mad, passionately, desperately, I can feel the tears running down my cheeks at the sensations he awakes in me… the last time I kissed him seems so far in the past, too far, I need this… I don't care if he doesn't remember me, he can stay this way forever, as long as he loves me it will be more than enough.

Does he love me? I don't know. But right now… I don't care. I'll wonder later.

His tongue traces my bottom lip, and I let him in, needing to feel him everywhere I can…

I feel slightly dizzy, my head spins, and I'm used to it… kissing Angel always was quite the experience.

But something's different here… a sort of… nausea? What on earth…

I open my eyes, my lips still locked with his, and a part of my mind registers that the world does indeed spin. It's not a natural reaction…

And before I know it, I feel the ground under my feet. I'm still kissing Angel, but I feel… different. His lips are colder, and… wait a second? Colder? I know that sensation.

I pull away slightly, but keep my arms around his neck… I'm not quite ready to let go right now.

But when I finally get a glimpse of my surroundings, I gasp.

I'm in Sunnydale. My bedroom… and Angel is… a vampire?

He looks around. "What the Hell…" he stops abruptly, and his eyes have a far away look in them. He looks back at me. "This is… where I kissed you for the first time"

I frown, and look down at my clothes, and room. He's right.

And the implication of what he just said sinks in. He remembers. "You… you remember?" I ask.

He nods, and closes his eyes, apparently deep in thoughts. "I was waiting for you, and… somebody entered the room. I had to hide in the closet, and you thought I'd read your diary…"

I open my eyes wide. I don't understand what happens, how we ended up here, but I really couldn't care less. He remembers!

I'm about to smile and hug him when the room disappears, and we're in a dark back alley… somebody screams, runs toward us, but we can't move… we watch as a young woman, probably even a teenager, dressed in a rich eighteenth century dress, slips on the filthy ground… a tall and dark form grabs her shoulders, lifting her up, to put its teeth into her neck.

I try with everything I am to move and save her life, but I'm paralyzed… I can only look. I can't even turn my head to see Angel's face.

Tears come to my eyes as the girl dies in front of us… but something in the vampire's posture… his shape…

He lifts his face, and I let out a strangled gasp.

Angelus.

I hear Angel take a sharp breath beside me, and the world starts to spin again.

In a matter of seconds, I'm back on his lap, in his room, and his lips roughly pull away from mine.

We're both breathing harshly, still a little dizzy, but he practically jumps away from me, making me lose my balance and fall back on the bed. He looks around, a wild look in his eyes, and takes a few steps toward the door…

"I… uh… I have to go" he utters. And before I can move an inch, he's stormed out of the room.

I stay on his bed for long minutes, staring at the door he just ran through.

What the hell just happened? Were those flashes his… memories?

When it finally dawns on me, I feel my throat tighten under the weight of the sobs I'm holding back.

Oh god…

Willow was right. There's a way for him to get his memory back…

And if I understood correctly what we just lived, that way might very well be me.

But what if he doesn't want to remember? How do I fit in that possibility?

I want to stand up on my feet and follow him, but I my body doesn't obey me. The sun is up, he probably isn't really in danger… I doubt he'll go very far, anyway, and I think I can hear Faith open her door and walk in the hall. She probably heard him leave, I hope she goes after him…

I just curl up on the bed, and grab his pillow… when will the powers finally give me a break?

I would snort if I wasn't so lost. The answer to that question is easy…

Never.

TBC

o o o o o o o

Yes, indeed, when will I give them a break…

-laughs evilly-

One of these days, probably… maybe… who knows? Lol ;)


	21. Chapter 21

**Note:** Thanks again to all of the reviewers !! You kinda made my day, you know?

I hope you'll like this one!!

o o o o o o o

**Willow's POV**

I never saw it coming. I should have… maybe I could have found a way to prevent it. But in the pages and pages of information I found about Bacherts, and the whole Whisper thing, nothing like that was mentioned. I suppose it's because each case is unique, and this particular situation has never been witnessed before… Waking up from a coma with amnesia, and remembering your past when in close contact with your soulmate…

It makes sense, when you think about it. I knew before he woke up that she was the key for his coming back, she was his link to this world.

Now, she's his link to his life. And to a past few people would want to remember.

I found her on Angel's bed yesterday morning. She wasn't crying, she was even sleeping, she was just staring at the wall, clutching his pillow against her chest. She didn't even notice I was in the room until I brushed her hair away from her brow…

It took me a while to figure out what had happened. I had heard Angel leave, and Faith discreetly follow him, but I had no idea what the problem could possibly be.

When she told me everything, I could have hit my own forehead, how stupid could I really be? Of course she was the solution… How come I hadn't foreseen that?

But then, the implications dawned on me. If he didn't want to remember, he would have to stay away from Buffy. I looked at her when that thought came to me… I remember the expression on her face, and I remember thinking that if Angel, being amnesic and all, could probably move on and forget her, she on the other hand, would never recover.

I think she's had more than enough of angst and pain, where Angel is concerned. A few years ago, she probably wouldn't have had too much problems letting him go, she did it once after all, moved on, fell in love again… even if she never loved anybody as much as she'd loved him.

And then, he died, she went through very difficult times, but went on with her life… Accepted, and moved on, which is only natural.

But now, she's been given some hope, a glimpse of what she could finally have… the dream was finally within her reach, she started to believe in it. All those thoughts she'd always pushed away from her mind and from her heart were suddenly allowed… If everything is taken back from her now, I don't think she'll ever be happy again. There's only so much a girl, even a Slayer, can take, you know?

I wish I had the solution, the miracle cure to all her problems, all her sadness… all I can do is watch helplessly as my best friend's heart is being torn to pieces once again, all because somebody up there decided she was going to be sacrificed for this world.

And Angel… I can only imagine what he's going through. Realising you used to be a cold blooded murderer, and a demon, must be really hard. Besides, he doesn't even have the whole back story… I don't think he really understands, he doesn't remember the gypsies, the soul, his friends in L.A… How is he gonna deal with that?

I've only seen him twice since it happened. When he came back from wherever he'd ran away to, Faith in tow glaring at him… I think they had quite the argument, but she won't tell what he said; and when he came asking for some money to buy something to eat, an embarrassed look on his face.

We still don't know who wants him dead, despite Faith's daily patrols. Buffy is just so out of it that I don't think she even worries about it.

And all I can do is wait… and hope.

o o o o o o o

**Angel's POV**

I've been sitting on this chair, in the dark, for what feels like an eternity. I don't know what to think anymore… what to know, who to trust…

What am I? Some kind of… Psychopath, or something? This… vision we had, when I kissed Buffy, it wasn't only a dream, it was real… I could feel what was happening, in my gut, in my mind, in everything I am. I could feel that demon's pleasure when the girl's sweet and young blood filled his mouth, caressing his tongue and warming his throat… I was disgusted, but fascinated… And that scared me more than anything else. I was that guy… only, out of my body.

I don't know what happened exactly… I'm not sure I want to. But I know it's linked to Buffy.

Who is she? I can feel that sort of… pull, whenever I'm near her, I'm drawn to her like a moth to a flame. I don't know if it's only ghost feelings from some part of my past, something new, or just something that's been implanted in my brain… Who knows, after all? I don't even know who I am, I guess I'm an easy victim for manipulation…

And now, I'm becoming paranoid. Great… But maybe it's typical for me? How could I know? I don't remember my own identity.

I run my hands down my face. One thing I'm sure of, is that I'm not sure I want to know more about my life.

And if it means running away from Buffy, fine. I'm sure it will be hard, but I'll deal. After all, I've only known her what, a week?

I sigh. Yeah, a week… but I feel like I've known her forever.

I'm so engrossed in my thoughts that I don't hear the knock on the door, and I jump slightly when I realize somebody's entered the room. I jerk my head up, and find Buffy standing a few feet away from me, looking at the ground.

I open my mouth to speak but I can't find the words… my only urge is to take her in my arms and make the sadness fade away from her face. But I can't do that.

She finally raises her face, and looks at me straight in the eyes. "I wanted to know… how you were"

I just nod. "I'm okay…" I guess.

She starts to pace around the room. "You know… I'd understand if… you want me to stay away" she says, and I can hear how much it costs her to utter those words "but I think maybe you should… talk about it"

"I don't want to" I say, maybe a little bit too harshly, because she looks at me like I just hit her.

She nods slowly "Okay."

I wish everything was different. I really do… but I guess you have to deal with what life gives you. You take what you can get, and do your best with it… those words ring a bell in my mind, for some reason… but I push that thought away, it has happened more and more ever since that little experience yesterday. Words, impressions, situations… I get those feelings of déjà-vu every once in a while.

"If you want to, you know… talk, I'm here" she tells me. And god, I want to tell her everything. But I won't.

I shake my head, and sigh. "Listen, Buffy… I think I just… need time"

She bits her bottom lip, and averts her eyes… the look on her face does unbearable things to my heart. I don't know what my link to her is, but it's strong, that's for sure. I can almost feel all the emotions she's going through right now.

A part of me wants to remember. Is longing for the truth, for the knowledge, for an end to my questions. That part of me wants to know who she is, who I am, what we are…

Btu another part is scared, afraid to death of that truth that I know I won't like. I don't know what I want, really… I need to sort it all out.

I stand up on my feet and walk closer to her. I want her to understand, that it's not her fault. That I don't do this because of her.

She lifts up her face, looking at me expectantly, but the words won't come out of my mouth. I sigh again, and reach out to take her hand in mine. But before my fingers can touch her skin, the door opens wide, revealing a slightly panicked-looking Willow.

I take a step back, and wait for the red head to explain. She's breathing fast, and looks like she's just run a marathon.

She gestures for Buffy to walk closer, and moves her hands towards the hall. I don't know how Buffy does it, but she seems to understand everything. The expression on her face hardens, the softness and kindness disappears to leave place to a mask I hadn't seen until now… Something almost feral glints in her eyes, and her whole posture changes. Gone is the sweet young woman, in her place is a person who looks like a warrior ready for battle.

That ridiculous thought would make me snort if the tension in the air wasn't so palpable.

"What happened?" Buffy asked.

"Come with me" Willow just replies, and grabs her friend's hand to lead her out of the room. The door closes before I can ask anything. I'm tempted to follow, but I don't feel comfortable enough around them to intrude their private conversations.

I just shake my head, and go back to my chair. I have the whole night to try and sort through my feelings.

I just hope it'll be enough.

o o o o o o o

**Buffy's POV**

I follow Willow without question. I know something happened, and if I had to guess, I'd say it has something to do with what Faith does every night when she goes out and thinks I don't notice.

I'm not that blind… I used to be an expert at sneaking out of the house, and I have the preternatural senses to help me. I didn't ask questions when I figured everything out, because I knew what she was doing… I knew she was trying to find the guys who wanted Angel dead, and I was grateful for her help.

But even if I'm aware of what she's trying to do, I don't really believe she can find anything. Those guys are good, really good… I doubt they'll leave traces behind.

When Willow finally opens Faith's room, I gasp at the sight before our eyes. My sister Slayer is sitting on the bed, in her bra and jeans, and her whole upper body is covered in cuts and bruises. I hurry in, and Willow closes the door behind us.

Faith doesn't even look at us, she's concentrated on applying antiseptic on one of her wounds.

"It needs stitches" I say.

She shakes her head. "I'll be fine… I've had worse"

I just sigh. "Let Willow take care of it. You'll be stitched even I so have to knock you out."

She raises her eyebrows at me, a daring look on her face, but lets us take care of her anyway. She has quite the impressive black-eye, but it will be gone by tomorrow morning… most of her wounds will be gone by tomorrow, actually. Perk of being the slayer.

"What happened to you?" I ask as I bandage her upper arm.

Willow stops, and raises her head. She knows.

Faith just looks at me. "I met those demons, a few blocks away from here, and we kinda got into a fight"

I just glare at her "Yeah, well, that much I had figured out on my own… but could you be a little more specific? Those weren't classic demons…"

She sighs, looking at the floor for a second, then back at me. "Those guys… whoever they are" she starts, and I know what guys she's talking about, "They know he's alive."

And here I thought the situation couldn't be worse… I should know, by now.

Panic makes my throat tighten. I nod, and go back to my bandaging. "We're going tomorrow"

They don't reply, but I know they agree. We can't stay here any longer.

TBC

o o o o o o o


	22. Chapter 22

**Note:** Make you sure you've read chapter 21 before this one, I posted two chapters today!!

o o o o o o o

**Buffy's POV **

I just spent another sleepless night. I paced around the hall until dawn, afraid the demons might attack us in our sleep. I told Angel that we were leaving in the morning, he looked at me strangely but didn't ask questions… I guess he doesn't really want to know anything, these days.

I know he's frustrated, having to ask for everything, money, transport, food, must be annoying… but we don't have a choice, we can't exactly leave him on his own… It would be like sticking a target on his back.

The sun just rose, and Faith got out of her room five minutes ago, packed and ready. She went out for a walk, her black-eye faded and almost invisible. I woke Willow up, and we are now packing our stuff. The sooner we leave, the better I'll feel… I need to take him away from here.

I know he's awake, I heard his shower run a few minutes before Faith's appearance in the hall. He doesn't have much to pack, anyway. Me neither, since my clothes already ended up burning in my previous hotel room.

I can feel Willow wants to say something, she's fidgeting, probably unconsciously.

"What?" I ask, putting my hands on my hips.

She gives me an innocent look, but I don't buy it. Come on, Will, I know you. She obviously surrenders to my terrible stare, because she stands up and sighs. "You know we're not gonna get rid of them if we run away?" she asks "They'll find us"

"I know…" I'm not that stupid. And I'm not acting on impulse, I had envisioned the possibility that Angel would be discovered. And I'm not running away…

"We're not going that far, actually. There's a hotel downtown, held by demons, for demons… that's where we're going"

She looks at me as if I had lost my mind. "You're kidding right?"

"Absolutely not. Demons there sign a contract before renting a room… a sort of no-violence clause. There are spells, and charms, and everything you can imagine protecting the place, you can't do so much as spit on somebody without being magically kicked out"

She raises her eyebrows. "And you know that… how?" she asks.

I just shrug. "I was born here, remember? And I've been a slayer here for a year. I know the area, not as well as Angel used to as far as the demonic part of the city is concerned, but I grew up and slayed here before."

She nods, and goes back to her packing. But I know something else is bothering her… I sigh again. "What?" I ask more forcefully.

"Well, it's just… if you needed a protection spell or something, you could have asked, you know?"

I smile at her. "Well, now that you mention it, I'm gonna need you on this one… We're gonna go there… but I don't want anybody to recognize us. We have to hide, and two slayers and a witch aren't really welcome in that kind of place…"

She gives me a bright grin. "Dissimulation and protection? You asked the right witch!!" she says, almost squealing, and I have to laugh at her reaction. "Yeah, well, calm down Glinda" I tell her, chuckling "we're not there yet."

o o o o o o o

An hour later, we're all ready to go. But as we climb in the car, a thought occurs to me that makes me panic a little…

We're going in a demon hotel. But Angel here, hasn't actually seen any real demon… he doesn't know the truth about the world.

God, how could I be so stupid? Real smooth, Buffy, way to make him feel at ease… but I also know that we have no choice. He's in danger, and he's going to have to know what's after him.

I think Willow notices the expression on my face, because she looks at me with a curious look in her eyes.

I can't talk out loud, because he's in the car with us, so, I try something we haven't done a quite a while.

"_Can you hear me?"_ I ask, in thoughts.

She jumps a little, but smiles._ "I can… what's the problem?"_

"_He doesn't know about demons…"_

There's a short silence, and I can see her eyes widen. _"Oops…"_

"_My thoughts, exactly… you should tell Faith"_

"_It's okay I can hear you… thanks, Red"_ Faith's voice rings up in my mind._ "What do we do, now? I hadn't even thought about that"_

"_None of us had"_ I say.

Faith sighs inwardly, but we can hear it. _"I should go to the hotel to book the rooms… You take him to the mall, or something, and find a way to explain before he meets a Fyarl demon in the elevator"_ she says.

I'm not sure I should stay with Angel, even if we're not alone… I'm tempted to tell Faith I can go book the rooms, but Willow interrupts my thoughts. _"No way… you come with us, Buffy, you can't hide from him forever."_

"_She's right"_ Faith says.

"_Fine"_ I tell them.

"Angel, how do you feel about a trip to the mall while Faith books our rooms?" I ask aloud.

He shrugs. "Good idea… I'm not against a little bit of fresh air"

I nod enthusiastically. "Then, that's a deal"

We drop Faith near the street where the hotel is hidden, and head for the mall.

o o o o o o o

When we arrive at the mall, the place is almost deserted. I hadn't really thought about the hour… it's very early in the morning, the doors aren't even open. I curse under my breath… will there be a day, just a day once in my life, where everything will turn out as planned?

"Well… I guess we're gonna have to wait" I say.

They both nod, and silence once again falls upon us. After a few minutes without a word, I can't take it anymore, I need to go out. I wish I smoked, then I would have an excuse to leave the car… But I don't.

"I'm gonna walk for a while" I tell them "I won't be long."

And before they can reply, I'm out. I need some time… I don't know how to cope with that situation. Having him so near, but not being able to touch him… I should be used to it by now, but it's still as hard as it was a few years ago.

A few years ago… God, sometimes it feels like it was in another life.

Well…

Actually…

It kinda was.

I walk aimlessly for a few minutes, lost in thoughts… So lost in thoughts, actually, that I don't notice I'm being followed until I end up in a dark alley behind the mall. Only at that moment do my Slayer senses kick in, but it's a little too late… Demons encircle me, no vamps of course, since the sun is up, but demons, looking at me like a child looks at a chocolate cake. They're all heavily armed, and I could kick myself for not noticing the danger before. Good thing Will and Angel stayed in the car.

I take a fighting stance, and wait for them to come closer. I'm gonna start with the two on my right, they're not that dangerous. There are at least ten of them… I can't believe I got trapped like that again. It happened to me a lot, these last few weeks. Do they materialize in thin air, or what?

I don't take the time to talk or pun… I just want to get it over with. I jump at the closest one, and in a matter of seconds, is dead at my feet. I grab his weapon on the floor, I only have Mr Pointy in my pocket and those guys are not vampires.

Everything after that happens really quickly… a blur of punches and kicks, and two demons are holding my tightly, preventing me from moving. A third one comes close, and puts a blade under my throat. "Where is he" he asks in a low and croaky voice.

"Where is who?" I ask, playing innocent.

"Who?" he says with a scary smile "you perfectly who I'm talking about… the half-breed you're hiding…"

I try to shrug, but the two demons are squeezing my arms so tightly that I probably don't have any circulation anymore. "I'm not hiding any… how did you say? 'Half breed'?"

He presses his knife under my chin, and I can feel the metal scratch my skin. I open my mouth to make a smart-ass comment, but before I can even form the words, a flash of light sends the demon flying.

I turn my head and find Willow standing at the end of the alley, her palms held out in front of her. She looks at the five demons still alive, and begins chanting. The two that are holding me let go of my arms and both take a step towards her. Fireballs are starting to form above her hands, and I take a step back…

But as fast as it appeared, all her power seems to escape her. I watch in horror as she gasps loudly, and falls on her knees.

"Willow!" I shout.

The guy who was threatening me is walking toward her, holding a strange box in his hands. Before I can make a move, I'm held back again. I start to fight, watching Willow out of the corner of my eyes. She's breathing harshly, all colors leaving her face. The demon sends the box to her, as it comes closer, she faints. I scream something, and start to fight harder, but there are too many of them. Fear for my friend dulls my reflexes, and I have trouble getting the upper hand.

But the moment I start to think everything is lost, somebody kills the demon behind me. I don't take the time to look at my savior, I keep on fighting, and kill two of our remaining opponents.

One of the others grabs my hair, and pulls so hard that I fall on the ground. The other one falls down a few feet away from me, there's only one of them left… the leader, again. He kneels beside me, and raises his knife above my belly…

I just blink, and in that short fraction of second, somebody has grabbed the demon's arm, and is twisting it behind his back. I watch spellbound, as the person beheads him with their bare hands…

When I finally sit up, after they're all dead, and see the fighter's face, my breath catches in my throat.

Angel is standing above me, looking at his hands.

I don't take the time to ponder what it means. I try to stand up, and when he sees I have trouble finding my balance, he grabs my shoulder.

We're immediately sent in a dozens of flashbacks at once, some of them I can remember, some of them I can't… my head spins, the only thing concrete his hand on me, one of his fingers in contact with the skin of my collarbone. As I'm reliving the day of my seventeenth birthday, he pulls his hand away.

I come back to reality in a flash, and just stare at him.

I thought he was human… he's not supposed to be able to fight like he just did. He fought like a vampire, like he used to fight.

I snap out of my daze when I see him look at Willow. I immediately start to run to my friend, grab the box and send it away. As it comes crashing against a wall, she wakes up with a start, looking the worse for wear. Angel leans down and takes her in his arms, and we head back to the car.

When Willow is safely tucked on the backseat, I climb on the driver's seat, Angel beside me.

After another few seconds of silence, I hear him take a deep breath.

"I wanna know what those guys were…" he says. I open my mouth, but before I can talk, he raises a hand to stop me. "I wanna know how I could do this, how you could fight like you did, what you are, and more importantly, what I am" he tells me.

I just look at him, at the decided and stubborn expression on his face. "Fine" I utter "After Willow is safe and awake"

He nods, and I start to drive towards the hotel.

TBC

o o o o o o o

And that's it for today!! I'll probably have more chapters to post tomorrow, I don't know how many yet, but I'm on a writing spree these days, I don't know why... but I'm not gonna complain! lol

Who knows... I might even update BH - winks- ;)

Please, tell me what you think!


	23. Chapter 23

**Note:** I can't wait for the next part of the story to start… I feel like it's becoming a little too long, don't you think? I don't know… I'm afraid that you might find it boring, after all this time!

Anyway, on with the chapter, the interesting stuff is to come soon…

And, sorry, but no BH for today!! Maybe tomorrow...

o o o o o o o

**Buffy's POV**

None of us utters a single word during the rest of the journey. Angel watches over Willow, making sure she's okay… I don't know what that thing was but it completely knocked her out.

I park the car two blocks away from the alley where the hotel is. We're gonna have to carry Willow, I don't think she can stand up on her own. She talks a little when we get her out of the backseat, mumbles something about feeling okay… Angel lifts her up, and we start to walk towards _The_ _Lair_.

Will and I wanted to find a way to explain to him smoothly what demons were. If I had a choice, I wouldn't tell him anything about the real world… maybe his amnesia is a second chance for him, a chance to live away from that madness, that violence… But we don't have a choice. And now, he witnessed everything with his own eyes, and killed three demons without even using a weapon. Something tells me that there are a lot of things we don't know about his turning human. Obviously, he's kept some of his vampire strength, if not all of it.

I'm ashamed to admit it, but I'm relieved. If he can still fight, I won't be that worried about him being alone. Even without the strength, he could probably hold himself in a battle, but having kept it is quite the bonus… Maybe everything's not lost.

But now, any idea of keeping him away from the darkness of my world seems rather pointless… Looks like the PTB have more plans for him. I sigh out loud at that thought, and Angel raises his eyebrows at me, which I try to ignore. Some part of me knew all along that it wouldn't be that easy… The Powers leaving him alone? Yeah, sure… I would snort if I wasn't afraid Angel might think I'm insane.

We enter the back alley where the hotel is, and I tell Angel to speed up a little. I don't want to be ambushed again, I've had my share of surprise attacks for the next few months at least.

The entrance of The Lair is hidden, only preternatural creatures can find it… it's a strange feeling. When you come close to it, you can feel the energy coming off of it in waves. I close my eyes and concentrate, walking around… when I finally reach the end of the alley, I find it, and wave a hand at Angel to show him where it is.

He raises a hand in front of him as soon as he arrives, and frowns. "I think I can feel it…" he says "It's warm"

Well, I suppose it makes sense. He isn't completely human after all. "Yeah" I tell him "we have to walk through the wall here.

"Okay" He starts to take a step, when Willow wakes up with a start.

"Wait!" she says. Looks like she wasn't as out of it as we thought.

"Will" I whisper "you're awake?"

She smiles at me. "I've been awake all along, but I needed some time to recover, and meditate"

I nod. "Feeling better now?"

"Yeah… you can put me down Angel"

He seems to snap out of his thoughts at the sound of her voice saying his name. "Oh, yes, uh… sorry"

She wobbles a little when she's finally on her feet, but it looks like she feeling alright. "I stopped you because you forgot to put on your glamours" she tells us with a chastising look.

Of course… how could I be so stupid? I'm the one who asked for them in the first place, in order not to be recognized, and I forget to put it on when I enter a hotel full of demons…

She puts the little bags around our necks, good thing it doesn't smell, and we finally take a step towards the wall. It feels strange in the beginning, like walking through candy floss, but it disappears really fast as we find ourselves in the lobby of the hotel.

I let out a little gasp at the sight. Everything is so… clean… I was expecting a filthy and smelly place, but it's rather pretty, and shiny. Who would have thought? We walk to the counter, and the receptionist – some female demon I can't identify, smile at us. "Welcome to The Lair" she says "did you book your rooms?"

I can't help but smile back when I reply. "Yeah… Harris, Callahan, and Lehane" We used Faith, Xander, and Angel's names, since they're not really famous underground. Summers would have betrayed me in a heartbeat, and Rosenberg is pretty known too. You never know…

She hands us three keys. "Third floor, on your left" she tells us with another smile "Any weapon must be left at the reception, we'll give you a receipt. Have a nice stay."

We all smile. I just have Mr Pointy, but I'll keep it with me, thank you very much. Willow hid it, anyway. We walk towards the elevator, trying not to stare at the demons around… the atmosphere of this place is rather peaceful, I don't feel threatened or in danger, but let's try not to draw attention. Better safe than sorry.

We finally reach the third floor, and Faith is already in the hall waiting for us. She shows us our rooms, and I put our bags on our beds, before we all gather in hers.

"Impressive place" she says, looking at me with a smile. But then, she takes a closer look at us, and opens her eyes wide… "What the hell happened again?" she asks, almost shouting.

I give her a sheepish look. "We kinda got attacked behind the mall…" I tell her. I know my jacket is torn. Willow's clothes are covered with dirt, and Angel has a nasty gash on his forehead.

Faith shakes her head. "And I suppose you all got involved?" she asks.

We all nod. I feel like I'm being lectured by one of my teachers, really. She sighs, I think she's having a lot of fun, actually, and we all sit down as she grabs our medical supplies.

Angel brings a hand to his brow, and winces as he touches the wound. Faith looks at me, and hands me the gloves and bandages.

I move closer to him. "Let me see" I tell him. I put on the gloves, and tentatively reach out my fingers to touch his skin. Nothing happens, and I sigh in relief… apparently, as long as our skins are not in contact, there's no risk of being sent in flashbacks.

He looks into my eyes at that moment, and I can see the sadness in his. I think he starts to remember me better now, we didn't talk about it, but I did see all the flashes with him… I wasn't in all of them, but most. He must a rather good idea of who we are now, even if the puzzle is far from complete…

I tend to his wound, careful not to touch him directly.

But apparently, not careful enough.

My wrist brushes the skin of his cheek, and we're immediately overcome by images and feelings… Past, present, what I can identify as Hell, a baby who probably is Connor… and lots of things that I can't recognize…

I pull my hand away almost immediately, but it's too late. He's breathing harshly, and looks lost for a second, just like the two previous times.

I move farther away from him, and meet Willow's eyes. She and Faith are looking at us with an interested look on their faces… I just clear my throat, and glare at them, hoping they'll get the message. Now is not the moment to talk about this.

"What was that thing that knocked you out, Will?" I ask, changing the topic.

She sighs. 'I don't know exactly… I suppose there was some charm inside of the box, some really powerful spell that drained me of my power…" she says vaguely, then looks at me straight in the eye "They were ready. They knew I was going to be there"

Fantastic. Not only are they constantly taking me by surprise, but they also know our moves before we even think about them.

"Yeah…" I utter "but what they hadn't foreseen, is Angel's intervention"

Two heads suddenly jerk up at my words. "What?" Faith and Willow ask at once.

I shrug, and look at Angel, searching for approbation. He nods, and I go on. "Angel fought them, and killed three of them" I tell them, a meaningful look on my face.

Faith is the first to react. "You mean he's kept his strength?"

I nod. "Apparently"

Willow lets out a sigh. "Well… I suppose now, we have to explain" she says, looking at him. "There's no point in hiding anyway…"

"Yeah, I really would like to know…" Angel replies, a hard look in his eyes. "I'm tired of the lies"

I take a deep breath. This is not going to be easy… But I start anyway. I tell him everything I know, about what demons are, about the world… and about what he was, even if I leave out some details. I don't tell him anything about his friends, his son, me, anything like this. That, he'll have to figure out on his own, I can't just tell him about it. He'll have to remember if he wants to. I tell him about how he came back – even if I stay vague, and talk about the guys who want him dead and we don't know why.

He doesn't say a word, doesn't even flinch, when I explain that he used to be a vampire, cursed with his soul by gypsies.

But when I'm done, he nods and stands up. "I… I need some air". And before we can say a word, he's out. Well, I suppose he's not really in danger as long as he doesn't leave the hotel, and he agreed to stay here.

Faith sighs. "That was… interesting" she says "Any idea why he kept his strength?"

Will and I both shake our heads. "No idea" she says "I guess we'll figure it out with time… there's something we don't understand, but I'm pretty sure it's big. We're in for a serious thing…"

I bit my bottom lip. I'm tired of it all…

Faith suddenly stands up. "Well… not that I'm bored but… what do you think about going to the bar and buy something to drink and eat? They must have something besides demon food…"

We nod enthusiastically, and stand up after her. "Deal" I say.

I don't know how long it will take, but I'll find the solution to that situation.

o o o o o o o

**Angel's POV**

I stayed inside for most of the day, thinking, sleeping the afternoon away… But when the sun set, I needed to go out and walk. I finally found my way to the roof of that place. I needed to be alone, and that hotel is full… At least here, I can think.

And I don't know, what to think… I don't know what to do with those revelations…

I had understood some of what she said by myself, with all those flashes and when I saw those demons…

I'm pretty sure I know who Buffy is. Or at least, I know who she is for me… I know I loved her, and I think I still do. I know she's the one who made me want to be someone and get out of the shadows… I know she means everything, I know I lost her at some point and tried to forget her… And I know I never really managed to, even when I started to love somebody else. Somebody else I can't remember, but who I know was also important to me. I know Buffy and I have a particular relationship, and I know even if she leaves, even if I never see her again, even if I get married and have kids with somebody I love, I'll never, ever forget her. I loved her too much, to ever do that. I know the reason why we couldn't be together had nothing to do with us, and everything to do with the world and our mission…

And I know I want a second chance. Or third, fourth, who's counting… I know she's the key to my happiness, or at least a part of it. An essential part of it.

I know all those things, but I can't really remember them. A part of me wants to, remember her, and those faceless persons I wish I could recall… that part of me wants to know why hearing a baby cry rings a bell in my mind.

But another part is scared, of what I might discover. Afraid of what I was, what I did… That part of me wants to run away and hide. But I don't know what part is gonna win.

I hear a slight noise behind me, and I know without looking that it's Buffy, climbing up the stairs to join me. How she knew I was here is beyond me, but I suppose she knows me, and currently more than I know myself. That said, I think even strangers know me better than I know myself right now.

"How are you doing?" she asks when she's closer to me. I just look at her… "Sorry… stupid question" she says.

I shrug. "I guess I've been better" I reply.

She rests her elbows on the edge of the wall, and looks down at the street. "I'm sorry that you have to live through this" she says, and I want to kiss her. But I don't…

"It's okay" I try to reassure her "I did ask for it, after all". I want to smile, but my lips won't obey.

I see her start to reach out a hand, but she pulls it back. That simple gesture makes my heart break… I wish I could touch her without being sent in those flashbacks… because I'm not sure I want to remember quite yet.

I know a lot of things about her now, like how she takes her hot cocoa, the name of her favourite stuffed pig, the results to her SATs… all those things I remembered through the flashes, along with the first time we made love, and the day I left her… How she looked in her prom dress… but something's missing. Some part of that past, an important one. I think what's missing is the feeling associated with those particular memories.

"I don't know if I want to remember, Buffy…" I tell her, and I hear her take a sharp breath.

"I understand" she says, biting her bottom lip.

No, I don't think she does. I look at her, her blonde head shining in the darkness of the night. The city's noise seems so far away, everything looks like a dream… I can't resist, I move closer to her and grab her waist, before bending my head to kiss her lightly. I know I can't have more, and it will have to be enough. I let my lips linger on hers for a few seconds as we're immediately assaulted with images and memories, a blur I can't sort through even if I try. I pull back slightly, breaking the contact between our skins, and she smiles at me through the tears that are starting to fill her eyes. I think she understands what I just did… I kissed her one last time. And it rips my heart out.

I look at the sky when the sound of a thunderstorm makes me jump a little. Within the hour, rain will start to fall. "You should go back inside" I tell her. She nods, but doesn't reply. I turn around and start to walk away, going back to my room.

This is gonna be a long night.

TBC

o o o o o o o


	24. Chapter 24

**I noticed when checking my stats that more people read chapter 22 than 21... which means some people didn't even notice chapter 21 was posted, and went straight to 22... If you want to understand everything that happens, don't skip any chapter! I posted 2 chap today as well, so, before reading this one, make sure you read the 23rd!! And that's it with the little warning... ;)**

**Note:**Chapter rated R, for reasons that will be obvious when you read. Enjoy!! ;)

o o o o o o o

**Buffy's POV**

I stayed on that roof for long minutes, until the first droplets on rain started to fall down on me. And even then , I didn't really want to go back to my room… I only wanted to stay there as long as I could, before being pushed back in reality. In a life where Angel just kissed me goodbye, sort of.

But the storm became more and more threatening, and I really had to go inside. I can hear the rain hit the windows now, and see the flashes of lightening light up my dark room.

I don't want to turn the light on. I don't want to do much of anything, actually.

Everything was so close… within my reach. I could have the dream, I could have what I'd dreamt about for so long, even if I'd let go of the dream at times, and loved other people… I know I did, move on and live my life. But there was that huge, but very well hidden, part of me that wanted the future with Angel. And I know it was the same for him, somehow. I know even when he started to let go of me, I was always there. I understood that when he asked for me to take him back when I'd be a cookie. And I also understood then that I would, without a second thought.

But now, it's over. He doesn't want me, not because of me, but because of what the Powers must consider like a joke. Really, they must have a good reason to do this… they must find it funny.

I don't, that's for sure. I'm tired of it all… how am I supposed to go back to my life now? How am I supposed to live, knowing what we could have had?

I don't think he was in his room when I came back in mine. I didn't feel him… strange, that I can still feel him like this even when he's human. That's something I stopped wondering about a long time ago, but still, it's strange.

The thunderstorm is more and more violent, I hope he's not outside. I know he said he wouldn't go out without one of us, but that's Angel we're talking about. He's not too keen on being told what to do.

I understand why he wants to stay away, really. But it doesn't make it hurt any less.

Only a few days ago, we were joking together in his hospital room, and he kept telling me to be careful… He was a Whisper, I couldn't even touch him, but at least, he was here with me. And I miss him.

I fight back bittersweet tears at the thought that maybe I'll never see him again. The real him, I mean, with the memories, the stubbornness, the tendency to tell me how to live my life… the real Angel I fell in love with when I was sixteen, and could never forget.

I don't think after everything I've lived for the last few weeks, I can really accept a life without him. Not now… not after all the hope those signs and dreams gave me.

If only I had known, before kissing him three days ago, what the consequences would be… but would I have acted differently? I don't know… Probably not. I wanted this. And the selfish part of me wants him to remember, just so that he'll be back in my life. Back to me.

All the lights in the street suddenly switch off… that storm is really serious. I'm in total darkness now, the only thing bringing some light the flashes of lightening every thirty seconds or so. I light up a candle after a minute or two, I'm in a demon hotel after all… I'd rather see what happens in the dark corners of the room.

I stay here on my chair for a long while, counting the seconds between lightening and thunder, and listening to the rain… it has something soothing, I don't know why. Rain always had that effect on me.

I'm so concentrated on this, trying not to think about the mess that is my life, that I don't hear immediately the knocking sound on my door. When it finally reaches my mind, I listen more carefully, and I hear it again. It's more insistent now. I hope it's not Faith asking for a lighter… She's the one who smokes, she must have one. She already asked for candles about an hour ago, foreseeing the black out.

I stand up, sighing, and head for the door. I'm halfway there when I get that feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I know who is waiting for me in the hall. I walk faster, and open the door quickly.

Everything is dark in the hall, but I can still make out Angel's form thanks to the dim light my candle is providing. He's completely soaked, he was obviously out in the street, and he's shivering… but I don't think it's because he's cold. He's looking at me with a look so intense in his eyes that I feel almost naked under his gaze. I try to open my mouth to speak, but no sound will come out, I just stand there staring at him, speechless… He's the one who takes the first step, and I immediately let him in. As soon as the door is closed behind him, he looks back at me, and moves closer.

He gulps, opens and closes his mouth a few times, before finally starting to speak. "I want to remember, Buffy… I want to remember everything". My heartbeat speeds up at the way he looks at me, and I wonder for a second if he can still hear it… Did he keep all the vampiric senses, along with the strength? And I'm doing this again, babbling in my thoughts.

"Y… you do?" I ask in a weak voice.

He just nods, and puts his hands on my wool clad arms. "I do… I want to know who I am, who you are… and I want you"

His words are my undoing. I don't ask questions, don't even think about it twice, and react on instinct. Before I can start to think about how wrong what I'm about to do is, I shut out that annoying little voice in the back of my head and launch myself in his arms to kiss him.

The flashes start immediately, still so fast and blurry… the world spins again, just like the first time it happened, but this time, we don't find ourselves in our bodies in the past. This time, it's just something that happens in the back of our minds.

I kiss him more urgently, surrendering to the need in my body, trying to dull the ache that seems to overcome my whole being… I need him closer, I cling to him like I would hold onto a lifeline, locking my arms around his neck, and my legs around his waist as he leads me to the bed. I didn't intend to go that far at first, but I can't help it. We can't help it. I'm not really in control anymore, just driven by passion, hunger and need… and love. So much love and tenderness that I feel like my heart is going to burst. Our lips never separate as I push his jacket down his shoulders, letting it fall on the floor with a wet sound. His shoes and mine follow quickly, along with my sweater.

When I pull away to breathe and look into his eyes, the flashes suddenly pause, and there's only us… he watches as I take off my top and sit down on the bed, reaching out a hand to beckon him closer… I give him a choice. He can stop now. Even if I wish with everything I am that he won't. I could cry in relief when I see him pull his own shirt over his head and take my hand…

The memories start again when our skins touch, making us feel slightly light headed… but we don't really care anymore. He kisses me again, leaning down with me on the bed, and the flashes become more clear, more powerful… I'm concentrated on Angel more than anything else, but all those images reach a part of my brain I can't control, and they pour into me as the heat in my body becomes more and more insistent.

I suppose it's the same for him… there's no chronological order in those flashes, not logic, nothing but people, things, and feelings. He pulls away from my lips and presses his face against mine as he starts to unbutton my pants, and I moan at the aching tenderness of that touch, rubbing my cheeks against his as I raise my hips to help him. I want to get rid of these clothes… I need him inside.

The memories continue to flash behind our eyes, it's a really strange sensation… it's like having two different levels on consciousness, one focused on each other, the other lost in a whirlwind of emotions and recollections of the past.

Soon, I can feel his hands all over me, when all of our clothes are finally disposed of. I run my feet along his calves, moaning senselessly against his mouth as he settles between my thighs and puts a hand on my belly, slowly moving it lower… It's been too long since I've felt that way.

Some of the flashes are hard to bear, and hurt… those ones make him hiss every time, and he clings to me as if I was his last tie to this world, holding me more tightly, almost crushing me under his weight… But I can take it. I whisper things that don't even have a sense for me, lost as I am in my own sensations, but it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is that we are in this together. Some of the memories I wish I never, ever knew about, but I face them anyway, there's no way I'm leaving him alone… some of the horrors rip through my heart, and I wonder at times if the reason why he holds me like that is that he's afraid I'm gonna leave him alone because of some disgust…

I could never do that. I kiss him with even more passion after each one of them, and run my hands down his body, caressing my way down his chest and stomach, absently tracing the lines of his tattoo… lines I could draw just by memory if I was asked to.

A part of my brain vaguely notices that the most recent memories still haven't washed over us, but that thought quickly leaves my mind as he starts to crawl down my body, his hands and lips on my breasts sending waves of pleasure all over me. I bury my hand in his hair, and almost beg him to come back up and join me… he resists for a while, but as the first memories of us start to fill our minds, he kisses his way back to my lips. Those are not exactly unpleasant, even if often painful, we relive our kisses, make out sessions in graveyards, and a night like this one, rainy and cold, a night I couldn't forget even if I tried. Our eyes lock when flashes of Angelus in Sunnydale appear, and we both stop, our breathing fast and uncontrolled.

He brings a hand to my cheek, our legs still entangled and our chests so close that it's a wonder we can still breathe. I can't say a word, and just keep my eyes on his, watching as he bends his head to kiss my brow and cheekbones, before looking back at me… the memories, and even the storm seem to quiet down for a while, and silence seems to envelop us, the only sound breaking our peace that of our own breathing.

"I love you…" he says suddenly and I can see in his eyes that it's true. A weight I didn't even know I was carrying seems to be lift up from my shoulders. Tears fall down my cheeks, and I kiss him again "I love you… I love you" I tell him, almost chanting it as the flashes start again, slowly, and somehow more clearly. Our eyes are still locked when he finally enters me, and we both gasp at the feeling washing over us, our foreheads touching as we struggle to find our breath again. When we start to move slowly together, all the images become more concrete, and the rest of Angel's story unfolds in our minds. I hold onto him while everything I wasn't there for happens in front of me, my hips raising more forcefully to meet his… I cry with him at the memories of his son, hurt at those of Cordy, suffer through the ones of his last months in Wolfram and Hart… But never at any moment do I try to pull away from him, I focus on the feelings his closeness awakes in me, on the completion I feel when he's inside of me…

Nothing matters but this.

When release finally overcomes us, the flashes speed up again, and become blurry and confusing… I see us kissing in the sunlight, which I'm pretty sure never happened, and I see him watch me from afar… I see him in a metal box in the ocean, and I see him waking up from a vision Cordelia gave him… None of those really make sense, and I'm way too lost in ecstasy to really care.

We slowly come back down and our breathing evens out after a while. We're still tightly entangled, and I don't want him to go. The memories have completely stopped, despite the fact that our skins are still touching… I guess it's over. Angel is back. When he raises his head, I struggle to meet his eyes, and what I see makes my heart weep. He looks so lost and hurt that I could scream at the Powers for making him go through this. It's not fair… But then again, what is, in this world?

But what I see also tells me that my Angel is here with me, along with the memories… I don't know if I should cry with joy or with sadness. I cup his cheek, and he just looks at me for a few seconds, before rolling over, withdrawing from me. I whimper at the loss of contact, and try to hold him against me, but he seems to shy away from my touch… It hurts, but I know it's not my fault. I can understand how hard it must be for him; it's even hard for me. But I'm not the one who lived through all these things, I'm just a witness here.

I bite my lip to prevent the tears from coming, and turn towards him, trying to resist the urge to just curl up next to him.

"Angel?" I whisper, trying to cover the noise of the storm.

He doesn't reply, doesn't even move, and keeps staring at the ceiling. I don't know how to react… should I just leave? No, I have to stay here, I don't care if he wants me to go, I'm not going anywhere.

I swallow harshly, and lay my head on the pillow. I'm lying on my side, a few inches away from him, and I never avert my eyes from his face. After a minute or so, I see him bring a hand to his brow, and I start to cry as I see tears starting to fall out of the corners of his eyes in the dim candlelight of the room…

I can't resist anymore, I move closer to him and throw my arms around his neck as he rolls over to face me, encircling me with his arms and drawing me against him. His chest heaves under mine as he tries to hold back his sobs, and I let my own tears fall down freely as he grabs fistfuls of my hair. Holding me tightly, desperately trying to come closer…

I have trouble realizing what's really happening to me. Two hours or so ago, I thought it was over, I thought I would never have him again… And now, he's back, and we just made love for the first time in years.

"I'm sorry…" he whispers against my cheek "I'm so sorry"

A lump starts to form in my throat at his words, and I want nothing more than to kiss away his pain… something that, now, I can do. I brush my lips against his, and cup his cheek. "Don't be… nothing was your fault, Angel… nothing"

We stay like this for what feels like hours, and fall asleep in each other's arms, the emotions of the last few weeks getting the best of us.

For the first time in forever, I sleep peacefully, lulled by his heartbeat and the sound of the rain. He's back… I can finally rest.

TBC

o o o o o o o

I did it!! It was about time they got some smoochies, don't you think? I've been really mean, they deserved some peace.

But don't rejoice too fast, it's not over yet!! ;)


	25. Chapter 25

**Note:** Well… I don't have anything to say actually… lol ;)

Just read, and tell me what you think!

Oh, wait, no, I do have something to say!! Thank you to all the reviewers, again!! You're the best, I love you guys!!

o o o o o o o

**Buffy's POV**

I wake up when the first rays of sunshine hit my face. I feel like I've slept a week, I'm rested, and ready to face the day… It takes me a while to really remember where I am, and what happened last night.

It was raining.

Angel came to my room.

We made love.

He remembers.

Oh my God… I open my eyes with a start, only to find the bed empty, the only sign of another presence the wrinkles on the pillow next to me. A wave of panic makes its way into my heart, for a second, I forget that he's human and can never revert back to Angelus. But there can be a lot of other reasons for his leaving… Maybe he couldn't stand the memories, and left to be alone… maybe he hates me now, for making him remember… maybe it was just a dream…

I'm so lost in my maybes that I don't realize immediately that I can hear some noise in the other part of the room. I get up quickly, and grab a sheet to cover myself before heading for the bathroom. I hesitate for a second… I don't know what to say. What to do… What if he regrets what happened?

I take a deep breath, and knock on the slightly open door. I hear no response.

"Angel?" I call out.

"Yeah… come in" he replies, and I silently sigh in relief.

When I step into the bathroom, I find him leaning on the sink, a bath towel around his waist, and staring at his reflection in the mirror. I hold back the smile that's tugging at my lips… He hasn't seen his own face in a mirror for two hundred and fifty years… It must be quite the experience.

"It feels strange" he says quietly, his voice barely above a whisper.

"What does?" I walk closer to him, and stand by his side. Our eyes meet in the mirror.

"Everything…"

I sigh, and turn my face towards him. "You don't feel strange to me…" I tell him.

He gives me a small smile, and I want nothing more than kissing it right now. "Well, I think you're a little biased" he says, and I chuckle. His face grows serious once again as he brushes a strand of hair away from my face and lets his fingers linger on my cheek. Our gazes lock, and I swear I can lose myself and all sense of reality in those orbs… I kiss his palm, and take his hand in mine. "I meant what I said last night, you know?" he says softly.

I frown in wonder. What did he say last night? Quite a lot of things, if I recall correctly…

"When I said that I love you…" he finishes.

Oh, that… A slow smile spreads on my face, and I walk closer to him. I shrug, jokingly pretending to be unaffected by his words. "Well, I kinda hope you do, you know? Because if you don't, then, the scene won't be pretty at all…" I tell him quickly before throwing my arms around his neck. The sheet falls down on the floor, and I revel in the feeling of his skin against mine. I search for his eyes, and find them looking back at me with so much tenderness in them that my breath catches in my throat.

"I love you too…" I tell him, before brushing his lips with mine. "I know it's not gonna be easy, and I know we have a lot of things to work out" I put a finger on his mouth when I see him start to talk "And I also know that I never, ever want to be without you again".

He runs one of his hands down my back, and I shiver at the touch… Our eyes meet again, and suddenly tenderness is being replaced with something more demanding, more carnal… passion, lust, desire… I know he can probably see the same in mine. "Same here" he says, his voice so low that I can barely hear it. I know his heart and soul still bear the scars of what happened last night, of the rush of memories coming back to him all at once, and I know there's nothing I can do to take away his pain.

But I also know that being with him will help. And it's a solution that's perfectly fine with me… Ever since that whole story started, when I saw that old woman in Bali, I've been waiting for this. For the day when he would be here, with me. Now that he is, there's no way I'm letting him go.

I stand on my tiptoes and his lips meet mine in a plundering, powerful kiss… Last night was all about longing, discovery, and memories…

Now, it's all about us.

I pull away, slightly out of breath, and take his hand in mine, leading him to the bathtub as I take the towel off his body. "How about a bath?"

Before I can even blink, he lifts me up and takes me in his arms, his face brushing against mine. "A bath would be too long to run… I was thinking more along the lines of going back to bed, right now" he whispers in my ear "shower later… what do you say?"

I can feel my whole being heating up in anticipation, and I lock my arms around his neck. "I say we have a deal".

And as he starts to carry me back into the room, I briefly wonder between kisses if we're even gonna make it to the bed. I hadn't noticed that room was so large… Suddenly, the carpet under his feet seems like a really good idea…

o o o o o o o

**Angel's POV**

It feels almost unreal… We spend the whole early morning rediscovering each other, talking, making love, surrendering to the desperate need that's been building up in us for what seems like forever. I guess it was just buried deep inside, during the past few years we spent apart. We tried to fill that void with others, even loved others, but it was neverthe same… It could never be the same. I wonder, sometimes, if I could have loved Cordy that way. With everything I am, with all my heart, and forget the past with her. Forget Buffy, forget the pain, and really move on. Love her more than I ever loved the woman who's currently sleeping with her head on my shoulder, and her leg thrown over mine… I guess I'll never know.

But the more I wonder, the less I find it possible. Loving somebody more than I love Buffy right now isn't even conceivable…

I know there's a lot of past I have to get over, and deal with. A lot of pain we inflicted to each other that we have to forgive… A connection to rebuild, even if that part is not really gonna be hard… The connection never really faded. And now, she knows pretty much everything there is to know about my life, and my past. I want to know about hers, when she's ready… About what she's done for the last two years, and before that, when I wasn't there to watch her steps… Her travels, the persons she met and loved, her missions…

But it's not that urgent… We have all the time in the world. Or at least, the time of a human life.

Human.

Now, that's something I have trouble wrapping my mind around. Even if I knew it was gonna happen, I did see my body in the hospital after all, I guess I hadn't really dared to believe.

And then, there was that time when I was amnesic. Not the funniest part of my life… My memories of those days are kinda fuzzy, ironically. I remember a blur of feelings, until yesterday evening when all my past came back in a rush between Buffy's arms. I still have trouble dealing with that… Those memories hurt. All the years as Angelus, and everything after I got my soul back, Buffy, L.A, Connor, Doyle, Cordy, Fred, Wesley, Gunn, Spike, Illyria… It's a little too much to handle at once.

The sound of a yawn next to my ear snaps me out of my thoughts. I look down, and find my sleep-rumpled love opening her eyes to look at me, her hair a mess, her make up completely gone… but I don't think she's ever been so beautiful.

"Hey" she says in a sleepy voice.

I smile at her, a sudden urge to kiss her overcoming me… And I do just that. She chuckles "Good morning to you too…" she whispers. I want that moment to last forever… but as I see her glance at the clock, I know we're gonna have to get out of bed.

She groans, and buries her face in the crook of my neck. "Ten am… I can't believe it. Faith and Will must be waiting for us" she says, her voice somehow muffled between my skin and the pillow. She pauses, and abruptly jerks her head up, gasping "They don't know you're back!" she realizes, and I hadn't even thought about that. Not that it really matters, but they're in for a surprise.

"We should get up now" I tell her regretfully.

She nods, and starts to roll over, but stops and gives me a mischievous smile. "Well…" she starts, putting a finger on my chest "We still have a shower to take, if I recall correctly"

I don't need to be told twice, really. In a matter of seconds, we're racing to the bathroom, and I catch her as she dissolves in a fit of giggles before even grabbing the door handle…

I think I'm gonna love my life.

o o o o o o o

**Buffy's POV**

I still don't really know how, but we managed to get dressed at some point. We look at each other, making sure we don't look too crumpled, and quietly slip out of the room. We try not to make any noise, and knock on Faith's and Willow's doors after Angel gets a clean sweater in his own closet.

There's no response, and given the hour, we suppose they're down at the bar. It's almost noon, after all.

We put on the glamours as we enter the elevators, and soon, we find ourselves in the lobby of the hotel. I spot them on a sofa in the corner, apparently deep in conversation. Faith and Willow… who would have thought?

We walk towards them, holding hands, and Angel gives them a bright smile as we finally sit down next to our friends. "It's good to see you two…" he says, and I try not to smile, imagining their reaction. Faith just quirks an eyebrow at him, but doesn't say anything. Willow frowns "You saw us yesterday, Angel… but… good to see you too" she tells him. I have trouble holding back a chuckle… I look at Faith's expression, and something tells me she knows more than we think.

He shrugs. "Well, actually, the last time I saw you, you were heading for Sunnydale together after saving my life". She stares at him, dumbfounded, until the light finally comes and the meaning of his words dawns on her. She opens her eyes wide "You… you remember? Oh my God, Buffy, he remembers" I just smile, and she stares at me, obviously surprised by my absence of reaction "You knew he did? How did you know? And how did that happen?" she asks in one breath.

And before I even have the time to blush at the idea of explaining, Faith lets out an impressively loud snort. "You sure we slept on the same floor last night, Red?" she asks, before raising her eyebrows and smirking at the expression on our faces. Willow frowns, not understanding immediately… "What? What do you mean?". Faith shakes her head "Well, let's just say… those two? Not much with the discretion" she replies.

My best friend's face turns a fantastic shade of red when she finally gets it. "Oh… Oh" she utters, nodding. "Well, that's…" she obviously searches for the right words, but when she turns her face towards me, a huge smile is spreading on her lips "That's great!!" she almost shouts. Then more quietly "Good thing I was wearing my earplugs because of the storm" she adds with a shudder.

We all chuckle, and Faith stands up to give Angel a bear hug that I swear doesn't even make me jealous. No, really… Not at all. Then, she pulls away, and leans in to talk to us. "Just an advice… the day you get an apartment… think about soundproofing". We both redden, and I have to smile at the sight of Angel blushing. I can't resist, and move closer to give him a quick kiss.

Willow literally beams at us and hugs Angel too, while Faith shakes her head, muttering about things she wishes she never knew about. "You have to tell me how that happened" the redhead says, then does a double take "I mean, not the details, that you can keep for yourselves, but I have to know how that sort of thing can possibly happen! It's fascinating, I mean, it's never been witnessed anywhere, I could develop a whole theory about this! I have to talk to Giles, and Laura at the coven, it's a first in history! That thing about bacherts and all, I'm sure it's linked to this, and…"

She keeps on babbling, and I get slightly worried at the idea of her talking about my sex life with my watcher, but those thoughts quickly disappear when I meet Angel's eyes. What I can read in them makes my heart beat faster, and for second, I tune the whole world out.

That is, until Faith nudges my elbow. "There are rooms for that sort of thing, you know?" she whispers in my ear. I just glare at her, and Angel lets out an amused chuckle. I think the room is the next part of the plan, actually…

But of course, my sister slayer has to kill the mood. "You know, Angie, I'm glad to see you and all, but… we kinda have a problem on our hands"

He nods. "Yeah… those guys" he starts, then sighs "I have no idea who they are, exactly."

I frown. "What do you mean, exactly?"

"I mean I'm pretty sure it's linked to what happened that last year in Wolfram and Hart… but how or why, I have no idea. I already thought about that when I was incorporeal…"

The moment he says 'incorporeal' I see Willow's face light up. Poor Angel will be in for a game of twenty hundred questions in the very near future…

Faith goes on with the conversation at hand. "Any clue as to how to figure it out?"

He shakes his head. "I think we'll discover it soon enough"

I had forgotten about them for a while, for a few blissful hours I wish would never end. But now, the worry and underlying panic comes back full force.

What if he gets killed?

He seems to guess what I'm thinking about, because he squeezes my hand and smiles at me.

Our gazes lock for a second, and I make a silent promise to myself.

I'll do anything in my power to protect him. Anything.

TBC

o o o o o o o

And that's it for today!! Still no BH, sorry, I know I said I would, but some involuntary circumstances made it really difficult for me to even manage to write that chapter… So, I thought I'd better update WOAS, BH can wait a little while longer.

I hope you enjoyed it, I thought a little bit of fluff wouldn't hurt… What did you think? ;)


	26. Chapter 26

**Note:** Sorry, it took me forever to write this one, I had trouble getting into the story. I don't really know why… I just know that when I tell a story, I need to believe in what I write, it becomes like some sort of obsession, and here, I couldn't really believe in B/A anymore. ME, Greenie, and Noxious worked so hard to kill the myth that they managed to hurt it pretty badly, and though I firmly believe there still hope somewhere… it just didn't ring true to my own ears anymore. Like I said, I have that tendency to become a little obsessed… lol!! ;)

But I'm back into business, 'cause hey, hope needs a little help to remain alive. If we fans and B/Aers stop writing, who's going to make sure they all get their happy ending (or angsty ending, depends)? Certainly not the rightful owners of said myth, that's for sure…

Anyway, on that absolutely fascinating author's note, I think it's time to go back to the matter at hand. On with the story, folks!! ;)

And again, thank you so much to the reviewers!!!

o o o o o o o

**Buffy's POV**

We keep running in circles. I came to that conclusion when I realized that we weren't going anywhere with our guesses and suppositions. I thought back to the last few weeks, and even years, and the revelation came to me that we were just back to square one. Angel here, Angel gone, Angel back here, Angel gone again, and so on… it's like a curse. We're in the 'Angel back' phase at the moment, and I still hold the hope that the circle might break now, and he will never go away again.

But I'm getting off-topic, it's not what I meant when I started that whole train of thoughts.

We keep running in circles, because every time we think we understand something, every time the situation seems to evolve, nothing happens, and we have to rethink it all, all over again.

Wow… even to me, that wasn't really clear.

I guess I'm just too tired to really think straight.

We try to understand who might want Angel dead, and we thought maybe the return of his memories would lift the veil on that mystery and show us the truth.

But guess what?

We were wrong. He doesn't know a thing, at least not for sure. He's as lost as we are, if not more. So, we're back to wondering.

Like I said… circles.

God… can't they give us a break, every once in a while?

Well, I suppose we had our break. One night… that's rather short. But hey, I'm not gonna be picky on this one, and take what I can get.

I snuggle more comfortably to Angel's side, and watch his profile as he sleeps. He looks so peaceful… but I know he's not. I know he's trying to be strong for me, he doesn't want me to see how much this whole thing affected him. When this is all over, I'll have to talk about it with him.

I can hardly believe how fast the old camaraderie we used to share came back. It's like all the years never happened, we were never apart, and we're still as much in love with one another as we used to be.

We went back to my room after spending the afternoon with Willow and Faith, trying to gather information from demons around. We didn't find anything, it's like nobody ever heard about those guys, or Angel, or anything remotely connected to the affair.

I sigh in the silence of the night… I really hope it's gonna be over soon. I want to get the life I always wanted. I think after all those years, Angel and I should get that chance we were denied of the first time… A chance to make our own choices, our own mistakes, without the threat of ending the world hanging over our heads.

The feeling of his skin on mine is something I probably won't be able to live without ever again. The heat emanating from his body is new, for him as well as for me… and I'm starting to get addicted to it… I want to stay like this forever, naked in a bed, snuggled to his side, watching him sleep after having made love.

But unfortunately, I know I'm gonna have to get up sooner or later, and leave the warmth and safety of his arms… My life sucks.

I frown at that thought, and at the same time, Angel turns around in his sleep and his arms come around my waist, holding me tightly. Okay, maybe my life doesn't suck that much. Lately. I smile to myself, and drop a kiss on his shoulder, finally closing my eyes as I bury my face in the crook of his neck.

Everything's gonna be okay.

o o o o o o o

**Angel's POV**

_I don't really know where I am… everything's kinda fuzzy around me,__ I can't really see or hear anything particular. The only thing I'm sure of is that I'm holding Buffy in my arms, I can feel the softness of her skin against mine, and her breath against my neck…_

_A chill comes over me, and I tighten my embrace around her body, seeking her warmth. But as I try to draw her closer, I feel like she's slipping away, getting colder and slowly vanishing right under my nose, and there's nothing I can do but watch. My heartbeat quickens, and I have trouble breathing… I'm panicking. Trying to hold onto her when she's already out of my reach…_

_There's a flash, and I find myself floating above a dark room. I look down, and I see myself and Buffy sleeping naked in a bed. I sigh in relief when I realize that she didn't go anywhere. She's still with me… Only, I'm not in my body anymore. The feeling's kind of familiar now. _

_This is a dream. I don't see any other possible explanation._

"_Yes… This is a dream" a voice says next to me, and I jump. I hadn't noticed I wasn't alone._

_I can't move an inch. Well, I can move my arms and my head, but I can't walk, or even move my feet._

_A tall figure comes out of the darkness behind me, and when I can finally see its face, I smile bitterly and shake my head._

"_Hamilton" I say "I should have guessed, that it wasn't the end"_

_He just shrugs. "It's never the end… But I'm not who you think I am"_

_I'm starting to understand Buffy, when she says the cryptic act is annoying. "And… who are you?" I ask._

_He shrugs again, and smirks. "I use that face because you know it… You couldn't see the real one. But if this one's bothers you, I can change…"_

_And as he says it, I see his features morph into those of a woman. A blond… Darla. This time, I laugh. "What?" I ask "Is this a 'let's remember my enemies' dream session?"_

"_More or less". His, or her, face changes again, faster… "Not only your enemies… let's just say, your ghosts"._

_My breath catches in my throat when I see Wesley, Fred, Gunn, Doyle, and finally Cordelia flash before my eyes. "Get out of their faces" I say between clenched teeth. If only I could move…_

"_Seeing a pattern here?" it asks in my friend's voice "All those people are dead"_

"_What are you?" I ask "The first evil?"_

_Cordy's laugh rings up in the silence of that place, and I clench my fists at my sides. "The first Evil? I don't think so… But I could take its favourite face, If you want to. The latest one, anyway." And Cordy immediately morphs into Buffy._

"_Like I said" my love's voice says "Dead people". And for a second, her face changes, and I get a glimpse of Spike smirking at me, before Buffy appears again. _

"_I'm not stupid" I say, "I know you're not her… I know you're not them"_

_A laugh, again. "I'm nobody, actually…" it says, shrugging. "I'm just your imagination… the part of your subconscious that's worried about the future"_

"_I'm not worried" I say. A little too fast._

"_Aren't you? You know demons are after you, my love… and you know they'll come after me. Don't you love me enough to spare me the danger?"_

"_Quit talking like you were her… you're not her, you can never be her"_

"_And they'll come after your son, killing all the loved ones you have left. We aren't that numerous anymore, you know? Who else do you have but me, and him?"_

"_Shut up!"_

"_I'm just saying"_

_And as fast as it appeared, it goes away. I'm left alone looking at Buffy and myself in the bed, snuggled together under the sheets._

_There's a flash again, and I'm holding Buffy's bloodied body, listening to her last breath… Two kids… Connor… all dead. _

_I scream. _

I wake up with a start, cold sweat covering my forehead. Buffy moans in her sleep, but thankfully doesn't wake up. I bring a hand to my brow, and take deep breaths… Whatever that dream was, it was warning me of something…

I can't stay here. I look down at my lover's peaceful face. What I'm about to do is one of the hardest things I've ever done… Along with the first time I did it, and the day I killed my own son to give him the life he deserved. I bend down and kiss her lips softly… even in her sleep, she responds, and my heart weeps for the chance we could have had. We were so close…

"Love you…" she mutters.

I brush a strand of hair behind her ear. "I love you too…"

I know I can't stay here. I should know, by now, that happiness is forever out of my reach… At least, she has a chance, if I'm away. I need to discover who those demons are, what they want, and I need to do it alone. I refuse to endanger her, or anybody else. Maybe one day I'll come back.

I get up, and get dressed quickly. I look at her one last time, and head out of the room without looking back. Because if I do, I'll never be able to leave.

o o o o o o o

**Buffy's POV**

I'm cold. It's the first thing my mind registers when I wake up from my dreamless sleep. I roll over, and reach out a hand without even opening my eyes, searching for the warmth a certain ex-vampire could share with me. When my fingers meet the pillow, I frown, and finally look around… Only to find that I'm alone in my bed. Again.

I sigh… We'll have to talk about that waking-up-too-early thing.

But something feels strange. It's like he's… not here. As in, so far that I can't feel him. I start to panic a little, even if I know it's ridiculous. I get up and look for his sweater on the floor. It's nowhere to be seen. I grab a robe, and fling the bathroom door open, he's not here either. My blood pumps in my ears, my breath quickening. I know it's stupid, he's probably somewhere downstairs, but I can't help that feeling in my gut, that something's wrong.

I get dressed faster than I ever did in my life, and run in the hall to look into Faith's room, and then Willow's. In each of them I meet a curious and startled pair of eyes, but I don't answer the questions. His own room is empty, all his clothes are gone… I run down the stairs and stop, out of breath, at the reception.

"Did Mr Callahan sign out?" I ask without a hello.

The receptionist looks at me, frowning. I realize that I forgot to put on the glamour. But she looks at her files anyway, probably used to strange occurrences.

"Callahan… oh, yes, I remember… He signed out in the middle of the night" she says with a smile.

I want to smile back and thank her, but I don't find it in me. Angel's gone… again. I don't know if I should laugh at the irony, or cry.

I just nod, and walk back towards the stairs. I'm halfway to my room when I meet Willow and Faith in the hall. "Hey… what's up B?" the latter asks.

I just nod, trying to hold back tears that are starting to form behind my eyes.

Willow frowns, and puts a hand on my arm. "Buffy?"

I swallow harshly. "Angel… Angel's… gone"

Two pairs of eyebrows raise suddenly. A chorus of "What" and "Where" rings up in my ears, but I don't find it in me to even care to answer. My knees finally give way, and I collapse slowly against the wall. Willow immediately kneels down next to me and hugs me tightly. Faith fidgets a minute, and sits down against the opposite wall.

I don't know how long we stay there. I'm only aware of that feeling in my heart, a mix of anger, disappointment, pain, and panic at the idea that he's alone outside, when demons are after him. What if he was kidnapped, and I didn't even notice? What made him leave me again? I thought now was the chance, finally…

Why?

o o o o o o o

**Angel's POV **

I walk aimlessly in the streets of L.A… I was gone only two years. But so many things have changed… I don't know where I'm going.

I turn at a street corner, looking over my shoulder. The sun is shining outside, but the alley is a little dark, and I don't see as well as I used to. I quicken my pace, something tells me I'm being followed… I walk faster and faster towards the main street, looking behind me again… and literally run into an old woman who's passing by. I almost knock her over, but manage to steady her before she falls.

She smiles at me, and there's something about her eyes… "What are you running from?" she asks, laughing. I shrug sheepishly, and only when I hear a little girly laugh do I realize she's not alone. There's a little girl with her, about eight years old, with bright green eyes I could swear I already saw before. "I'm sorry" I say "I should be more careful".

"No harm's done" the old lady says, shaking her head. That simple move makes the dozens of little bells on her shawl tingle, and her silver jewelry shines in the brightness of the street. I know there's something I should remember, but I can't put my finger on it…

"You shouldn't be here, you know?" the little girl asks, looking at me intently "There's somebody waiting for you"

"I know" I say without even thinking. Something about that child makes me at ease… as if I knew her.

"A little patience, sweetie" the old lady says, stroking her companion's hair "a little patience" she mutters again, walking closer to me. I can't move, mesmerized by those two persons… I know my reaction is not natural, but then again, I don't think they are either. She brings a hand to my forehead, and when her skin touches mine, I feel a jolt of electricity course through me, and I hiss at the slight pain. I see them smile fleetingly, as the girl talks again "You're gonna need it".

Then she points at something behind me, but when I look over my shoulder, there's nothing but an empty alley. I turn back around… and they're gone.

o o o o o o o

**Buffy's POV**

I still can't really believe he's gone. It's just… not possible. And we have to find him, we can't let him fight alone. Because I'm not stupid, I know why he left, he left because he didn't want to endanger us. I don't know what happened to make him take that decision, but I know it's the reason… I'm starting to know him, after all this time.

Willow walks me back to my room, and I smile at her when she leaves. I'm not gonna break down now. I'm gonna find him, and kick his ass until he swears he'll never leave again. I'm violent that way, what can I say?

But it doesn't mean I can't cry. When I'm left alone in the room we spent hours making love in these last two days, when there's just me, the silence, and his smell, my resolve wavers, and bitter tears run down my cheeks. I walk to the bed, and lay down with my head on his pillow… only to meet something cold, and metallic. I jerk away from the soft cotton, and look down…

I can only gasp as I grab the thing that was waiting for me on my own bed.

The bracelet.

A slow smile spreads on my face, through my tears. Maybe there's still a way for this to end well.

TBC

o o o o o o o

So? What do you think of this one?


	27. Chapter 27

**Note: **Thanks a bunch, my beloved reviewers… I can't wait to go back home, so that I'll be able to stay longer on internet, and reply to all the reviews. Just eleven days or so to go, and I'm free! Yay!!

o o o o o o o

**Angel's POV **

I know, now, why I felt like I knew these people. Buffy told me about them. I'm almost sure the old lady is the one she met in Bali, and the little girl is the one she met in the hospital. I don't know why they appeared to me, Now that I'm back, that bachert thing should be over, the bracelet is broken, and Buffy found the key… Or, actually, we found the key, by chance. Kisses and physical contact… who would have thought?

I understand why Buffy was troubled, all this time. They're kinda cryptic, and annoying. In a nice kind of way, but annoying all the same.

I look at the street around me, but there's no sign of them. They just… vanished. Typical.

I sigh, and start to walk in the light. But before I can even take a step, two pairs of arms grab me from behind my back, and draw me into the darkness.

o o o o o o o

**Buffy's POV**

I don't lose any second. I clutch the bracelet in my hand, and get up from the bed, intending to go talking to Willow. That damn thing was supposed to be broken in a thousand pieces on the filthy ground of an abandoned street. I don't know how it ended up whole and in my room, but sincerely, I couldn't care less. The only thing that matters, is that it represents the hope I thought I had lost.

I start to walk towards the door when a foreign voice rings up in my ears.

"I would put it on, if I were you"

I jump slightly, how come I hadn't noticed I wasn't alone in the room? Am I getting that old?

I immediately take a fighting stance.

"Hey" the man says "I'm not here to hurt you… not that I could, anyway…"

I relax a little, and when the light is suddenly switched on, I let out a sigh. I know that man… it's the same one I met in a café in London a few weeks ago. Same blue eyes, same annoying detached stance…

"We weren't properly introduced, the last time"

"Well, if you don't mind, I don't really have the time for introductions" I reply flippantly.

He just shrugs. "Your loss… but I'm not here to chit-chat either"

"Figured…"

"I'm here to lead you to the right path, actually… that's what us messengers do. Put the heroes back on track, and move on to other destinies that need some fixing. That's our own kind of destiny, somehow, you know?"

I just raise my eyebrows. "Seems funnier than mine"

He looks at me with a strange look on his face, and starts to chuckle. "I wouldn't say that… yours, princess, is a lot more interesting than that of the rest of us…"

"Well, I'm not sure I want an 'interesting' destiny. And I thought I'd already had it, anyway… I've already been destiny-speeched to death."

He laughs again. "I can see why he loves you so much…"

"What?"

"Never mind"

I just glare at him. "Why did you say I should put it on?"

He remains silent for a moment, and watches me intently. "You still don't get it, right?"

I frown, and shake my head slightly. "Get what?"

"The reason why you got that thing. And that chance to start over…"

I look down. I've wondered, a lot, why and how this could happen to me. But I didn't reach any plausible conclusion.

He sighs. "Those warriors… good with the fighting, but once you have to think, there's nobody"

I give him a hurt look. "Hey!"

"What? It's true. Believe me" he says with a smile. "The reason why you were given that chance, is that… Well, actually there are two reasons."

… "And?"

"And the first one is that after everything you've done, you deserve a reward. Just like he does. You both served this world to death, literally, and saved it, a lot"

I snort. "As was written on my gravestone" I mutter bitterly.

But he just shrugs. "Exactly"

I may seem indifferent, but my heart's actually threatening to burst with all the pride I feel, for us, for what we did. And joy to finally be acknowledged as a good fighter.

"And the second reason… you're not gonna like the second reason"

Of course. I guess all good things must come to an end.

"The second reason is that we still need you. The both of you… Everything that has happened for the last few years was written. More or less. We had to deal with a few problems here and there, like altered dimensions, Hell gods, a certain Jasmine, twisted and manipulated events and feelings… what a mess it was. But it all led to that point, despite all the obstacles. You, and him, and the world."

Why am I not surprised? It's always about us and the world, one way or another. "And what do we have to do?" I ask, a bitter edge to my voice.

"You see, that's where it's funny. You have absolutely nothing to do. Just live, and be happy…"

Okay, now he lost me somewhere… "Huh?"

He smiles again, and I swear, the next time he does that little condescending smirk, I'll wipe it off his face with my fists. "You'll figure it all out with time"

"Then why…"

"That, I can't tell you" he answers before I can even ask why those demons are after Angel. "We don't necessarily know what the other side's plans are"

"Great…" I mutter under my breath, playing with the little jewels dangling on the bracelet.

"But I still think you should put it on" he adds with a shrug and a strange expression on his face.

I look at him dubiously, but move to put it on my wrist.

"Oh, and, before you go… Tell your big guy that the princess and I made it safely to the land of unlimited good Irish whiskey and fashionable clothes… along with the rest of them."

Before I even have the time to ask what on earth he means, the bracelet clasps itself around my wrist, and the world goes black.

o o o o o o o

_I open my eyes, and find myself in a dark room. I have no idea where I am, what I'm doing here… I just remember that guy in my hotel room, and the bracelet… I look down, it's on my wrist again._

_I finally stand up, and start to walk around. When I reach the corner of what looks like a hall, I hear voices somewhere near. I take a few silent steps towards the noise… there's light a few feet away from me, a door is slightly open…_

_The atmosphere around me is strange. It's like I'm walking on cotton, and I'm moving in slow motion, somehow lulled by a sound I can't really identify, but that I find almost hypnotizing… But when I hear one particular voice, the world suddenly becomes clearer, I snap out of the sort of daze I was in, and enter the room… A room with four people in it, demons, and one in front of them on a chair. Nobody turns around, I think they can't see me._

_Apart from the one on the chair. Tied, to the chair. Angel looks at me with a panicked look in his eyes, a look that says to go away and run… He was hit, and baldy hurt… His bottom lip is swollen, there's a gash on his forehead._

_When a demon raises his arm to hit him again, I jump forward to try and stop him… Only to discover that I'm incorporeal. I gasp when I hear Angel's cheekbone crack under the guy's fist. _

"_Last time I ask… you're gonna tell us who knows"_

_Angel spits blood on the floor, and turns his face back to the demon. "And last time_ I_ ask… what are you talking about?" he says, his eyes never living those of his enemy._

"_Don't play that game with me… you know perfectly well what I mean. And I know you're not the only one to know."_

_Angel just frowns, and shakes his head slightly, his gaze flickering towards mine every now and then. What is he supposed to know? I can see in his eyes that he really is lost, he doesn't play any game…_

_His torturer walks to him again, and raises his arm. He's holding a wicked looking knife in his and my heart starts to beat faster in panic._

"_Maybe your memory needs refreshing" he says, and lowers his fist. Angel's eyes widen, and I scream…"_

"Buffy!!"

I open my eyes with a start, and sit up on the cold floor. My breathing is hitched, and I'm covered with cold sweat. I have trouble concentrating on my surroundings, I need to breathe, I can't breathe… The only thing I can think about is what's happening to Angel right now. I have to go there, I need to find him. I need to save him, and…

"B!!"

I jump at the sound of my sister slayer's voice, and turn to her, only to find her looking at me with something like fear in her eyes. Willow is kneeling on the other side of me, and only when I notice the way the world seems blurry around me do I realize there are hot tears leaking from my eyes. I wipe them off in anger with my sleeve, and stand up on my feet.

Faith's hand comes around my arm as I struggle to find my balance. She holds me up, and I throw her a vaguely grateful glance… But I can't find the strength to do more. I open my mouth several times, trying to explain, make them understand the situation, but no sound will come out of my throat. It's like my brain isn't linked to my mouth anymore, I can just shake my head helplessly to try and find a way to get out of this mess…

Willow's calm voice manages to soothe me a little. "Buffy, what happened?"

As I bring a hand to my face, intending to wipe the sweat off my forehead, I hear her gasp. I frown, and when I follow her gaze, I notice she's staring at the bracelet on my wrist, a hand covering her mouth.

"How…" she starts, but I cut her off. "I don't know" I manage to croak. My throat is sore, I must have screamed at the top of my lungs for a long time. "But I know we have to find him, and fast". Easier said than done, I know.

Faith straightens up. "Okay… where do we start?" she asks, ready to fight. I just stare at her, trying not to show how lost I am. Where to start, uh? No idea.

I concentrate hard on what I witnessed in my vision, or whatever it was, trying to find a clue, anything that might give us a lead. The place was dark, and there was water on the floor. Sewers? No, not sewers. The smell wasn't the same. It smelled like… like… I don't know. Like demon sweat, and fear, and filth, and… salt?

Everything's mixing up in my memory, and the fear I'm trying to hold back is starting to crawl inside my heart… I know I don't have much time, and the feeling of urgency is threatening to drive me insane.

Think, Buffy, think… I keep my eyes tightly shut, and bring my hands on either side of my head, and then on my ears. I need silence.

Silence… There was a noise, in the dream. A regular, hypnotizing sound, something soft, but strong, that repeated itself over and over… voices outside, a motor somewhere… water, salt… waves…

I open my eyes suddenly, making my friends jump, and quickly head for my weapon bag. When I turn back towards them, a sword in one hand, Mr Pointy in the other, I find them staring at me, a slightly worried look on their faces.

"The docks" I say "He's somewhere at the docks".

o o o o o o o

**Angel's POV**

I'm losing a lot of blood. I'm not in immediate danger of dying from blood loss, that much I can say… Years spent killing humans with pervert pleasure, listening to their heartbeat slowing down with something akin to ecstasy filling my brain, taught me that at least.

I really thought the knife would bring me to my end, but he just scratched me and drew some blood to try and frighten me… If he wanted to kill me, I would be dead already, my body rotting on an abandoned beach nearby.

I saw Buffy, I'm sure of it. She was there, with me, but nobody else saw her. I don't understand what happened exactly, I just know that she had the bracelet on her wrist, the piece of jewelry that was supposed to be broken, and that she disappeared right when that demon hit me, a horror-filled scream on her lips and a panicked look in her eyes.

I hope she doesn't come here. I don't know what they want from me, but I know I don't want her involved. And what if she does know the thing I'm supposed to be hiding from that bunch of bastard? She knows pretty much everything I know right now, even if the rush of images and feelings probably didn't make much sense to her at the moment, not like they did for me. But even if she can't put it all back in order and really understand the events of my life, even if it's just a blur for her, that piece of information must be somewhere in her brain.

That is, assuming it's even in mine. I still don't really understand what I'm supposed to know that could threaten them.

Well, given that I was head of Wolfram & Hart for a year, and a warrior for the PTB for much longer than that, I can't really say I don't know anything about them or their world, can I? I probably do have the information they're trying to make me admit I told somebody else, I just don't remember what it is.

They left me alone in the room, still tied to the chair. It's been at least ten minutes since I've heard a sound besides that of the waves crashing down on the sand somewhere behind the building I'm in. Ten minutes is a really short time, but at least it gives me some rest. I hope they won't come back before…

The sound of the door opening interrupts my train of thoughts. A demon I'm sure wasn't there earlier enters the room, a chair in his hands, and sits down on it a few feet in front of me.

I remain silent, and never looks away even when he stares at me with a burning intensity.

"I'm gonna give you a choice" he says. "I'm the last thing standing between you, and an incredibly painful death."

I chuckle slightly. "You mean, you're gonna give me a painless death?"

He just shrugs, still watching me intently. "Witty, aren't we?"

I just stare at him.

"Let me introduce myself. I'm Zachary. And I'm a member of an order that's way older than time."

I raise my eyebrows, and whistle quietly. "Wow… I would shake your hand, but… you know..."

He laughs again. "A pity, really, that we'll have to dispose of you. You're quite entertaining."

"And you're an annoying bastard. We all have our crosses to bear…"

I don't like the way he's trying to be sympathetic.

He just smirks at me. "And you know a lot about crosses, don't you, Angelus?"

"The name's Angel"

"So I was told. But that's not the point here…"

"Well, getting to the point would be nice, then. I'm getting bored."

There's a short silence. "Fine"

And before I can even blink, he's knocked my chair over. A sudden pain shoots through my back, and I try not to cry out. He walks calmly to my side, and kneels next to my chest. I stare up at him, with what I hope is a threatening and daring look in my eyes.

He puts something out of his pocket, and holds it under my nose. My breath catches in my throat.

"You're gonna tell me who apart from you knows about what you saw in your vision two years ago. If you don't, she dies."

I can only gulp as I stare at the picture in front of me. A picture I know by heart, for it's the one I used to use as a page marker. A picture of Buffy.

TBC

o o o o o o o

Took a long time, I know, and I'm sorry… I hope you liked this one, next one hopefully coming soon!! ;)

Tell me what you think!!


	28. Chapter 28

**Note:** I DID IT!! Took me forever, but I updated… look at this, aren't you all proud of me? lol

I hope you'll enjoy that chapter, and don't forget to review!!

Thanks to all of you who reviewed my story, and asked for the chapters, and just read and enjoyed. You guys are the reason I keep writing. Thanks to redrider6612, flyersfan3588, AngstAddicted, SWChica2005, Uskohakuchan, Lozzie84, Tina, Teri, Mendenbar, DarkKrad, Ruby Dragon Angel, Marniep, Suzzywuz, RabidReject, Mahine, michebabyblue, Fan Fic Phantom, jennisfifi, Cristine, Rosenkruez, rocks and glass, mz.sarJe, impsy, DawnSummers-BellaCullen, Reem, ChristmasInHollywood, Becca1806, Christy, Aliah, flightlessphoenix, and Marnie!!

Wow, that was quite the list! I hope I didn't forget anybody!

o o o o o o o

**Angel's POV**

_- __Flashback - Two years and a few months earlier_

_A dimly lit room. The taste of victory, and of hope. A kiss._

…

"_Oh, and, you're welcome"_

…

"_Thank you"_

…

_Demons, about a dozen of them. A table. A prophecy._

_A dragon. _

_Blood. A lot of blood. _

_Rain._

_Death… Everywhere._

_Faces. Names. _

…

_A solution._

…

_I__ woke up with a start, trying to process what I had just seen in my sleep._

_I__ didn't really understand what had just happened, but I would, soon enough. _

_I__ would understand that even if my friend hadn't given me her gift, her visions, she had given me something that, in time, would be far more precious. _

_She had given me a way to escape. A way to end this._

_A key._

_- End of flashback - _

I don't know what to do. What to say. I saw a lot of things in that vision, but it was a long time ago. A life ago, somehow…

What am I supposed to remember? And why now? I already defeated the Senior Partners. I already died in that battle, along with my friends.

'Zachary' left a few minutes ago, leaving me on the floor, still tied to the chair. I managed to sit back up, after a few moments of struggle, and only now do I start to think about what the consequences are gonna be.

Who are those guys? What do they want? Apart from the obvious, of course…

I hope Buffy doesn't come here. I wish I could find a way to warn them, to convince Faith to knock her out and bring her away from this, from my mistakes…

And oddly enough, I also wish I could talk to Cordy. Just to ask her what the Hell I'm supposed to understand here. She could at least have given me some kind of, I don't know, guidelines or something…

Yeah, I wish I could talk to Cordy. And Wesley, and Gunn, and Fred. Tell them about my life now, tell them they were right to believe… tell them how sorry I am. Beg for their forgiveness.

Or just see them, for a little while.

But I shouldn't be going down that road now. I need to concentrate on the living… and on what might happen to the people I have left if I don't figure all out in time.

I sigh out loud, and shake my head.

I'd better find a way to end this, and quickly.

o o o o o o o

**Buffy's POV**

"Slow down!"

My brain barely registers Faith's words as I storm out of the room, armed and ready for war. I'm only focused on Angel, his pain, and how to stop it.

What can I say? I have a one-track mind.

My hands finally stopped shaking once I managed to calm down a little and think straight. I tighten my grip on my stake, trying to draw some strength from the cold wood.

I walk a little faster, the urge to hit something making my blood boil. I know where Angel is… Now, I only have to find him, kick some demon ass, and everything's gonna be okay.

Everything's gonna be alright.

Isn't it?

I know it is.

Maybe if I say it enough times, It'll come true.

I whirl around when I feel a warm hand on my arm, raising my weapon to kill whatever managed to sneak out on me…

Only to find myself staring into a pair of very pissed off brown eyes.

"I told you to slow down" Faith says.

I sigh in exasperation. Don't they understand?

I'm about to shout at her, and tell her to shut up and walk, but when I get a glimpse of Willow's expression out of the corner of my eyes, my anger softens, and I suddenly feel guilty for being so insensitive.

They are worried. About me, and about Angel, and my attitude isn't making anything better.

I run a hand down my face, trying not to think about how tired I am of all this, about how much I wish I could finally find some peace. Preferably with my boyfriend.

I sigh again, but not angrily this time, and walk slowly back towards the room. "I'm sorry" I tell them. "It's just…"

"We know". I throw Willow a grateful glance, and swallow my tears as she smiles at me. I flop down on the blue comforter, and bury my face in my hands.

Everything is happening too fast. There was that guy, only a few minutes ago, and he seemed to know what was happening. Or, maybe he didn't. What is it he said? We don't necessarily know what the other side is up to?

God, I wish somebody would pop out of nowhere and give me a solution. Any kind of solution, I'm not picky.

"How do you know where he is?" Faith asks.

I don't even look at her, and raise my right hand to show her my wrist. She finally understands when she sees the bracelet hanging there, and I hear her take a sharp intake of breath. Willow had already figured that out, and she just stands up and starts to pace around the room.

None of us talks for a few minutes, and I'm starting to panic, there's that annoying voice in my head that counts down the minutes Angel has left before he gets killed. I know he's still alive, I would feel it if he wasn't.

Wouldn't I?

"We need a plan" I finally tell them, my words breaking the tensed silence of the room.

"Yeah, we know that" Faith says, annoyance clear in her voice.

"And we need to find it fast" I add. I don't want to seem rude, but somebody's life is at stake here.

"Yeah, well, why don't you make a suggestion?" my sister Slayer replies angrily, glaring at me.

"Well, actually, if not for you, I would already be there!" I almost shout.

"Oh, yeah, great idea Buff, let's jump between the demon's claws and get ourselves killed, I'm sure that would help Angie a lot! But you have experience in that area, don't you? Attacking without thinking, not caring about the damn price…"

"Girls?"

I can't believe she just said that. That girl has some nerves…"Oh that's rich, coming from somebody who's about as responsible as a five year old, and who ended up in jail because she 'attacked without thinking'! Yes, I think we should attack, that would still be better than staying here, waiting for a miracle!"

"We're just trying to keep the two of you lunkheads alive!!" she adds, walking towards me menacingly.

"GIRLS!!!!"

We both jump at the sound of Willow's voice. She standing between the two of us, her hands on her hips, a deadly glare on her face. My breathing is shallow, anger is pumping through my veins. I can see Faith is as stressed as I am, ready to explode… We both immediately take a step back.

But Willow isn't finished.

"Now is not the moment to start an argument, or bitch at each other. Angel is kept somewhere in L.A, probably tortured as we speak, and all you can do is fight? But rushing things won't help, we can't storm in there and rescue him if we don't know anything! What can you remember, Buffy?"

We both look at her sheepishly, and I bite my bottom lip in shame. I know I shouldn't act like this, but I can't help it. I lost control of my nerves somewhere between waking up without him and getting a certain bracelet back.

I know I should wait for them. I know I should sit down, and think, try to find a mature solution to bring him back. I know all this.

I also know that I should listen to Willow, and to Faith.

But I can't. I've been through too much these last few weeks. I can't stand it anymore. I won't stand to stay here and wait for the man I love to die or miraculously appear in the room, because none of those things will happen. The first one because I simply can't, and won't, let it happen; the second one because, come on, I maybe a little wigged out by this whole situation, but I'm not stupid. Yet. This one is not in the realm of the possibility.

I'm gonna go there. Alone.

Now, I just have to find a way to do it.

I sigh again, trying to find the right words. Anything to get rid of them right now. "Listen, I… I need to lie down a little, to think this through".

They look at me suspiciously, but they don't comment.

"Uh… Sure" Willow says. "Do you…"

"I need to be alone" I tell them as I walk towards my bed and move to sit down on it. "I can't remember anything right now, I need some peace to try and… understand."

They nod, and head for the door to give me some privacy. Faith just throws me a last glance before closing the door behind her.

Some part of my mind registers that this is a little too easy, but I shut the little voice out and immediately jump on my feet.

I'm not gonna stay here and do nothing. No way.

Years of experience in sneaking out of the house under my mother's nose help me find a way to escape this hotel as quickly and stealthily as possible. I turn my cell phone off once I'm in the street, and walk towards the docks.

I have a once lost but recently found love to save.

TBC

o o o o o o o

Okay, that chapter was lame. You can say it. I have trouble going back into the story, but it'll get better in the next chapters!! I just needed to make Buffy go there on her own!

Please, review!!


	29. Chapter 29

**Note:** Looks like my inspiration came back… and now, I have more time, which mean maybe I'll find a way to reply to the reviews, which I never have the time to do… Thanks again, guys, you made me write faster!

o o o o o o o

"_**Let me light up the sky, light it up for you**_

_**Let me tell you why, I would die for you…" Yellowcard, Light up the sky**_

**Angel's POV**

It's been a while since nobody entered the room. Or the cell is more like it… it has no window, and I'm starting to feel a little claustrophobic. I guess it's a part of me being human now… Or maybe it's the result of my past experience with enclosed and empty places.

I tried to free myself from the heavy manacles that are tying my wrists together behind the back of my chair, but I can't seem to even come close to bending it. Given that I still have my strength, I suppose they are magically enhanced. Great… looks like they thought about everything.

I have had that strange feeling, somewhere in the pit of my stomach, for the last few minutes. Or maybe hours, I can't really tell anymore… The feeling that something's about to go really wrong.

Okay, more wrong than it is now, anyway.

That strange sense of panic started to invade my thoughts when the demon left after explaining in details that were everything but confusing what would happen if I didn't give them what they wanted.

The only thing is, I still don't really know what they want. All that time alone didn't even begin to lift the veil that seems to hide the truth, the solution… I know now that it's linked to the vision, that was made pretty clear to me, and that I have some kind of information I shouldn't have. Even if I have no idea what it is.

I jump out of my thoughts at the sound of the door opening. Time has come for a little torture, apparently… Zachary, and a Fyarl demon, enter the room with what looks like a set of surgeon tools. But they aren't surgeon tools, and I should know it. My dear alter ego loved those with an unhealthy passion. If I concentrate hard enough, I can still recall the sensation of holding them in my hands, of using them to break someone's skin, someone's will… someone's soul…

But I can no longer taste their blood on my lips. Perk of being human, I guess…

It doesn't make the memory any more bearable, though.

I sit up a little straighter on my chair, and face the demon in front of me with all the bravery I have. I hope it'll be enough… But if he thinks his little scalpels are gonna scare me, he's got another thing coming.

I clear my throat loudly, and give them both a fake smile. "I was wondering when you would come back… I was getting kinda bored."

Zachary just smirks, and something in the expression on his face tells me he's hiding something. He has that glint in his eyes… the glint of victory.

And he hasn't even started. I would laugh, if I was in the mood.

My neutral expression turns into one of mockery as I eye the tools on the plate a few feet away from me. Without even looking at him, I point at them with my chin. "You don't actually believe those things are going to make me talk, do you?" I ask, my eyebrows raised in false disbelief.

He looks at me carefully, gauging me with eyes, before giving that little smirk again. He certainly is good at that game…

But I'm better.

I chuckle, hoping it will annoy him enough to push him over the edge, and make him try to kill me… Or accidentally free me in a fit of rage. At this point, I grasp at every straw I can find.

I try to hide my surprise as I hear him chuckle too.

"You think you're smart" he says, more as a statement than as a question "But guess what…"

He stops, and turns around to look at the door.

I follow his gaze, and can only stare as I see two demons entering the room, holding a body between them.

The body of a small blond.

I gasp as I immediately recognize Buffy's silhouette, her hair, even her scent that, for some reason, I can still pick out even without my vampire senses.

My breath catches, the air around apparently refusing to fill my lungs, and I can hear my blood pumping in my ears. My vision gets blurry, and for a second, I think she's dead. But she's not, I know she's not, I can see her chest rising with each one of her breaths… What did they do to her? And more importantly, what are they going to do now?

I feel bile rising at the back of my throat as I finally get it. The torture tools.

Oh god…

Now, I really panic. She was supposed to be out of harm's way, safe, in a hotel room somewhere that's not here. I left her so that she would be safe…

How stupid was I.

As my heartbeat suddenly quickens, I realize it was all planned from the beginning. The dream, me leaving… they all knew what I was going to do.

I'm in such a state of shock, mixed with panic and rage, that I barely register Zachary's words.

"I'm a little smarter."

o o o o o o o

It takes me a few moment, but reason finally comes back to me at some point. I can't sit here and watch my love being tortured… I need to do something, anything, if I give up now, she's dead. And me with her, but that really isn't the issue.

Because if she dies now, I'll be better off dead with her. I don't have anything else but her to hold onto anymore.

I clench my teeth, and look sharply at the demon. "If you so much as touch one of her hair…"

He just starts to laugh. "You'll do what? Spit on me? Curse me to death?"

It hurts me physically to even admit it, but he's right. I'm not exactly in a position to threaten anybody.

Damn it.

Panic comes back in a rush as I watch the two demons lifting her off the floor, and roughly sitting her on chair that looks like mine, made of metal and in one piece… the kind of chair you can't break even if you try.

I hiss as one of them violently slaps her on the face, and I struggle harder against the chains that are holding me back.

"A little stressed out, aren't we?"

"Shut up" I spit back. I'm not in the mood for mind games anymore.

Hope comes back for a minute as I see her opening her eyes, the force of the blow bringing her back to consciousness. But that hope quickly dies as I realize she's already tied up to her chair.

"Buffy?" I ask as quietly as possible. She seems a little out of it, but after a few seconds, her gaze finally sets on me, and her eyes widen slightly… until she looks around, and, taking in her surroundings, understands that she's in trouble. In big trouble.

She looks taken aback for a bit, but as fast as it had appeared, the lost look on her face is replaced by an aggressive and daring one.

The mask of the Slayer.

Just seeing her adopting that stance, sitting straight up, and raising her chin as if to dare them to approach her, almost makes me feel better.

Almost.

"She isn't a part of it" I blurt out "Leave her alone… she doesn't know a thing."

"Well… maybe she doesn't, but you do. And what better way to make you talk than to hurt the woman you love?"

Buffy's eyes widen again as she completely realizes what's going on here. Her gaze flickers towards the table next to her, where the tools are lying, waiting to be used against her. She looks between me and the demon, but doesn't let her fear show as she quickly gets a hold on herself.

There's beat, and I don't know if it lasts only a second or an eternity, during which she looks at me straight in the eyes. To show me she isn't scared… to tell me everything's gonna be okay.

But as the Fyarl grabs a scalpel on the platter, the blinding rage I was trying to hold back finally breaks free, and before I know it, I'm fighting the ties around my wrist like a mad man, almost wishing I could switch to game face. I struggle all I can, but I know the chains won't break…

"No!" I shout as he approaches her "Son of a bitch, I swear if I see one drop of blood"

"Angel…"

"What'll be left of you won't even fit in an ashtray… Stop it!!!"

"Angel!"

I'm too blinded by hatred towards the demons to even register Buffy's voice. "I said to STOP IT!!"

"ANGEL!!"

The force of her voice finally snaps me out of my enraged state, and I set my eyes on her. She's struggling too, but there's no fear in her eyes. She just looks at me, and I wait for her to speak, trying to calm down my rapidly beating heart.

"Whatever it is they want to know, Angel, don't even think about telling them, okay?"

I just stare at her in disbelief. Does she really expect me too…

"Okay?" she asks again.

I look into her eyes once again, and the courage I see there makes me want to cry. I nod weakly, before starting to struggle against the manacles again.

"How touching…" Zachary says with yet another smirk on his face. "Now let's see if he can hold to 'that' promise"

She doesn't even hiss as the blade cuts through her skin. I watch as her blood starts to slowly stain her blouse…

I'm not sure I can.

o o o o o o o

**Buffy's POV**

I feel like I've been sitting on that chair forever. Time seems to stretch out, and what probably is only minutes feels like it's hours.

Well, maybe it is, hours.

I don't really care anyway. The pain is taking too much out of me to let me think straight. I've been cut, pinched, stung, poked… everything you can imagine that's not pleasant at all, I went through it.

I can't believe I was caught that fast. Worse than a newbie… I'm sure even the SIT's wouldn't have ended up in that kind of situation. Maybe it's because I was so worried about Angel, I don't know… I was just a few blocks away from the hotel when they got me. They shot me on the back with a tranquilizer, and I just remember hitting the concrete before waking up on that chair.

What a bunch of cowards… Of well organized cowards, but cowards anyway.

They knew what I was going to do. They just knew. There's no other possible explanation.

Blood is clouding my vision, as I open my eyes again, coming back to the present. It's probably pouring from the deep gash I know must be on my forehead.

But even if the world's kinda blurry around me, I can still see Angel. His eyes have never left me ever since they started this. I know it must be hard to watch, I must be quite the horrible sight right now… He didn't say a word, but I can see the way he clenches his teeth. He's pale as a sheet, or at least, paler than usual, and I can see the faint light of the room reflecting on the sweat on his forehead.

They keep asking him questions, and I understand it's about some kind of vision he got. It takes me a while, but I finally realize they're talking about the vision I saw him wake up from during our little stroll down memory lane a few days ago. The one Cordy gave him.

But apart from that, I can't really concentrate on what they're saying. My whole attention is focused on not passing out, because if I do, I'm afraid Angel won't stand it anymore and tell them everything they want to hear.

Even if I have the feeling that he doesn't exactly know what they are talking about.

I stiffen a little when the Fyarl comes closer to me, something in his hand that looks like twizzlers, but I can't really see it properly. I prepare myself for the pain, and don't really register Angel's voice as he starts shouting at them not to do this, to stop, and that he doesn't know what the hell they're talking about but please, leave her alone.

I briefly wonder why now, what's so special with that thing that it makes him panic like this?

But as the burning metal touches my skin, I understand. For the first time ever since they started, I let out a cry of pain, try double over to dull the ache on my stomach…

And the world fades to black.

TBC

o o o o o o o

I'm cruel, I know.

But I love it.

Lol

Reviews? Pretty please?


	30. Chapter 30

**Note:** As much as I enjoy being cruel, I won't make it last. I know how it feels, when a writer leaves his or her readers hanging, and it's not the funniest thing in the world.

Thanks for the reviews, and this time I did manage to find the time to reply to everybody. Didn't I?

And now, on with the story, folks.

o o o o o o o

**Faith****'s POV**

I knew it. I just knew it.

And maybe if I had acted upon that 'knowledge' sooner, we wouldn't be in the mess we're in right now.

The minute she started to pretend she was tired, I just knew she was up to something… And Red knew it too.

Angel had disappeared, and was being tortured somewhere, and she was going to take a nap? Yeah, sure. I haven't seen any flying pig yet.

So, we left the room, pretending we believed her lie… And as soon as we heard the window closing behind her, we walked out of the hotel and tried to follow her.

It took us only five minutes to lose her trace.

And now, here we are, back to the hotel to get Willow's magic supplies. She wants to cast some kind of spell to locate them or something… I wonder why she didn't think about that earlier, it would have saved us a lot of trouble.

She's mumbling words I can't make out, and frankly, I don't care what she says or do… Whatever mojo she has in mind, as long as it's efficient, is good enough for me.

"So?" I ask "anything new?"

She sighs deeply, and raises her eyes to stare at me with an annoyed look on her face. "Not since you last asked, about two minutes ago. Now shut up and let me concentrate."

"Yeah, well, maybe it's taking a tad bit too long… I still think we should get out and try to find them, instead of staying here and doing nothing but babble over a pot of sand!"

She doesn't even look at me this time, and waves her hand. "Sure, go ahead. I'll see you next week…" she tells me flippantly.

And I have to admit that she's kind of right. L.A's… well… you know…big city. And we can't be sure they are, indeed, at the docks.

I sigh and run a hand through my hair, before flopping down on the bed, not knowing what to do… I just can't stand to stay here and wait, it's not what I do, how I work… I'm itching for a fight, for something to pummel, but something tells me Red wouldn't appreciate it if I took out my anger on her.

See? I'm learning. All those years in jail did that at least.

We both remain silent for a few minutes, as she keeps trying new spells, or whatever it's called… I start to pace around the room as I try to think of something to do. Maybe I could gather some weapons, or something… But I can't take that fear out of my system.

I hope we're not wasting too much time.

"Damn it!!"

The sound of her voice makes me almost jump out of my skin. That girl 'can' be scary…

"What?" I ask "Doesn't work?"

She runs her palm down her face, and takes a deep breath as if to calm herself down. "This is insane" she finally replies quietly… before quickly going back to her rather enraged state "I tried everything I know, and just between you and me, that makes quite a lot of things… It's like… like they're not even in that dimension!"

She angrily puts her stuff back in her bag, and I frown as I see her bend down to fumble through the contents of a suitcase on the floor. What on earth is she looking for? A different brand of magic powder? A magic eight-ball? At this point, maybe it's something we could try.

When she finally stands back up, a triumphant smile on her face, I have to smirk as I realize what's on her mind. And what she's holding in her right hand.

A big, scary crossbow. Way to go, Red.

"Sometimes" she says "it's better to do it old school style."

"Ain't that right…" I reply, before grabbing the Scythe Buffy thankfully – or not, left here. "Let's go".

I don't look back, but I know Willow is following me.

o o o o o o o

**Angel's POV**

I can only stare helplessly as the Fyarl sticks the white-hot kind of small poker on Buffy's stomach. I know what that thing is, it's demonic, I was hit by one of those once, and I suffered for hours. The scars took weeks to fade away, and I was Angelus by then; I don't know what it can do to a human being. I can see the heat coming off it in waves.

And I can smell Buffy's skin burning under its touch.

She let's out a small cry of pain, and then passes out.

Son of a bitch… I swear, as soon as I'm free, I'll hunt him down and make him pay. Repeatedly.

"Now, now…" Zachary says, breaking the sudden silence that seems to have swallowed the room "Still not a word… I'm impressed"

Well, what on earth does he want me to say? She's the one who knows? Yeah, sure, and then he'll kill her right here and now.

He silently walks towards her, and panic quickly makes its way back into my heart, my soul, my whole body… but he doesn't do anything but look at her. He crooks a finger under her chin and lifts up her head to get a better look at her bruised face. "Pretty" he remarks aloud "a little skinny, but pretty…" he then turns briefly to look at me, than walks towards the door. "What a shame…" I hear him mutter.

When he finally reaches the hallway, he suddenly whirls around to address the demons. "Give him some time to… think. To ponder what he's gonna do next. And she no use to us if she's unconscious." There's a beat, and his expression becomes a little sharper. "Untie them"

Before I have the time to realize what he means, I feel something cold hitting the back of my head before losing consciousness.

o o o o o o o

When I wake up from my little unwanted nap, I find myself lying on the floor, face down. It takes a while to understand that I'm not tied up to a chair anymore, and one more minute to remember what exactly just happened.

Buffy.

Torture.

I jump on my feet immediately, and scan the dark room to find her. She has to be here, she was sitting only a few feet away from me before they knocked me out.

I try to calm down a little, and finally spot her small form on the floor, almost at arm's length. I fall down on my knees, and gather her body on my lap.

I'm almost afraid to check her pulse, but I do, once I manage to move my hand without it trembling too much.

I could cry with relief when I feel it under my fingers, weak but steady. She breathes.

I tenderly stroke her face, pulling her hair away from her eyes… She went through too much for one night. Even for one year, or simply for one person. If she wasn't a slayer, she would be dead.

I carefully lift up her shirt to look at the wound on her stomach. Or to feel it, actually, because I can't really see a thing in the almost total darkness around us. It feels like it's already scarring… Good. Soon, she'll wake up and we'll be able to search for a way to escape.

I drop a kiss on her forehead, keeping my hand on her belly, and I try to make her more comfortable against my chest…

We stay like this for a while, Buffy slowly recovering from her injuries, and me caressing her soft skin to try and bring her some comfort.

This is all my fault.

When she starts to stir, my head snaps up. I move to remove my hand from where it lays just above her belt, but she grabs my wrist and holds it there. "Don't" she whispers "It makes me feel better…"

I do as she tells, and hold her a little tighter, careful not to hurt her more than she already is. She lets out a sigh, and I just revel in the sensation of pure relief her waking up brought to me.

How could I even think that I could leave her again? Twice was already more than enough.

She mumbles words against my shirt I can't really make out, and I immediately turn my whole attention back to her.

"What did you say?" I ask quietly.

"I said once my brain stops feeling like it's been ran over by a herd of elephants, you'll have to explain to me what exactly it is that they want…" her voice fades out on a yawn at her last words, and I kiss her hair lightly. "I will, I promise…"

She nods weakly, and I'm tempted to tell her to wake up and work on a way to escape, but I don't think her body could stand it. She might be a Slayer, built to resist, but she's no immortal.

I let her make herself comfortable on my lap, and rest her head on my shoulder, before wrapping my arms around her. I'll have to find a way myself…

"Sleep, my love" I whisper.

Her only answer is a slight snore that would make me smile if the situation wasn't so dramatic.

My own eyelids are feeling heavy right now, and I feel the first signs of sleep starting to overcome me… I try to struggle, but it's a lost battle, so, I decide to close my eyes for a bit, just to recharge my energy.

I don't intend to really fall asleep, but as soon as my eyelids shut, I fall into oblivion.

o o o o o o o

**Buffy's POV**

_I can't see my own feet. Weird. It's the first thing I realize when I look around to try and understand where I am._

_I know I'm barefoot, because I can feel the grass under my toes, but I can't manage to see my feet, no matter how I try to bend over._

_This must definitely be a dream. If it's not, maybe I should start worrying… _

_I sigh, and start to walk. It's… strange. I can see it's night, the sky is a deep dark blue and the stars are shining, and the moon is really large, and what the Hell am I doing, getting all poetic about nature all of a sudden? I can't even control my own thoughts? Now that's unfair._

_Anyway, it's night, but the light tells me it's day. I can feel the sun's warm rays on my shoulders… it's strange. But I don't dwell on that, and move farther from the point I found myself in when I opened my eyes._

_As I round a tree next to little lake, I spot a tall and dark form walking towards me. My heart skips a beat… why does it keep doing that every time I see him without expecting it? I guess I'll never know. Angel… I smile, and find my way to him a matter of seconds._

"_Hey" he says when he finally catches me between his arms._

"_Hey". Gee… are we always that talkative? It's really eerie, I know it's me who's talking, but it also feels like I'm experiencing some kind of out-of-body… experience. _

"_So… Watcha wanna do?" I ask lightly, not even understanding why those words come out of my mouth._

_He shrugs. "Dunno… maybe we could walk?"_

_I nod, but then I notice the slightly puzzled expression on his face. "Is this a dream?" I whisper, looking around._

_He just frowns. "I think so…"_

_But as we start walking again, a third voice rings up from somewhere behind us. "Aren't you two a pair of geniuses… How did you guess it was a dream?"_

_I let out an exasperated sigh. That guy, again… I'm about to tell Angel about our past encounters, but when I see his face, all thoughts of explaining fly out of my head. He's staring at the man as if he was seeing a ghost. _

_Said m__an who absolutely doesn't care about the look on Angel's eyes, and goes on with his little monologue. "But then again, maybe the weird light and the crappy dialogue were a bit of a give away."_

_I don't really listen as I watch emotions play on my lover's face. Joy, sadness, regret… pain, loss…_

_But only when I squeeze his hand does it finally come back to me. _

_I already saw that guy before. Before that whole bracelet thing, which even in my dream, is still clasped around my wrist._

_I saw him when I was in L.A, almost six years ago, after Thanksgiving. What was his name again? Paul? Goyle?_

_Doyle._

"_Hey, you're quicker than I thought!" the guy in question tells me with a smirk on his face. "And to think I was trying so hard to keep my identity a secret…" he adds, a falsely annoyed look on his face. _

_And he then turns to Angel, who still hasn't moved an inch, and who's squeezing my hand so hard that I'm almost afraid he's gonna rip it off._

"_Angel… Good to see you pal"_

_I watch as he swallows harshly, holding back his tears. "Hey Doyle… good to see you too…"_

_Apparently, the messenger seems to pick out the painful tone in his friend's voice. "Hey, don't worry about me… Death's pretty great you know, ask you girl, she knows a thing or two about it" he says, winking at me on his last words. _

"_I mean… check out the clothes!" he tells us, turning around to show off his brown stylish leather jacket. _

_When we don't react, he sighs. "Okay, so, I didn't choose it myself, but I had the best advices you can dream of" he says, exchanging a look with Angel that must probably mean something, but I don't get it._

_My love finally smiles, and I can see the bitterness leaving his eyes._

_Doyle smiles too, and sits down on a chair that suddenly pops out of nowhere. "Well, kids, now that we got the introductions part covered, let's start with the real business."_

_That immediately gets our attention. Chairs appear for us too, and we sit down, facing the messenger._

_He takes a deep breath, and starts to talk._

"_I'm here to explain" he says "To make you understand the events of the last few weeks… and to give you a glimpse of what the next few years will be."_

"_What do you mean?" I ask before I can stop words from passing my lips._

"_A little patience, Princess."_

_Well, you know… patience… not exactly my forte. But I guess I can make an effort._

"_First things first…" he starts, looking pointedly at me, then pauses…_

"… _about that bracelet."_

_Now, he got my attention._

_TBC_

o o o o o o o


	31. Chapter 31

**Note:** I'm so sorry!! I know it took me forever, and I promise I'll try to lessen the delay between two chapters in the future… We're getting closer to the end, so, I guess it won't take long now… Anyway, thanks for being so patient, and to all the reviewers, you're the best!!

Happy new year to everybody!!

And, on with the story…

Oh, and, sorry, not beta'ed…

o o o o o o o

"_I'm here to explain" he says "To make you understand the events of the last few weeks… and to give you a glimpse of what the next few years will be."_

"_What do you mean?" I ask before I can stop words from passing my lips._

"_A little patience, Princess."_

_Well, you know… patience… not exactly my forte. But I guess I can make an effort._

"_First things first…" he starts, looking pointedly at me, then pauses…_

"… _about that bracelet."_

_Now, he got my attention._

o o o o o o o

**Willow's POV**

She is so stubborn… Really, Buffy can be a pain at times. She could have waited a few minutes, but no, she just left and got captured. Great…

What are we supposed to do? Where are we supposed to go?

I look around at the deserted place we just entered. There is no light, everything is plunged in darkness, and I can barely see a few feet ahead of me… Too bad there's no moon.

The feeling of the hard wood of the crossbow in my right hand reassures me as I tighten my grip around it. I maybe a witch, and I may have seen so many battles I can't count them, some things still manage to creep me out. That place is one of them…

Buffy said Angel was at the docks, and it's our only guess, but we can't be sure… if only we had anything, a clue… And besides, the docks in L.A? Now that we're there, I understand better the meaning of the expression "looking for a needle in a haystack". Actually, it's a needle in Kansas that we're trying to find. Buildings that look like abandoned warehouses are aligned next to one another, on several rows, so many that we can't see the last one of them…

I can hear Faith mutter under her breath somewhere behind me. She's about as pissed off as I am, only… well, you know, Faith, nice girl at times, but not renowned for her patience.

Come to think of it, it must be a slayer thing.

The sound of her voice ringing up in the silence startles me a little. "I think we should split up, Red…" she declares. I have no idea why, but I don't think it's a good idea…

"No." I don't really know where it comes from, but that word immediately comes to my mind after her suggestion.

I hear her stop abruptly, and turn around to meet her eyes.

"We don't split up," I explain "We don't know what or who we might find… And besides… I have a feeling we should stick together."

Without waiting for an answer, I turn back around and walk towards the dark and somehow gloomy buildings in front of us.

It takes her a few seconds, but she finally follows my lead.

o o o o o o o

**Buffy's POV**

The first thing that clues me in on the fact that I'm now awake is the pain I feel coursing through my whole body. My eyes are still closed, and maybe if I keep them that way I can go back to sleep… Five more minutes, please…

But no, no such luck. I feel Angel stir under me, and all my memories of what happened before I fell into that blissful slumber come back to me in a rush. Being tied up and tortured, the question they kept asking Angel, about… about what?

Oh yeah. That…

Before I can even start to recall what it is we're supposed to know, I hear Angel groan. I open my eyes to see his face twisted in pain, and I realize that I've been lying on his lap all this time. His back must kill him, along with his legs.

"Angel?" I call out softly.

He immediately opens his eyes in the dark to look at me, and all concerns about himself disappear from his eyes, replaced by worries about my well being. "Are you okay?" he asks, and I nod. Given the circumstances, I could be really worse.

The wound on my stomach is closed, even if still raw… I bet it's gonna take a few weeks to really scar. I don't know what that damn thing was, but I really don't think it was human… Now that I think about, it looked like it had been made out of one of those retractile sticks the Poltara, or Polbaba, whatever, demon had back in the day… the thing that ended up on Adam. Except, it was much more painful. On my life, I couldn't explain how I could mistake it for Twizzlers… I was under torture, granted, but still, thinking of sweets at such a moment is… well, typical me. Typical me who spent way too much time with Xander.

But, honestly, I couldn't care less. I'll wonder once we're out of here. The most important thing is that I'm not in immediate danger from that wound. It stopped bleeding, and the one on my forehead probably did too. And all the small ones I had all over my body… All that is left is the residual ache in my bones, and the pounding in my head.

But then again, maybe the pounding isn't a result of my torture, but just of an overdose of information. Answers were given, answers that raised so many questions…

Doyle was… enlightening. In a cryptic sort of way.

And now more than ever, we know we need to get out of this alive. Not only for ourselves… for the world.

"How long do you think we've been asleep?" I ask, whispering. I feel him shrug, and I wince as the movement of his shoulders makes me turn my head too abruptly. He immediately raises a hand to my neck.

"Sorry…"

I throw him what I hope is a reassuring smile. "I'll survive, don't worry… So? How long do you think?"

He looks around, and sets his eyes on the small window on the ceiling. "Not too long, I guess… It's still dark out there."

I nod slowly, trying not to twist my cervical bones more than they already are. "We should try to stand up… we need to get out of here." I say as I make a move to get up from my position.

He helps me up, and stands himself. Before I can even try to take a step, he puts a hand on my arm. "Buffy…"

I don't need to see his face to know exactly what he's thinking. And I know now is not the moment to dwell on what we think we learned during that dream. Now is the moment to act, and save our skins before it's too late. "I know…"

He nods, and I take a few unsteady steps to test the state of my legs. I can walk, I guess that's already something, after everything I've been put through…

I'm about to ask him if we should try to force the lock on the door, when said door opens abruptly. The lights are turned on at once, and we have to close our eyes… we've spent too much time in the dark.

The split second it takes us to get accustomed to our surroundings, and to the aggression, gives whoever entered the room the advantage we really needed. In a matter of seconds, I feel something hit the back of my neck, and I see stars for a moment… At least I don't lose consciousness… but it hurts. I swear, when this is all over, I'll take the longest bubble bath this earth has ever seen.

I hear the sound of somebody's bones being hit behind me, and I understand that Angel just went through the same welcoming ritual.

When I finally open my eyes and look around, I see a pack of demons surrounding us… The same ones I saw earlier. The Fyarl that "took care" of me is also there, looking at me with so much perversion I just want to jump and strangle him. Which, usually, I could do in a heartbeat. But right now, I'm beat.

I know, ha ha…

I can only cooperate and make it last until I feel up to a fight.

Somebody grabs me by my hair and makes me abruptly get up on my knees and face Angel. Angel himself is being held the same way, but he's struggling with everything he has. He manages to hit one of the demons' nose with his head, and he stands up, kicking the one at his side… for a spell, I think he's going to succeed, but they are too numerous, and his hands are tied behind his back.

A yellow, somehow scruffy-looking demon hits him with the stick, and he falls back on his knees.

"Nice try, hybrid…" the demon says with a smirk. Angel just glares at him, before looking at me again. How are we ever gonna get out of this? We need more time to recover… there are way too many of them.

The sound of a door opening rings up behind me, and I hear footsteps coming our way.

The demon who introduced himself as Zachary earlier moves to stand a little on my left, facing Angel. His noble clothes and deep voice seem completely out of place here… and yet, he's the worst of all of them.

"So?" he asks, looking at Angel "Did your little nap give you some time to think?"

My lover raises his chin at the demon, and looks at him with a murderous look in his eyes. "I told you," he starts "a thousand times, that I don't know what you're talking about."

Zachary nods, a falsely understanding look on his face. "Okay, then…"

With a move too fast for the eye to see, the demon grabs me by the neck, and a blade I didn't see coming is pressed under my chin. "Great" he says cheerfully "we'll finally get to know what her blood tastes like…"

As I feel my skin break under the knife, I hear Angel scream.

_Flashback_

_The amount of information he just gave us makes my head spin. So many things… we had no idea. And I'm not sure I like it. I mean, okay, it could be worse, but I would like, one day, to be told that I'm finally free. That I can live my life without fearing what might happen tomorrow, and knowing without a doubt that I'll be there to actually live said tomorrow._

"_So… we're important?" I ask tentatively._

_Doyle smiles at me, a sweet smile filled with understanding. "Yeah… more than you can conceive."_

_I nod. "I'm not sure I like it."_

_The nice Irish man just looks at me sadly. "I gathered as much…"_

_Angel doesn't say a word beside me. I think he's too lost in the implications of what we've just been told. Or maybe he hasn't really got it. I mean, it wasn't really clear… Really, Doyle seems like a great guy, but he could drop the cryptic act once in awhile. _

_I think Angel's shocked, right now, more than anything else. Understandable… _

"_The future kind of depends on you two…" Doyle says. Yeah, thank you for repeating, I don't think I had gotten the gist of it the first time around… "Well, not _only_ you two… I mean, believe it or not, you're not the only couple of superheroes in that world, or in the others… some other warriors have a destiny that can be similar to yours, to some extent… Some closer to you than you think"._

_I know at some point in the future, I'll regret not asking the obvious question "who". But right now, I have other things on my mind. _

_Like, for example…_

"_Is it why Angel was brought back now?"_

_Doyle smiles at us again. Angel finally snaps out of his daze and squeezes my hand._

"_Yeah, kind of… you know, the powers up there, are some strange dudes… they could have prevented him from dying at all, in order to make it simpler and to fulfil whatever plans they had for him, but no… It had to come from you, Buffy."_

_From me? But… "What if I hadn't succeeded?" I ask. Angel still doesn't say a word._

_Doyle just shrugs. "Then, it would have been lost, and the paths of this world's destiny would have changed. But they knew you would succeed. They did everything to make sure you would…"_

"_Do we have any kind of freedom?" I ask somehow angrily. I know it's irrational, but even if they did bring my Angel back, the idea of them leading my life kind of unnerves me._

"_Of course… they just give you a choice. You're the one who chooses. Let's just say, they trusted your judgement…"_

_Now, I have a headache. The size of Texas. _

"_Destinies are tricky things you know?" our messenger continues. When he pauses, I raise my face to look at him, and find him looking at me intently. "Like prophecies…" he finishes._

_End of flashback_

o o o o o o o

**Angel's POV**

I feel suddenly like the world stops turning, and everything seems to happen in slow motion. I see the blade cutting through Buffy skin, and a droplet of blood running down her neck. Panic overwhelms me, and I scream.

I've barely opened my mouth when a voice rings up in my head… A young voice, that I heard only a few hours earlier.

For a second, I'm thrown back into the past, and I see the old woman touching me, sending jolts of electricity through my veins, and I hear the little green-eyed girl. _"You're gonna need it…"_

The air suddenly becomes heavy with magic, and a blinding, flashing white light invades the room.

o o o o o o o

**Faith's POV**

We've been walking through this labyrinth forever. Really…

We're never gonna find them.

I'm about to share my thoughts with Willow when I hear her gasp. I whip around abruptly and find her looking straight in front of her, her eyes set on nothing in particular, with a hand on her chest. She seems to be somewhere else…

When she comes back to reality after only a second, she turns around and starts to run in the opposite direction.

I barely have the time to react. I follow her, catching up easily. She looks like a madwoman, and one who just had a revelation…

"I know where they are" she tells me, out of breath.

Well, looks like she did.

o o o o o o o

**Angel's POV**

When it dissipates, the only sound I'm hearing is that of Buffy's heavy breathing.

She's alive. Alive and looking at me with awe in her eyes.

God, she's alive.

I could cry in relief, but I don't take the time to thank whatever power saved her.

It takes me a few seconds to realize we're not alone. But all the demons are frozen… stopped in mid movement. The Fyarl's enormous mouth hangs wide open in a twisted laughing expression... the yellow one behind is standing on one leg, he was frozen while taking a step, and he is raising his stick above his head... The scene would be kind of comical if the situation wasn't so dramatic, really. I have no idea how this happened, but, talk about good timing... I'll think about it once we're out of here.

Buffy hastily removes herself from behind the blade. Her wound is only superficial… Either he wasn't aiming to kill, or he stopped just in time.

I stand up and walk closer to my love. I can't really help her, my hands are still tied, but I can try to untie her at least.

She shakes her head as she looks around. "I'm half-expecting Piper Halliwell to burst through the door anytime now…" she utters. I don't get the reference, but I don't care. She's alive enough to quote pop-culture, that's all I need to be happy. I try to hurry as much as I can, I don't know how long the demons will stay that way…

As if on cue, somebody actually does, burst through the door. A red head and a brunette, both heavily armed, come running towards us.

How on earth…?

"The cavalry's he…" Faith starts to say, before taking in the scene in front of her. She looks taken aback for a second, but she raises her eyebrows. "Wow… nice trick…"

Willow nods enthusiastically, not even looking around, as she hugs her best friend quickly and unties her.

I'm not sure I've ever been happier to see them…

TBC

o o o o o o o

So? What do you think?


	32. Chapter 32

**Note :** I'm back, folks. I would be tempted to add « with a vengeance », but let's not go that far just yet. I'm still having trouble writing, though the fact that I moved my pc back from my brother's room will probably help.

I reread that story from the beginning, and really, I found too many phrasing mistakes to count, and let's not even start on the punctuation problem. At some point, I'm just going to edit it all… That particular chapter will have to go unbeta'd, though, because it's sort of meant to be a surprise, something that Rebecca, beta reader extraordinaire (in every sense of the word), has been trying to get out of my thick skull for quite a while. Sending it to her for editing wouldn't make sense.

Anyway, my dear, beloved, and patient readers and reviewers, who I will never thank enough, without further ado, I present to you the 32nd chapter of "Whispers of a Soul". Enjoy.

o o o o o o o

**Angel's POV**

We don't lose any more time, and with help from our two friends, whose timing has never been so perfect by the way, we get rid of the ropes. I don't even want to take a chance that they wake up and follow us, so, I move to catch Buffy's arm and turn to get out of here as soon as we're untied.

Or, I plan to. But Buffy seems to have another idea in mind.

The second she's free, in a move too fast even for my eyes to see, she grabs the knife Zachary had been about to use on her throat, and with a growl of rage, stabs him in the eye with it. With her left hand, not losing time, she picks up an axe on the floor, and slices his chest, before whirling around and beheading the Fyarl demon who seemed to take so much pleasure in her sufferance.

"Um, Buffy…"

She doesn't even look at me as she goes on with her revenge. "I know, gimme just a sec…"

If they wake up now, we're as good as dead. There are too many of them, and, frankly, only one valid slayer and a witch. Buffy and I are in no shape to fight.

Or, well, actually, she seems to be. Adrenaline certainly is efficient. But I know better, and she does too… Adrenaline can only last for so long.

With sigh, knowing that she won't listen anyway, I grab a weapon too. But as I turn around to stick it into that yellow demon's chest, I see one of them twitch out of the corner of my eyes.

Now is not the time to take any risk. Especially not with what I know.

"Run!!" I shout, and even if it kills my legs and hurts my lungs, I jump towards Buffy and grab her hand before leading her out.

Looks like the charm is about to be broken.

I have no idea what it was, really. A spell, maybe? I should have guessed from the beginning that the old lady was a witch, or something of the sort. Nothing should ever surprise me anymore, after all… And that little girl, there's something about her that… I don't know.

She just seems… kind of familiar. In a strange sort of way.

I can't tell if any of them is following us, and I'm not willing to take the time to check. Clutching Buffy's hand, I lead her as we run for our lives, quite literally. I can see on her face that she's trying to hide her pain, especially from me, but I'm not blind… the way she clenches her teeth every few seconds gives her away. Willow and Faith can tell too, they keep throwing me questioning glances every time our eyes meet.

But it isn't time for explanations. Considering the amount of things we have to explain, I hope we can get a good night's rest before playing twenty questions again.

I'm not sure we understood Doyle correctly. Had he been speaking in riddles, he might have made more sense to me. Right now though, everything he said just confuses me, and I think it'll take me some time to sort it all out.

Basically, we heroes. We knew that already, and as nice as it is to hear that the Powers themselves acknowledge that fact, it still doesn't solve our problem. Why was I thrown back here, what have I done, or what will I do to be deserving of that second (or third, or fourth…) chance I've been granted, my old friend tried to answer those as much as he could.

Question now is, will it be enough?

We're nearing the center of L.A now, and I think we're safe. For now, anyway. I follow Faith as she leads us towards the bad part of the city, where I know our hotel is standing. Willow hands us charms again, and we put them on silently. We wouldn't want to risk being seen now.

We cross the barrier and enter the warmth of what I came, over the past few days, to consider as our last haven around here.

The receptionist doesn't even look at us, and we climb the stairs, still not uttering a word. When we finally reach Faith's room, she pushes us inside and closes the door, before turning back to look at us, and…

"What the Hell were you thinking?!!"

I sigh. I was expecting that.

o o o o o o o

**Buffy's POV**

We've made it back to the Hotel. Thank ye Gods. I hurt, all over, and I just know I must be smelling pretty bad. I need a shower, some stitches, some pain killers, and sleep.

But no, Faith seems to have a totally different plan for our evening. One that involves shouting, explaining, apologizing… Okay, so maybe I shouldn't have run out like that, but I'm not about to feel sorry about the fact that I probably saved the love of my life's, well… life. Maybe if I hadn't gotten caught, Angel wouldn't be here now, holding onto my hand like it's the last thing that keeps him alive. I cost me a little bit of pain, sure, but somehow I feel like it was meant to be. Maybe if I hadn't followed my most basic instincts, I wouldn't have been able to talk with Doyle like I did, like we both did.

My head snaps up as Faith lets out yet another outraged question.

"Are you trying to get yourself killed? Both of you?"

"Listen, Faith…"

"Don't 'listen Faith' us!"

Great, now Willow's throwing in her two cents. My head is going to explode. It won't be pretty. Tiredly, with what seems to be a colossal effort, I open my mouth to retort.

"I'm not about to apologize for what I did."

"What about what he did?"

"What, are you trying to make us fight now?" my voice raises an octave as I say that. Ouch.

"Well, maybe it would do you some good," Faith says, crossing her arms over her chest. "You two are a pretty messed up pair, what, do you get kicks out of being tortured?"

I just make a face. "Yeah, Faith, near death experiences are such an aphrodisiac… Hadn't you arrived, we would have humped like bunnies for the rest of the night…" I reply, my voice dripping with so much sarcasm I'm even freaking myself out.

"Wouldn't surprise me, given your track record, 'blondie'…" she tells me cockily.

I stand back on my feet, getting up from the bed. "What did you just say?" I shout. "Because, if you said what I think you said, it would just be soo rich, coming from-"

"Enough!!"

Angel's turn, now. That night really hasn't turned out the way I planned. To think it was just yesterday I was so happy with my life…

"This isn't getting us anywhere!" he says, barely managing to keep his voice low. "You two, get over the rivalry, you can bitch at each other all you want when it's over, but right now, Buffy, you need tending to, and for God's sake I need some silence."

Angel said 'bitch at each other'. The changes in that man will never cease to amaze me.

But at least, his little speech manages to calm us down. Willow just looks at her feet, the beginning of a blush creeping up her face. "I'm getting the first aid kit," she mumbles. For a second there, I'm thrown back in high school, when Angel and his two centuries still impressed and amazed her, with that sort of respectful fear she had of him. Here she is, the most powerful witch in the world, looking like a school girl who just got scowled at. I would chuckle, if the situation wasn't so tense.

"We need a plan," Angel says, looking at the three of us in the dim light of the room. "We're not rid of them, they're not going to just let us go… and I think we're in for the long haul here."

"What do you mean?" Faith asks as Angel pushes me back down on the bed. He doesn't reply, merely takes a deep breath and sits down close to me, his fingers lacing with mine. He might be angry, but I let out a small relieved sigh as I realize that he's forgiven me my little bitching fit. I don't think he even remembers it… Too many things going through his mind, I can see the worry, the questions, and the fear all mixing up behind his gentle brown eyes, and somehow the fact that he's afraid too soothes me. I'm not alone.

I breathe in and out slowly, before looking at my sister slayer again. I may want to strangle her at times, or inflict to her other various forms of bodily harm, but she's still Faith. And I still sorta have to trust her.

Willow sits next to us with gauze and needles, and I let her work her magic as I prepare myself to speak.

I really hoped we would get some rest before having to explain.

_Flashback_

_We can still feel the sun's warmth on our skin, even if the sky is dark. I can practically hear my heart beat wildly in my chest, as if my body knew even before I did that I was about to get the answers to all the questions that have been plaguing my mind for the last few weeks. _

_But when he doesn't speak, what's left of my patience just snaps. _

"_So? About that bracelet?" I ask, trying not to sound like I just want to force the information out of him with any mean at my disposal. The first one that comes to mind being my fists. _

_He takes a deep breath, as if reluctant to trust us with the answers to our interrogations._

"_That bracelet, princess, was your first test." _

"_What do you mean, a test?" Angel asks._

"_I mean that it was a test for her… how could I say it so it makes sense for a human mind… It was a test, a way to make sure she was… worthy."_

_The Powers thought I was unworthy? Well geeze, thanks!_

"_It's not that," Doyle tells me, a soft look in his eyes. The guy can hear my thoughts, I keep forgetting. It's a little unsettling. "They knew, you would be worthy, but they couldn't have any certitude that you would get through with it. After all, all the higher powers can do is give choices, and hope everything turns out okay."_

"_Choices?"_

"_Of course… you never heard of free will?"_

"_Well, the concept has always seemed sort of far-fetched for me… you know, given that I never had a choice to begin with, what with the Slayer part and all…"_

"_Never got a choice? Are you sure of it?"_

_What does he mean… Of course I'm sure. And yet…_

"_Like I said," he continues, "they gave you this… token, as a way to test you. And also as a way to convince you. It's nothing but a symbol, really, it holds no power, except the power you, yourself, give it."_

_Uh?_

_I'm about to ask him to be a little clearer when Angel speaks up next to me. "And after all, that's what a symbol is all about, isn't it?"_

"_Exactly. For a brain that has been in limbo for so long, yours seems remarkably efficient!" the Irishman replies with a wink. "A symbol is nothing more than what you make of it. And that bracelet, for you, and with a little help from my old friend, became a symbol of your trust, your belief, your love… even without it, everything would have happened one way or another, but it sped up the process. You made the right choice the moment you clasped it around your wrist."_

"_I'm not sure I completely understand…"_

_He just shrugs. "Me neither… magics are complicated things, you know?"_

_We fall silent for a little while as I ponder the information. But as soon as I keep quiet for more than a few seconds, all the questions I wanted to ask come back to me in a rush._

"_Your old friend? The old lady?" I ask, "You know her?"_

_He just gives me a cryptic smile. "Of course I do… and you do too."_

"_What?"_

"_Come on, think about it… she doesn't remind you of someone?"_

_Hm, no… Right now, my mind is drawing a blank. Doyle shrugs._

"_Well, it's not that important anyway…"_

"_And what about the little girl?" Angel asks. Good question._

_Doyle immediately smiles widely, a strange spark in his eyes. "Lovely, isn't she? I was wondering when you would ask, and unfortunately, that's a question I cannot answer. Too much is at stake. But let me tell you now, that's one, in time, you'll figure out on your own."_

_We both know it would be useless to pry, so, we leave it at that. I'm curious, though…_

"_What about the demons?" I ask. _

"_Ah… good one. Well, those demons," he starts, sitting forward in his chair, crossing his hands on his knees, "are ones you're gonna have to face for a long time."_

"_What are they?" Angel's voice has a panicked ring to it as he asks that question._

_Doyle sighs. "They are… part of an order that's older than you can imagine."_

"_Yeah, I had sort of figured as much."_

"_They are so old, actually, that they don't have a name. And they only have on purpose… that purpose, my friends, is to bring you two down."_

"_But, why?" Though it might be a little obvious that we're not liked by the demonic part of the population, such single-mindedness is a little uncommon._

"_The thing is, they don't exactly know. But they've been keeping away from the world for a long time, hiding, training, watching… They became a legend in the underworld, one demons tell to their hellish spawn before bed time. They are feared, like an ancient disease, a plague, that would bring hell down on earth. And we all know a lot of demons aren't actually that keen on the idea of losing their daily meals…" he adds with a raised eyebrow._

"_They… don't know?"_

"_Why do you think they were trying to get it out of you? Why do you think they didn't kill you immediately?"_

_Angel and I both keep silent. We were wondering, indeed._

"_Yeah, you see? And there, folks, lies their weakness. They could have murdered you on the spot and gotten rid of the problem, but they won't until they know what they've been waiting for, what they have been chosen to do and why."_

"_How are we supposed to fight them, we don't know either?"_

_The moment I see the smile twisting the corners of Doyle's mouth, a sick feeling grows in my stomach. I'm going to know, and I'm not sure I want to._

"_The thing is, you do know."_

_No I don't… _

"_Well, Angel does, somehow."_

"_Me?"_

"_Got a vision recently?"_

_End of Flashback_

Faith is staring at me, waiting for me to work up the nerve to speak, I guess.

"So?" she asks, obviously impatient, "What do you mean, we're in for the long haul?"

Aaand, here goes… I take a deep breath, willing my heartbeat to calm down.

"Well," I start, and Angel clutches my hand, "let's just say that the next, oh say, nine months will be rather eventful."

Two blank stares look back at me.

"And don't even get me started on the next twenty years…"

o o o o o o o

Done!! I know, I know, crappy, and probably a little anti-climatic. Please, review!!=)


	33. Chapter 33

**Note: **First things first, I would like to apologize. I'm sorry it always takes me forever to write, and post, and I'm sorry I left some of my stories like that. Thank you to those of you who are still there, and who were there every step of the way, I don't deserve readers like you! I won't promise you a quick update, because I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to keep that particular promise, but what I can say is that I'll do my best, and I'll finish this one, however long it takes.

By the way, I'm not sure I replied to everybody, sorry about that. So, if you reviewed and I never got back to you, my apologies, and thanks a lot!!!

o o o o o o o

**Buffy's POV**

That silence is going to kill me. Really. I'm actually afraid my little bombshell might have killed them... Triple murder, with a few words. Go me. Faith is just staring at me with a blank expression, and Willow looks frozen in a way that I have to admit is a little creepy. She's staring at a point above my shoulder, her eyes a little wide, and her mouth slightly open. I'm almost tempted to wave a hand at them, or make a funny face, only to make sure they're still alive, but I'm pretty certain they wouldn't take it so well.

Besides, I can hear them breathe. They're definitely alive.

That's good.

Angel is still squeezing my hand, and that more than anything makes my breathing easier. Nothing really bad can happen as long as he can still do that. I can't get over how good that makes me feel, even in the middle of that gigantic mess. A few years in the past, even a few months, I would have laughed in the face of anyone who would have told me this would happen to me... and then found a place to hide myself in and cry my eyes out. But, here we are. Together.

And I'm scared shitless. Not to mention a little confused...

I still can't quite grasp the idea that we created a life, one that we would have had no way to know about right now if Doyle hadn't slipped... I'm not sure how I feel about that. I'm a slayer, therefore not supposed to have children. I mean, look at Robin... No one should ever have to suffer through what happened to him. Slayers aren't meant to be mothers. Not even daughters or sisters, if my past experience is any clue. We're just... not good at the family thing. We leave desolation and blood in our wake, we hunt, we kill...

But then on the other hand... some part of me, the part that still, after all these years, craves the house in the suburbs, with the white picket fence, and all that jazz, is literally swimming in happiness, basking in a strange feeling of completion and... impatience.

Which brings me right back to the scared shitless part.

Again, I'm going in circles. I'm starting to see a pattern here.

I let out a tired sigh, and shake my head to escape my gloomy reasoning, when Willow finally snaps out of her self-induced little trance. Or maybe her 'Buffy and her big mouth' induced little trance, which, actually, seems just as likely.

She takes a deep breath, and I brace myself for the rant of the century, when...

"Wow."

And then, silence again.

'Wow'? That's all she has to say?

I'm about to express aloud that slightly offended thought when Faith comes back to reality and gives her a bewildered look.

"Wow? That's all you have to say?"

I close my mouth. Now, that was weird. Faith, get out of my head.

o o o o o o o

**Faith's POV**

What the Hell?

That's the first thing that comes to mind after B's little revelation. Though I might be very much mistaken, it seems to me that she just announced us that she was pregnant.

She's got to be kidding, right?

Preggers? Now come on, that just sounds like a bad joke. She and the big guy have been getting down and dirty for only, what, a couple of days, and she's got a bun in the oven already?

Way to go, Angie.

Wait a minute, no, not way to go. This is bad, really bad, because if the look on their faces is any clue, the girl is dead serious.

I'm vaguely aware of the fact that I've been staring at my sister slayer for some time now, and so has Willow. The blonde fidgets, looking back at us with that "deer caught in the headlights" look she can pull off so well... Really, she's got it down to an art by now.

I resist the urge to sigh, because it would kill our "silently flabbergasted" dynamic and I'm still expecting B to burst out laughing and say we've just been punk'd or something. Wouldn't want to let her know I'm on the way to believing the shit she just laid on us.

I can feel Red sitting next to me, completely unmoving, and I wonder what she's thinking. Actually, I hope her train of thoughts is on the same rails as mine, because, really, I'm sort of counting on her to start asking the questions. I don't think I can get past the goldfish look right about now, my mind needs a little more time than hers to switch to business mode.

Ah, there it is. She's going to talk, finally. Maybe it'll snap me out of it too.

She's a bright one, Red...

"Wow."

... Scratch that.

Seriously?!

"Wow? That's all you have to say?"

As far as anticlimax is concerned, this has got to be an international record.

I shake my head, really looking at her for the first time since Blondie dropped her bomb. She's gone paler than she usually is. Maybe she wonders too... I mean, they disappear, get abducted, barely manage to escape, and then declare that they're expecting? Am I the only one seeing the problem here?

Which brings me to the next question.

"How did you know?"

Yeah, I know, not very earth-shattering either, but I'm not sure I want to delve into the many implications of that little problem. Such as, how will she fight, how are we supposed to protect it, and the most obvious one, what prophecy is there behind it all. Because, come on, the timing just screams 'Powers that Shit on You'.

Buffy makes a face, and I have a feeling that maybe my question wasn't so trivial. There's something we ought to know, and they're not to keen on sharing the information. She fidgets for a while, and just when I'm about to snap at her, Angel speaks up.

"It's… a long story."

No kidding.

I raise an eyebrow at him, and he takes a deep breath. "You're gonna make us explain, right?" he asks.

I nod, and I see Willow cross her arms over her chest out of the corner of my eyes.

Yep, buddy, you're gonna have to explain alright.

o o o o o o o

**Angel's POV**

I keep quiet as Buffy explains to them the basics of what we lived. The capture, the torture, and then… the dream. She even goes back in time and tells them exactly who talked to us, just how many times she met him over the past few weeks, and how she knows he can be trusted.

When she stops, I understand that the time has come for me to participate in the conversation. Buffy knows there are things I know, or at least suspect, that she can't even begin to guess. And she also knows it would be useless to try and force it out of me.

A sort of awkward but thoughtful silence settles upon us, as we all seem to get lost in our thoughts. Surprisingly enough, Willow is the first one to break it.

"I don't recall any prophecy involving the child of a Slayer… and even less one about the child of a Slayer and an ex-vampire made ghost made… something I'm not sure I totally understand. Believe me, I would remember. And I've read quite a lot of books."

"Nobody knew about the child of two vampires either."

It's the first time I even mention Connor. Unwanted thoughts of happy then dramatic times come back to me in a rush, and only the pressure of Buffy's hand against mine keeps me from drowning into a sea of what ifs and regrets. I push the images back into my memory, where they belong. Those are souvenirs to be brought out and pondered another time.

What I do regret, really, is to have lost the Shanshu prophecy. The Scrolls. Maybe Giles, or somebody, could have found something Wesley missed. But I also have a feeling that it would be useless.

Willow only nods. "Yeah… maybe I should call Giles. I… I haven't even told him you were back yet."

Hm… might be an interesting conversation.

"No."

Buffy seems to come out of a sort of trance. I thought she didn't even listen, but obviously, she did, because she's the one who so vehemently refuses that her watcher knows about me.

"Not now… not yet," she continues. "The less people know, the safer we are."

I have to agree. Especially given the predicament we're in.

Faith moves slightly on the chair she sat down in at some point during Buffy's explanations. I can tell she wants to say something, but holds back, for some reason.

"What is it, Faith?"

Her head snaps up at the sound of my voice, and she looks for all the world like a kid who's about to ask a question that he thinks is either very stupid, or incredibly important, and can't decide which.

"It's just... what are we doing now? Do we face them? Do we hide B and hope they never find her? Do we disappear? 'Cuz, really, not that I mind, I mean, I knew what the job entailed when I took it, but... well..."

She shrugs. But, well, indeed.

-

_Flashback_

"_Got a vision recently?"_

_At first, I don't really get what he means. A vision? I don't get visions. _

_But, wait a minute... I knew some people who did. And one of those people gave me their last one._

_It all comes back to me in a rush. The kiss, the power, the nightmare... all those flashes from a future I wasn't sure was even mine, flames, dust, pain... and a solution. A solution that led to some other images, confusing ones, of blond hair and sweetness, of demons and resolutions, of family and heartbeats... So many heartbeats... _

_And then it all went back to pools of blood._

"_I... what does it all mean, Doyle?"_

"_Really, I thought you would have figured it out by now. You saw everything."_

"_It's all a blur... I can't really make sense of whatever it was. When I woke up the first time, I remembered clearly what I had to do to destroy the partners. It was obvious, and at the forefront of my mind... the rest dimmed after a while..."_

_Doyle sighs, and looks at Buffy, shaking his head. "Well... I suppose you'll know soon enough anyway," he mutters quietly to himself, shrugging._

_Buffy gives him a puzzled look. "What do you mean?"_

_My old friend almost jumps, obviously surprised that she has heard him. I watch as he fidgets, before looking her way again._

"_Let's just say... you... sort of... carry the solution," he finally says, vaguely gesturing towards her._

"_I thought it was Angel?"_

"_Well, he does too, but... er... Not quite as literally. But, let's move on if you don't mind!"_

_He sounds... nervous._

_I frown as I look at him again, the way he keeps throwing worried glances at Buffy while she glares at him, probably a little peeved that he won't drop the cryptic facade. She crosses her arms under her chest, the move making her shirt ride up a little, uncovering a patch of skin on her belly. _

_I stare at the smooth tissue there, barely visible above the bloodstained waistband of her pants..._

_And that's when it all starts to make sense. _

_End of flashback._

_-_

Where do we go from here? That's what I'd like to know. I've lived this life long enough to understand that they'll never leave us alone. The question is... How much risk are we willing to take?

o o o o o o o

**Buffy's POV**

I wish I could answer Faith's questions. I wish I knew what to do, but to be honest, and not for the first time, I'm at a loss.

I have to consider the fact that I no longer live only for myself. And the fact that that life inside of me isn't only mine to protect, because of it's importance, of it's worth... not only for me, but for the world. If only Doyle had been a little more forthcoming with information...

And besides... do I really want to bring a child into that life? Should I just try to disappear, and shield it from the evils of this realm? Could I bear the responsibility of keeping him or her from their destiny?

My heart says yes. I could leave right now and never come back.

But... my head is still trying to decide.

Angel thinks it's a she...

I wouldn't mind a little guy...

I snap back to reality when Angel lets out a tired sigh. "Maybe we should sleep a little. Think about all of this tomorrow..." he suggests, running his hand down his face.

But Willow shakes her head, raising her arm as if asking for permission to talk. "Wait.." she says, looking around at each of us, "you didn't tell us what it meant. I mean, the child... it has to have some sort of role, right?"

Unfortunately.

I run a hand through my hair, and Willow turns her attention back to me. I take a deep breath, not sure I'm quite ready to share that one piece of information.

"I don't... the gist of it is... that there'll be some sort of war and..."

"And our child, as well as some others, will have a role to play," Angel finishes.

I have to throw him a grateful glance. Looks like he deals with all of this better than I do...

His grip on my hand tightens.

… Or maybe not.

TO BE CONTINUED...

o o o o o o o

_Not so sure where I'm going with this anymore... Sorry if there are continuity problems. Please let me know what you think, or if you feel like I've taken a wrong turn somewhere along my confusing plot... ^^_


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